yellow_green88's Xanga Site

Weblog

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Currently Listening
All Hallow's EP
By A.F.I.
see related
Entry 6

I dreamt last night that I could fly if I simply turned over a plastic Wal-Mart bag and held on. The wind caught it like a parachute and I could fly anywhere I wanted.
Over the weekend, it was my friend, Katrina's, birthday. She was turning 20. A friend of hers was throwing a Old Hollywood themed birthday party for her. I didn't really want to go because I had to close that night and had to wake up early the next day. But I mainly didn't want to go because people would be drinking there. And yes, this probably makes me sound like such a prude, but from what I've seen from growing up, I just don't like to be around people when they're getting drunk, it's a personal choice. And I don't sit here and badger those who do, I just don't generally agree with it. I myself have never gotten drunk, but, I mean, I'll try something when I turn 21, but I'm not going to get smashed. I like to be in control of myself and I like to hang out with my friends when they are. Anyways, by not going to her birthday party, I just felt so left out, even though I know that this is a situation I put myself in. All of my friends who went have pictures on their Myspaces and looking at them makes me feel so sad. All of their default pictures are ones from the party. They probably think I'm a bitch to not showing up to one of my best friend's parties. I'd like to tell them what the case really is, but I'm afraid I'd just be made fun of. So, because of the choices I make, I don't get to hang out with my friends as much as I would like to.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Currently Listening
Mothership 2CD/1DVD
By Led Zeppelin
see related
Entry 5

    I am utterly frustrated. Last night and the night before, I dreamt of Matthew again. As hard as I try to bury my crush on him, having the dreams for what seems like every night just makes it harder. I keep seeing his face and it just drives me crazy. Each morning I wake up, having made no progress to stop liking him because of his appearance in my dreams.
    He is not mine.
    He is not mine.
    He is not mine.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Currently Listening
Sing the Sorrow
By A.F.I.
see related
Entry 4

    My father was being particularly rude this afternoon. To make a long story short, he was basically bashing my boyfriend. And he did it in that sneaky way he does, pretending to be nice, but having underlying tones of sarcasm. And as if I'm not smart enough to catch on!
    At work tonight I ran into Linda Ross, a friend from high school. I love this girl to death, but I just don't know what to say to her when I see her sometimes. I mean, we're really good friends, I just don't think that we have much in common outside of what is shared between our circle of friends. Instead, I simply commented on what she was wearing and hoped that was enough. I do feel quite terrible, though.
    In between dealing with customers at work, I had to attend to some major "spring cleaning" as my manager calls it. I was put in charge of getting the shelves clean. I thought this would be easy, until I saw the shelves. Talk about disgusting. Sticky stuff all over. I was given the magical "goop gone" to solve this problem, but it was going very slowly. This special goop helped turn the sticky stuff into a booger-like substance, which I was scrapping off with a razor blade. It was a slow, slow process; I finished one shelf the whole night.
    (Oh, well it's past midnight, is it? Well then--this all happend on April 30.)

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Currently Listening
Blink 182
By blink-182, Blink 182
see related
Entry 3

    Last night, I dreamt of Matthew, for what seems to have been the fourth time in the last two weeks. I don't really remember what happened in the dream, just that I could clearly see his smile and that I could tell that he wanted to kiss me. In reality, I've never kissed him. He is not mine.
    About a month ago, I got my the tragus pierced on my left ear. Well, it hasn't been healing correctly, as there is a bump on it, so I was told to soak it in sea salt water. It seems like too much salt water has gotten into my left ear. When I woke up this morning, both of my ears were bleeding and the left had discharge coming out of it. I was freaking out until I finally realized why this had happened and now I just feel stupid.
    As I got out of my car in the parking lot at college, I saw that Dorothy Nash had arrived the same time I did. I told her about what happened to my ears and she just laughed at me and then proceeded to talk softer because she knew my left ear was clogged. We walked to our painting class together. On the way there, I got a call from Katrina Lewis and I told her about my ear as well; she thought it was gross.
    Today in class was bittersweet. We had an art exhibit to tend to, but it was also one of the last days that we would be in that class. I'm going to miss having Dorothy in class with me because she is really funny and we always joke about things together. Luckily, though, I will have Painting III with Kate Norton and some other people in that class that I know, so I'm not losing everybody.
    On the way home from school, I saw a man walking down the highway, his arm stuck out. Not only did he have his thumb extended to show that he wanted a ride somewhere, but he also managed to be holding a dollar bill at the same time.
    Classic.
    I have finals next week. Summer break is coming soon; I can smell it.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Currently Listening
The Very Best of Cream
By Cream
see related
Entry 2 - These Boys Are Driving Me Crazy!

    My second boyfriend, Richard Becker, meant the world to me. He showed me what it meant to be to be in love instead of just simply having feelings for someone. He made me feel amazing. And then he broke my heart. He said he didn't want to see me anymore. He then proceeded to be quite mean to me afterwards. It too me a while to get over him and I am still dealing with the pain he caused me. Recently, he told me he still had feelings for me and that he missed me. I wanted to laugh at this, but I couldn't, soon realizing that I missed him a bit, too. Thankfully, this has been cleared up. I realize that I don't really miss Richard completely, just little "nice" things that he did. I do not care for his evil side, so I do not care for him completely.
    I love my current boyfriend, Timothy Hamilton. We've been together for about a year and half. He means so much to me and we get along great. I think he is wonderful. Downside: He doesn't really seem to want to do anything to better himself. He says he's trying to save for a new car, but I haven't seen much effort towards that. He wants a new job because he's STILL making minimum wage, but he doesn't work towards that, either. I don't really feel like he is a responsible person and I can't see a future with him if he continues this. I can't break up with him, though, I love him too much to do that.
    And then there's Matthew Hayward. I've known him since high school and we are now going to the same college. (We went on one date about almost two years ago.) I admire him greatly and have a stupid school-girl crush on him. However, due to his strict parents, I know that he would probably never be able to date me. I really have been trying to get over my crush on Matthew because I don't think it's fair to feel like this when I'm with Timothy. But I can't help that I still like him. He just amazes me.
    Today, at college, I saw Matthew in the hall while I was walking to my second class and sipping on a fountain soda. I asked him if he enjoyed the CDs that I burnt for him and he said that he did. I don't really remember what else we talked about, but I started saying how the soda I was drinking was really good. "Really," he asked. I nodded and offered him a drink, not expecting him to take one. To my surprise he did! I don't know why, but it just made me completely giddy. Immaturely, I waited until I got inside of my classroom before taking another sip of soda through the straw. I savored the fact that he had taken a drink and I kept drinking from it even though it soon became watered down and then it was simply just ice remaining.
    And I feel stupid and vindictive for liking the fact that Matthew took a drink of my soda. I hate that I have a crush on him. I shouldn't be swooning over him when I love Timothy.