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| What A Day..
So it's time for a another blog.. I'll start off by telling you abit about what's going on with me so far, not that anyone's interested, but anyways..
A couple of weeks ago, I thought things was going just OKAY according to what I've been feeling so far, but then only to find out that.. my Dad was due back from Vietnam this week. (Well he's back already.. only just been back for 4/5 days now).
So much for him coming back from his little vacation, only to 'cause more troubles, between him & my mom. Well, ofc the kids too.. But I won't talk about that.
Yesterday I was away, due to 'cause, i had to be (no one needs to know about that..), and 've only been away for one day, just ONE day.. and to only come home & find out, so much has happened, during that 24hours >.<
I thought things would have at least settle down by now, but he just had to make it worse for us all. (Including my mom).
So she phoned me last night, yelling down the phone, as if the world's going to end, and she started shouting, as if I done something wrong, when I wasn't even there to begin with. But that's probably the reasons, because I WASN'T there..
So, okay my parents are divorce, but does my dad always has to stir things up aswell, as my mom? Do they NEED to do that to each other? to only bring more pains to themselves & the kid..
Now, you see.. this is something I don't understand about my parents.. They say all this stuff, how they can't stand living with each other, how they can't stand fighting & arguein.. So they have to part ways.. But what's the point in that, when they part ways, Only to know they STILL DO the same thing, over & over again..
Almost as if, we're going in a continous circles.. and in revenge, they are throwing down each other throats every second of the day.
What's funny about my parents is that, how mom's only talk to me, only to ask me, Whats up with dad, what he's doing, or where he's going..
And how dad only calls me up, to see if things with my brothers are okay, and if mom's home..
They make me laugh.. but at the same time, they make me become full of hatred..
You can see why now, I describe myself as independant, only because I was raise up like that for a very long time.. And to be quite frankly, I like to be on my OWN.. and not having other people giving me so much problems, than the ones I already got atm.
Anyways, enough of the family grief.. i'll feel more hatred & cold, if I keep going on like this.
Can you believe it? It's already March.. Why is it time goes so fast.. but sometimes, I do wish time could freeze..
So.. I found out this week that i'm a passionate person, so that means.. i'm a 'true juliet of the dating world, falling quickly and deeply in a way that is all-consuming and very physical. There's no greys area for me, and I believe in love at first sight.
What this means for my love life is that.. my strong romantic side means I expect instant reciprocal affection & attraction. Which could scare men away HA HA! lol
For me, being in love means giving total commitment.
What I also found out was that, i'm COMPANIONATE, I enjoy all the simple together-pleasures, like ordering a pizza and cosying up on the sofa. Trust can be an issue for me (damn right it is.. I can't seem to trust anyone these days, well not as far as I can remember.. I just can't trust easily, like some people.. not anymore, anyways) also, as is the ability to communicate openly.. <----- That is totally ME!!!
HA HA.. I'm also LOGICAL.. in simple words, i'm thoughtful, and practical lover who bases compatibilty on matching values than change & excitement.
lol yes, i'm bored, so you can tell I've typed rubbishly.. ha ha! So, it's a monday 2moro, I think I need to go into Uni, to hand in some letters.. Other than that, I don't really have anything impoartant to do right now..
I'm useless at designing.. my ideas are gone. I want to start designing again, but I'm just not in the state too, my motivation is also going down hill.. I need to do some reading, in hope that it'll help.. but I doubt it. :S
Anyways, some people are really pissing me off also.. They make it out as if they know everything about you, but really.. they know NOTHING at all.
And these people.. ain't really worth my time to care for.. I know what it takes, to be a true friends.. And believe me, there just ain't anyone in this world.. (well whom i know anyways) who you can fully trust & endure your time with..
With me.. I just want to say, believe what you want..
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| I cant help, but think..
I'm so tired now, it is 2.04am..
Another aimless night, my mind won't let me rest..
There's things that i tend to think about, it really gets to me in some ways.. I can't sleep at night, I can't focus right.. thing ain't going my way at the moment. I'm trying so hard to forget & let go and just concentrate on the importance of things right now, but it's not working.
I realy don't understand my feelings.. Sometimes, I want it.. Sometimes I don't..
I'm so torn apart right now, so stuck in between, what should I do?
Can't take it anymore.. I feel so alone, I just wish someone was there beside me, to tell me that it's gona be alright..
*sniffles* =[
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| Sleepy head
I think its about time to update, don't you? :P
I haven't written anything for so long now. I can't remember when was the last time i've written sucha blog on the internet or in my word.docs.. Amazing how i can still write ha ha!
Actually, in fact, i could be wrong.. 'ause I remember writting something by hand in my diary. Yes, i still keep adiary if thats what you're thinking! To be honest, I find keeping a diary since year 8 til now, is quite handy.. I can flick through & read about myself over & over again.. You never know, I might learn something about me, that I never really paid attention to before.. who knows huh? :P
Anyways, moving topic, Lets begin with the New Year, i'm hoping & wishing for a better year this time round. My so called 2007 wasn't that great to me. I had a fairly high stressful moments. I remember crying so much & hurting so much all by myself. Seems like it was only yesterday, that I can still taste the pain. The tears bitterness upon my lips, as I cried out in pain. Damn! It hurts!
I want things to change this year, whether that happens or not, I don't know.. But i do wish for one thing, and one thing only.. whom of which i've wished every year.. 'Happiness'. I really want to see myself smile more, less tears, more joys.. thats what I need in life, to keep me going.
I've managed well so far.. but yet, I still feel that feeling inside.. and as usual, I find it quite hard to describe this true feeling.
Okay, enough about that, I don't wana go into details.. It's too long to explain everything on here, I'll keep that thought to myself. :)
So.. University life.. Gah! I wish it could be better, but the truth is, it's not! I hate it! I'm hating the states i'm in at the moment.. nothing seems to help, nor can anyone help me! sighs* Once again.. i'm all alone!
Oh, did i mention.. I went away for my 21st Birthday this year :) It's the very first time I did anything, well.. I didn't do it.. but it was planned for me :)
Paris was suh an amazing place. Thou, I don't know my french so good as
I used too.. we'd still manage to get round.. Chuddie was there.
Thanks
to him.. my birthday was really fantastic! This one, I won't ever
forget.. ever!!! XD (and if you're reading this Chuddie.. and I knw i
said enough to your face, but here's another few words to boost it up
ha ha! Thank you Chuddie! Thank you for this wonderful birthday
present! I a'dore it so much! <3 me)!
Right, what
next! hmm.. Okay, i named this blog 'sleepy head' 'cause recently..
I've tired myself out so much! Late night sleep, only 'cause I couldn't
sleep! i hate that! When im so tired & i want to rest.. my mind
plays up! argh!!! So annoyed by that fact! and also.. I've been so
restless.. that I don't even know what to do..
No one to go out with.. and the person who I see the most is Chuddie, & him only.. bleh! wub you really! lol ¬_¬
Anyways.. i'm beginning to a numb finger.. ha ha! probs 'cause i ain't typed like this in ages, i don't know..
yeh yeh.. me ranting about my life & problems.. boring huh? something you wouldn't wana hear..
well.. well.. I do have a secret to tell..
XD end of.... ^^
P.S Happy Valentine's people :) I sure will have mine lol ¬_¬ update soon!
Bye for now..
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| Gah..
I haven't updated.. >.< I've been tired & lonely.. & stressed about so manyh things lately..
It's already January.. a beginning of a new year. Time sure does fly.. when you're not paying attention to your surroundings.. So many days has gone past, and yet, I can't seem to find myself.. i'm still a lost soul..
My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks time. I'm going old >.< turning 21 soon.. I can't believe i'm 21, I don't look it it either.. which is a good thing to me.. hehe..
I really don't wana write so much now.. but i will soon.
Bye for now..
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| do di la doo doo.. notes.. la ford.. Writing... | | |
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