| - The Artist in the Ambulance ok so i know its been some time so here we go.
well as you know im home for the summer. i got a job with a painting company called Tuition Painters. well i have had some long days at work which such but hey i need the money and its $8.50 an hour so i cant complain. but anyway i have been using my mp3 player while i work and i just put a bunch of music on it. of which i put some music by Thrice and well one of the songs is
"The Artist In The Ambulance"
Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel
My world goes black before I feel an angel lift me up
And I open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white
They flip the siren, hit the lights, close the doors and I am gone
Now I lay here owing my life to a stranger
And I realize that empty words are not enough
I'm left here with the question of just
What have I to show except the promises I never kept?
I lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets
[Chorus:]
I hope that I will never let you down
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound
Look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares
It gets me down but I'm still gonna try to do what's right, I know that there's
A difference between sleight of hand, and giving everything you have
There's a line drawn in the sand, I'm working up the will to cross it and
[Chorus]
Rhetoric can't raise the dead
I'm sick of always talking when there's no change
Rhetoric can't raise the dead
I'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow
Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel
My world goes black before I feel an angel steal me from the
Greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands
They've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance
[Chorus]
Can we pick you off the ground, more than flashing lights and sound
well it just hit me as i listened to it that should have been me. as you probly saw however long ago i put it on here the pic from my accident. well i just thought and it about made me brake down but i just know how blessed i am to still be alive and not even have anything that reminds me of it b/c i didnt get any injuries. and now i just feel like i have wasted so much b/c what have i done of any eternal worth i see nothing. i just feel like really i have wasted a second chance that i was given all i can see are the ways i have messed up over and over again and it makes me sick. i just dont see why i was give this blessing when all i have done is waste it. and at times i wonder how would it be different if i had not servived? yes i know my family and amy would be very sad but they would have moved on by now and would any one else have even cared that i was no longer here. i mean i know this is so from a wonderful life and all but i wish i could have seen what it would be like if i would have died to see who would have really cared and who would remember me. dont get me wrong i dont wish i was dead, even though i would be in a better place, im so thankful that God protected me and i thank him ever time i think about it. but i feel like i have spit in his face and turned away from what he has given me. i am facing some things right now that are hard for me its nothing new for me to go through hard times but that does not make it any easier. i just i see nothing good from my life i see nothing but mistake after mistake. i see nothing of lasting significance no mark that i have left that some one some day will say "joel yeah i remember him he was a good Christian man he never did anything ground braking but he did what he could for the Lord." i just want to be able to know i lived up to what i truly could i dont want to be like the servent in the parable who was given one talent and he just hid it b/c he was affraid. i want to take my gifts and use them to glorify God not that i know what gifts i have but i want to figure that out and praise God with them. i want to be better i want to have a life worth remembering i have wasted 21 years doing nothing who says ill have any more to even have a chance to do better. people die all the time for no reason i know i probly should have a few times but by God's grace i havent. i just dont understand things at all i just dont even know what to even say to try and explain myself. i know most wont read this or care b/c they will think its to long. i guess im just down right now and need to get it out and would like to hear from ppl who would disagree with this and say i have made some kind of difference in their life. i just need some encouragement in my life right now i guess so anything you have to say would be greatly appreciated. |
