well i'm updatin...i have an LJ now buh all mah entries are private cept 4 liek 2 or 3. so its da beginnin of a new year. so i guess dat means its time 4 a new start...a new beginnin. buh aint it funnE as da ball dropped in those last few secodns of 2003 i found mah self tinkin of him and everything we shared aint dat sad?! buh anyways da new year means move on even tho i cant although i try i prolly sound real dumb rah now buh i dunt care i guess. eh anyway i hope everyone's new year was gewd mine wasnt! blah i didnt do anything. i was talkin 2 trisha and k10(on da phone) as mah family brought in da new year. dis year i plan on savin as much money as i can so by da time i turn 18 i'll be able 2 leave no problems and nuffin stoppin me. usually my resolution is 2 werk on mah relationship wit mah mother buh nah i lost all hope in dat... i dunt tink i even care no more. i came home wit a hickey on mah neck da other day and mah sister told me dat she said she has no respect 4 me so i was basically liek wateva fuck it i dunt care. all i need her 4 is 2 get her permission 4 shiet cuz i aint 18 buh other than dat i tink i'd be aight w/o her. buh anyway i didnt plan on writin bout mah mother. i tink i'ma start rilly writin on here again. i hope i continue 2 do well in skewl i tink cuz i havent rilly been tinkin bout da guys i'm doin betta haha cuz i dunt got nuffin 2 distract me ya kno?! yes tasha is deprived by choice haha arent yall surprised. iunno its jez dat i havent rilly found anyone worth mah time. george yea buh iunno he's jez fun 2 mess wit not 2 get serious wit... ya kno?! i dunt see mahself havin a serious relationship anytime soon...mainly cuz i still need 2 let go. ::sigh:: yes i kno its been a min so i shud be ova it by now buh i aint. oh wellz well i'ma go buh leave ya wit a parts of 2 songs dat i heard 2day and decided its kinda how i'm feelin in a way....even tho i feel dumb 4 feelin dis way.

...one...

*dukkie*

.Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you.

.i neva knew wat tru luv was til u left me N now da thought of u wit sum1 else hurts me deeply i try 2 keep da thoughts outta my mind but im tinkin bout u all da time where is our luv i must b out of my mind wat else can i do 2 prove my luv 2 u im goin crzy bby N iunno wat 2 do i neva shud have done u wrong N now im sittin all alone u shud feel my pain N 4 u i'll change can i have a 2nd try cuz w/o u wat am i N i kno u dunt wanna see me cry i'm sowwy.

hmm i tink i prolly shudnt have wrote all dis out buh wat da hell i dunt care...

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? lots of things...i moved cross country..wait i did dat b4 erm...i learned a lot 4rm lots of different experiences.  

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? some of em...i prolly will buh i prolly wont keep it

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? ummm a fwiend i made in md had a bby in september buh we aint THAT close

4. Did anyone close to you die? yes..                                 

5. What countries did you visit? none dis year

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? a betta relationship wit mah mother

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 12/25...well it was 4rm 02 buh still it was da best xmas eva....and 6/11...buh we wont get into dat i guess

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? growin more mature and not lettin lil shiet gettin 2 me...actually acceptin da move

9. What was your biggest failure? i dunt have any failures buh i do have a lot of regrets unfortunately...i shudn't even call em regrets cuz thas how i learn...buh i do regret doin one thing in particular...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? nope thank god

11. What was the best thing you bought? umm i didnt rilly buy anything special...i buy clothes and food nuffin 2 big

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All of the troops fighting for us...haha i'ma use k10's answer 4 dis one lol

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? i dunt liek how mah mother changed when we moved out here and sum other ppl i thought i knew buh then they turned in2 strangers

14. Where did most of your money go? clothes and shoes lol i luv shoppin

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? mah bday! lol 

16. What song will always remind you of 2003? i dunt have a song 4 2003...buh i have songs 4 ppl and memories 4rm 2003 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? hmm dis time last year i was a hell of a lot happier than i am now...aint it funnE how fast things can change and its unexpected
b. thinner or fatter? thinner...i lost weight...dunt understand cuz i eat so much lol                                                                                                      c. richer or poorer? richer cuz i got a job lol...FINALLY rah?!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? erm not take shiet 4 granted cuz things u thought would be 4eva could be gone jez liek dat and usually when u lose sumpn u neva get it back :/..

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? i wish i did less cryin haha sad 2 say buh i dwelled on so much things and let stupid shiet get 2 me

20. How will you be spending Christmas? sumwhere i dunt wanna be wit ppl i dunt wanna be wit...               

22. Did you fall in love in 2003? yup :/...and lost him 2 cuz i'm dumb....dis is sum advice 4 u kidds...when u fall in love neva take dat shiet 4 granted or tink it'll be 4eva no matter wat....i thought a break would be aight and i could have him back when i wanted buh liek da quote says...'u neva kno wat u have until u lose it and once u lose it u'll prolly neva get it back' ::sigh:: oh wellz..

23. How many one-night stands? none! haha arent yall proud!

24. What was your favorite TV program? i didnt rilly watch much t.v. now dat i tink bout it

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? erm nope i actually dunt disliek anyone...at least i cant tink of any1 rah now

26. What was the best book you read? so many...i luved The Coldest Winter Ever by Sista Souljah...haha dta book was as real as it gets

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? erm iunno...

28. What did you want and get? da perfect person 2 be wit...4 me 2 learn and mature

29. What did you want and not get? 2 be 4eva wit da one i loved...a relationship wit mah mother and god

30. What was your favorite film of this year? hmmm....FINDING NEMO hehe i'm watchin dat rah now actually i love dat movie lol

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 16 and mah best fwiend and boyfwiend at da time threw me a surprise party it was gr8 hehe i had fun

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not go thru all those stupid 'experiences' dat made me learn buh also get me in trouble and not end dat special relationship i had

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? erm wateva i thought was cute haha i unno                                     

34. What kept you sane? mah journal and iris...she's always there even tho she werks 2 jobs, goes 2 skewl, has a serious b/f, and is 3,000 miles away lol i luv ya grl

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? hmmm iunno lol

36. What political issue stirred you the most? dunno

37. Who did you miss? The most? iris...yates....kristen...lesbi...joey-woey-froey-foo....mah fwiends in cali :[

38. Who was/were the best new person/people you met? yates and mah cNp boys lol

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003. Time is precious & so are the people in your life. Don't take advantage of either of these things..i'ma steal dat lil line 4rm k10 cuz i agree wit her     

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: i cant tink of one rah now

skribbled at...1:02 p.m.

mah mood: iunno confused a bit...a lil sad...a lil happy..

listenin 2: dat tupac and biggie song 'runnin' lol i LOVE dat song

ey i decided 2 finally update dis shiet! it's been awhile huh?! wow i jez realized i havent rilly written my thoughts down in a long time. i have a LJ but i onlee wrote in it liek 3 times.so much has happened. i dunt even kno where 2 begin. i'm comin back 2 cali 4 xmas break. i can't wait but still i'm a lil hesistant as da time is drawin near. isnt dat sad...i've been wantin 2 go back 4 how long now and now dat i am i'm scared. oh well iris we gonna have soooo much fun.. i cant wait! and joey...lol if u still read dis....me and you are gonna have our long talks and hang out again. and mister M....haha we gonna talk 2! i cant wait 2 see yates again...even tho he doesnt even rilly talk 2 me no more! but its ok no love lost! so what has every1 been up 2?! i've been busy wit skewl!! haha yes tasha is actually gettin gewd grades! thas a 1st in a long time huh?! thas all i be doin rilly...studyin and shiet tryna keep my grades up. i go out but not as much as i use 2. i've met a lot of ppl down here...no guys tho haha! there aint no guy down here dat i decided was worth my time. i mean yea  had my fun but dat gets old ya kno?! i already kno who i want but i doubt i'ma get dat person...::sigh:: oh wells thsa how things werk i guess! btw KRISTEN i'm still waitin 4 my letter lol its been longer than i took 2 write u! lol how we gonna be penpals if u dunt write lol and dunt say its cuz of yer job lol. hmm speakin of jobs tasha gots an interview on monday haha its bout time huh?! wish me luck i NEED a job lol!

so i've been tinkin a lot recently...iunno i guess i'm growin up haha sumtimes i feel so old and other times i can act liek i'm 5 y/o or sumpn. but so much reminds me of shiet. dunt take nuffin 4 granted....i realized i did dat a lot...even da lil shiet dat i thought didnt matter are the things i wish i had right now. i liek it out here but i keep 2 myself a lot. i dunt allow myself 2 get close 2 anyone cuz i kno at da end of next year i wont be here no more but now iunno. bein lonely is i tink da hardest thing i've eva had 2 deal wit. thanks 4 tinkin i'm strong mister m but iunno if i can hold on any longer. i'm jez startin 2 not care no more. and all of a sudden me and my mom arent doin well at all. i'm not even rilly around her no more. i'm glad me and iris are talkin a lot again! its funny how i can jez pick up da phone and call her and we can have a long normal convo and it doesnt feel liek i'm 3,000 miles away.  eh dis entry rilly wasnt bout nuffin but i jez wanted 2 update so yall betta leave me sum notes lol! i'll write more l8a...and soona!

...one...

God saw you getting tired & a cure was not to be, so he put his arms around you and whispered, "Come to me." With tearful eyes we watched you & saw you pass away. Although we loved you dearly we could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest, God broke our hearts to prove to us He only takes the best

we will miss you...
r.i.p 07.14.03

skribbled at 12:00 a.m.
mah mood: tired...but gewd
listenin tooh nuffin

ellooooz xangstuhs! whas gewd wit all of yall?! dang i havent written in here in a min...but i guess it doesnt matter cuz no1 luvs me and leaves notes...shame on all of yall! well lets see what have i been up 2...haha i've actually been out and about...chilllin wit ppl tryna live up mah summer ya kno?! i'm still a bum wif no job tho...but thas gonna change soon i plan on going job huntin haha yes 4realz dis time. haha yay tashy aint so paranoid no more. thas gewd cuz paranoid tashy = no gewd...no gewd at all. eh yesterday was a bad day but wateva i aint even gonna get in2 dat shiet...but ish late and i'm tired i'll write more later! buhbyez ::muahz::

                               ...one...