It has been a long time since I have visited this site. It has changed a lot since I have visited. In the same way, I have changed too. I have now approached the end of my freshman year in college and have yet to decide what my future goals are. Life has passed by so quickly that I find myself wondering where all the time has gone. What have I done in these past four year? Absolutely nothing. I still find myself at the same point where I was in high school. I still do not know where I am going, or what my future might hold. Many times I wish I was more motivated or had a passion for something in life. I feel eternally lost-maybe that's what I always was.

With college, there have been few changes. Of course, maturity comes with age but I still am slightly immature. Though it is only shown when I am with certain friends in the way of fangirling obsessively. Also the fact that I have a boyfriend, something which I completely did not expect coming to college. Because of that, I realized a lot of things about myself. I found out that I really worry about others and always put other people before me. That leads to my second realization that I worry about what people think about me. It isn't a vanity complex, I just do not want people to have a bad impression of me. Lastly, I realized that I don't like being alone. This was the most startling revelation since all throughout my life it has been just me. Even with a family, there has always been a segregation between my parents and me. So, for most of my life I was fine being completely secluded and I did not care for much contact with others. Of course, I loved spending time with my friends, but I did not see them much out of school. As a result of that I could sit in my room by myself for days on end without human contact. College has changed that completely. Constantly having people around me in college has shown that I really do like people. So when I find myself alone, I feel empty. I feel like a child who was given something to keep, then that object was abruptly taken away. Having a boyfriend made it worse I think...It's not as I don't adore him to death, I do really. It's just that there's the feeling of wanting to constantly be around him that is foreign. That has never happened before and it scares me a little. Ok I lied, it terrifies me. I don't think that I can ever go back to the way I was before. I still haven't figured out if that is a good thing or not.

You don't realize how boring summer is until work is over and you don't wanna do summer homework.

Bored as hell....