xxcloud9oo's Xanga

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 03:28:35 GMT

Tonight marks my last night of normalcy until the end of August, and I must admit, I feel a unprepared. The end of normalcy means the beginning of camp life for the next few months, and it's like taking a step outside of the world and into a haven/refining fire/breath of fresh air all at the same time. It means eating, sleeping and breathing creativity, energy and excitement. It means living with animal [un]friends, bug bites and sweat stains. It means being stretched in ways I didn't know I could be, learning things I didn't know that I didn't know and having to tangibly trust the Lord every second of everyday for strength and sustenance...because truthfully, that gets sucked out of me like week one. And although I don't feel prepared or adequate or like I've got my mind around the fact that I will be leading hundreds of young people this Summer...I am excited. I'm excited to run this race and to hear His voice and to follow His lead. I'm excited to use my gifts and to make new friends and to catch up with old ones. I'm excited to minister to young women and to set the best example that I can and to be pushed to be better.

Truthfully, I don't know what this summer will hold. I don't know what it will look like or where I'll be when it's done...BUT, I do know the One who holds it all in His hands. He is already at the end of this Summer. He has already helped me through every trying time and every hard decision. He has already taught me new things and brought me to a greater understanding of His character, and now I've just got to catch up with him. I've got to walk every second with my hand in my Savior's, trusting that He will lead me to the place of perfection at the end, bringing glory to himself through it all.

I'm excited to read this post in two months and to be able to fill in the gaps. I hope to God that He is pleased with the way that I spend my time and the studies that I lead and the girls that I minister to. And the cool thing is, I know that he will be so long as I'm walking where he leads and doing what he instructs. God, give me strength.

See you in two months with the answer to all of these unknowns and with stories of God's faithfulness.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 01:47:41 GMT

This girl is tired. In every single, solitary sense of the word.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 22:43:39 GMT

In case anyone was unsure, God answers prayer. I've got a new job for the next 2.5 months, and the best part is that I really like it.

Thank You, Jesus, for being so incredibly good to me. You amaze me everyday.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:24:52 GMT

I feel like Spring breathes new life into me. All of life's colors liven, the air leaves my lungs fresh and clean, the sunshine revives my sleeping mind. Spring gives me inspiration and ferver for life. I feel alive, and I like it.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 20:00:26 GMT

I really need a job for the next 2.5 months or so...until the middle of June.

Lord, I'm trusting that You'll work like only You can to meet the needs that I've got.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 02:59:45 GMT

I look forward to seeing some of my favorite teens on the face of the earth this weekend. I hope to laugh and cry and share and grow and love with them this weekend. I pray for God to work in their lives through His Word and through His Holy Spirit this weekend, and I pray that I can be a light that points them to His throne. I lovelovelove my TPT campers, and I feel blessed to share a few days with them.

In other news, honesty is refreshing. Scary and heavy and freeing and intimidating, but really really refreshing. I admire transparent people, and I hope to be more like them as I grow in the Lord.

God, you are doing some really big things, huh?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 20:03:03 GMT

I'm on the brink. I'm on the edge. Teetering. I can taste it. I can smell it. I can see it.

Lord, push me over that threshold. I'll wait for Your timing, but I must be honest, the anticipation is mounting. and I am eager.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 22:19:57 GMT

i look forward to spring.

spring makes me feel like i'm alive.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 05:53:14 GMT

keep me safe inside;
Your arms like towers,
tower over me.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 07:14:48 GMT

Anyone that knows me well enough can tell you that I get nervous at the thought of new things. I get apprehensive when I don't know what's going to happen. I get jittery when I have big decisions to make. And, uh, I tend to avoid change like the plague when at all possible. And even as I type this, I wonder how I've managed to maintain normal blood pressure measurements and why my heart doesn't just give up on me from all of the anxiety that it feels at times. The truth is, I already know the answer...If Jesus didn't hold my heart the way that He does, I would be a total wreck. Thankfully, I am not a total wreck. His presence, His guidance, His love and mercy and grace, they are the glue that holds me together.

Sometimes, I must admit though, I get a little weary, and I start to wonder if the glue will hold. Sometimes the weight of the world bears on my shoulders with a fury, and it takes all that I've got not to crumble under the pressure. Sometimes decisions that should take time need to be made when there is none. Sometimes, believe it or not, I have no idea what's going on, or what I'm doing, or where I need to be. Sometimes, all I can do is fall on my face.

And even though those times are the ones when I've got the least bit of comfort or composure, I have found that they are the times when I've got the most confidence. Because, well, when you're down as low as you can go, and when you're about ready to break, you've got to look up and remember: - it's not the first time I've felt like this. And I am confident that it will not be the last. I am also confident that Jesus will continue to hold my heart, and break it and shape it and glue it all back together, just like He has done every single time before. He promises that His glue will hold just fine, and I'd say based on His track record, confidence in Him is enough to keep me singing my song and to keep me plugging along...no matter how fragile my condition may be.