|
| Happy New Year!
2005 Reflection
Some of you may know I've been through a lot of things in 2005.
Overall I'd say that the experiences I've had led me to realize what I
want as far as expectations in life, friends, relationships, and
family. Everything happens for a reason and although people make
mistakes or have regrets in life everything has a purpose. Everything
that has happened this last year has had a huge impact on my life and
my future. Since I would rather not reflect on the bad memories I will
share some
of the good with you all that has happened to me in 2005.
So many things happened this year and it's amazing that I was
able to pick myself up and move on from some of the bad things. Life is
not easy, but all your experiences are there to learn from and grow to
make yourself a better person. I am thankful for everyone that is in my
life right now and happy that they are a part of it. I wonder what 2006
will be like...
| | |
| Have you ever woke up and looked at your clock and thought the am was
pm? Or vice versa? I just did that this morning. It has got to be one
of the dumbest things I have ever done. I got up took a shower thinking
I slept the day away... but it was 4:35 am not pm. I was worried I was
late for class or something then I noticed everyone was still home. I
thought, did my mom forget to go to work? HAHAHA ok I'm stupid...
On a happier note, I'm not sad anymore. Things are getting better in my
life and I'm finally happy n stuff. Ya, thanks for all your support and
encouragement. Sometimes life will be hard, but it makes us stronger in
the end.
| | |
| It sure is hard to move on when you think about the past. Especially
remembering where everything started. I am happy when I think about
them, but I always end up being sad because I don't have that anymore.
I guess I thought it would be a lot easier.
Despite what I may present on the outside, I am not happy. Nothing
can make me as happy as I was before. I try to keep myself busy, I try
to sleep it off, I try to make new friends but something is still
missing. I'm not complete without it.
Usually the times I feel most vulnerable are when I'm alone in the
car, late at night or when I'm with couples. I can't sleep. I can't
think clearly. I feel so alone right now and I don't want anyone to
feel sorry for me. It's just how I feel. I've learned to except the
fact that my life won't be the same again as long as I am without the
one thing that made me really happy. I still don't understand why I am
still suffering, but that will never be understood.
There is a pain inside my throat right now and my eyes are filling
with tears. Everytime I try to enjoy myself, I wish I could share that
joy with you. Since I can't, I feel sad. I have so many questions that
will never be answered. So many thoughts left unsaid. I have so many
moments where I wish that I could be happy again. I am confused and
alone.
I can't pretend to be happy anymore. Only you can change that.
Life will never be the same.
| | |
| This week kinda sucks...I just wish that some things weren't so
complicated and that everything would be a little easier and less
dramatic. If anyone hates drama, it's gonne be ME! And for some odd
reason, I'm always stuck in the middle of it no matter how hard I try
to stay away. It always comes back to haunt me and kicks me in the ass. I've
learned a lot in the past two weeks about my friends and myself I
guess.
I wrote a blog on myspace about honesty. Here's what I wrote...
FYI to my friends:
I really appreciate the ones who are honest and can truly tell me how they feel. I don't appreciate lying and pretending. I am real
and tell you how I feel even if it's hard to do and I would expect the
same from you. I guess actions speak louder than words these days. If
you're not going to be truthful to me, then you're being immature. Grow
some balls and tell me how it is. I'm sick of being in the dark and I
cannot read your mind. Maybe this is an FYI to anyone out there: Honesty is your best policy
| | |
| I BELIEVE
I believe that I am a good friend.
I believe that I was a good girlfriend.
I believe that I am open-minded and accepting of people.
I believe that I make mistakes.
I believe that I can do something if I tried hard enough.
I believe that telling the truth is your best option.
I believe that you can make your own choices.
I believe that people change.
I believe that love is blind.
So this is really random, I'm not sure where I was going with
this...but oh well. Hah...on a weird note I stayed up all night. That's
right, I never went to sleep. I've had a lot on my mind lately.
Hopefully I'll be able to nap before I go out tonight.
Being 21 has it's benefits and disadvantages hehe.
| | |
|
