So I haven't written in here in what seems like forever. A year at the least. I haven't really had anything to say but now I guess I have enough for a book. So my ex boy friend [Kevin] is dating some new chick with a name that reminds me of a stripper may I remind you. Her name is Candy...I really don't have to say anything else to that. He's still talking to me and flirting with me, which I really don't mind but it's somewhat... I don't know the word for it. He's leading me on. Esp. when he likes some other girl named Carrie Beth.

He told me the other night that if I just said the word he was mine. Although he didn't fail to tell me that his heart was torn in two between me and this candy chick. He never even mentioned Carrie Beth! Jennifer had to tell me that. This whole game he is playing is getting somewhat annoying. I don't know if I can trust him but at the same time I can't stay away from him. My heart is breaking just thinking about it. Having him like two other girls besides me doesn't hurt nearly as much as kicking him out of my life.

I'm supposed to go over there Friday to stay the night so we can talk things over... but I'm really not sure that's a good idea. Just thinking about it is making my stomach do flip flops. I mean in a way I would love to see him again but not if it could get us both in trouble. She's his complete opposite too. She's soft spoken and he's just loud. She's sweet and he's pretty much a horrible person.

He told me that she has his sweet and innocent side while I have this bad and wild side. I don't just want that... I want all of him and he can't seem to understand that. He can't seem to understand anything that I'm telling him. He told me that he thinks that something's wrong with him because he knows I care for him and that I love him yet he can't seem to bring himself to stay with me.

I told him that I would be his anything and everything if he would just give me the chance. We blew it before it even had a chance to start but I swear we can make the world jealous this time. We have a chemistry that no one else has. Something amazing and I don't want to lose it. We are perfect together.  I wouldn't waste my time if I didn't think so.

All I want from him is a second chance to prove that I'm right. If it doesn't work out the second time then we aren't meant to be together.... I mean this is silly but I still get butterflies when I talk to him or even think about him for that matter. That has to count for something. Right? My heart speeds up just a little more when he looks at me. When he calls me beautiful...I really believe it. I don't have to question it because I know he really means it.

He may not be perfect but I see him perfectly... flaws and all... He's my personal superman. I adore him. he's extra special to me and I don't want to lose that. I don't want to be without him.