discovering life/enjoying the journey

So for a while I had been battling feelings about a myriad of things in my life.

Then a couple weeks ago I was battling specifically with fear and not trusting God. All my time was consumed worrying about what Im supposed to do for college and what my lifes calling isand how I am supposed to get there. I NEED A PLAN!! I NEED TO KNOW!! I thought I knew when I graduated what I was going to do with my life. Now...its like it has all been pulled from underneath my feet.

                                                He continues to whisper to me, "Enjoy the journey."

Its amazing how much change has happened over the past year. Circumstances in life have changed, relationships have changed, peoples attitudes have changed, lifeblood has gone through awesome changes and growth, etc. But the most amazing changes, for me personally, have been changes in how I view life and people. Some call it "growing up" or maturing. Whatever it is, even over the past week I see things so much differently. My mind is being renewed. I am forming my own views on life based on experiences, conversations with people of different backgrounds, Gods Word and more

Now going back to being confused about what to do with my life: This past week, I have finally found my way back to the place of contentment and trust. Oh what a beautiful place to be in! I had missed it so much! But...It seems like it's always a rollercoaster ride for me...trusting God, that is. For a while, I walk in peace and trust, and then there comes thoughs days where I think waaayyy too much and I start planning like crazy. That's when I get myself in trouble. That's when I start to freak out and worry. WHY? Why do I do that? A lot of times, I find that when I start to worry and stress out, it is because I have not been constantly reading God's Word and filling my mind with His thoughts and promises.

                                      Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts in Christ Jesus.

So I guess just as a quick update, here are some things I have discovered or have had confirmed recently:

 (side note: of course, like always, plans change. These are just some things that I'm focused on right now in this season of my life...and I'm trusting God to lead me wherever I'm supposed to go....sooo maybe some of these things will change, but for the most part I think they're central to who I am and who I will become.)

I am not going to get a degree in music.

I have a gift for foreign languages.

I love to teach English to foreign students.

I love to speak Spanish and Japanese specifically.

I have a gift for teaching.

I have a gift for administration.

I have a gift for leading and training up leaders.

I can see myself being in management of some kind.

I thought I would have a boyfriend by now, but I dont.

                And Im okay with that.

Ultimately, in life, I want to be what we Christians call an evangelist.

I love my role as a big sister. My calling right now as a sister is so much bigger than I had ever imagined. It is more important to me than almost anything else right now.

I love working at Starbucks but I dont think Ill be working there for long.

I might have to sacrifice over the next year if I want to move out next summer.

I am definitely called to lead worship and write music.

I definitely will continue to pursue music but not as a career in the world.

I am called to Japan but I do not know when or for how long.

I have a feeling I will go all over the world and not just Japan.

And you know, I don't know the future. I don't know what I'm doing after I get my associates. I don't know what classes I'm taking this fall. I don't even know what I'll be doing exactly this summer. All I do know, though, is what God has called me to TODAY. All I know is that my God is faithful, trust-worthy, in-control, and He loves me. And THAT is enough for me...

girl meets boy

content.

moving through life pretty smoothly for a time.

Thenc

            Girl meets boy.

still content.

Thenc

            Girl gets to know boy.

                            (note: boy is freakinf amazing!)

struggles to be content.

[For a period of time,

Girl is constantly battling her feelings,

learning to wait and prayc

& learning many other lessons along the wayc

            (she definitely is learning who she is more and more

                        and what she desires for the future)

She is surrounded by an army of fellow

Warriors of Christ who support, encourage, and

do battle with her and sometimes even on her behalf

when she is tired from the fightc

Where would she be without these fellow warriors?

It is because of them that she has made it this far.]

Today,

            Girl is content,

            but in a different wayc

            Girl still likes boy,

            but in a different wayc

            Itfs a good thing.

            Ask her if you want to hear the rest of her storyc

Warning: Girl is still not perfect

            and still sometimes has wavering feelings.

            (Note: thank you, my friends, for always being there for me)

            This does not mean she lives from her feelings though.

I won't deny that I really REALLY like him.

But I have to go on. I have to keep living life, pursue my Jesus, continue the ministry God has called me to, and most of all, pray and wait. I'm not going to let the thought of what I want or what could be consume my life right now....

I think he is just a really good example of the kind of guy I am drawn towards...that I want to marry someday. And if the lessons I got out of going through this is all that comes out of it, than it was all worth it....cause trust me, I've learned alot about myself and life in general over the last couple months as I've been trying to learn to deal with this crush....

*sigh*  I forgot that having a crush felt like this. I forgot about this ache in my chest....I forgot about the butterflies in my stomach that come alive when you see the one you are attracted to. Hmmm....

Interesting....

I do want a boyfriend...(wow...I don't think I've ever admitted that)

 but I want it in God's timing...

I trust You, Jesus...

ano hito tottemo suki desu.