i left work early today because i started crying.
i know that this was the right thing to do,
but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
it doesn't mean i don't care-
i do care- that's why i did it. because i care.
i can't pretend something is there when it's not.
but it hurts so bad in the process.

"I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood"

this is just copied from lj

so.  i'm still alive.
minneapolis is hoppin.
or is it?

i don't even remember when the last time i "blogged" was.
but whatever- i feel like dishing. if not to any livejournal users- to jc.

i'm kinda bummed.
i moved here 2 1/2 years ago and i haven't really done much with my life.
not to belittle the loves and laughs i've shared all this time-

but i've turned into a total lump.
i go to bed by 9 every night
wake up at 4:22 to go to work at 5 to 1
work again at 3-6 and go to class, dog school, feed my animals, snuggle a tiny bit, and sleep again.
i'm cranky all the time and i'm NOT the fun lizz i used to be.
oh yeah- i've grown up- slimmed down - calmed down- all that shiza beans-
but i think i'm lame. i KNOW i'm lame.

when i was 16 i thought i'd be famous by now.
i'm not done with school, which isn't a huge deal- degrees are overrated
i haven't acted since i moved away from michigan

and worst of all- someone told me i must not love jesus because i smoke.
i mean SERIOUSLY.
have i sunk this low?

whatever- i know i'm throwing a pity party-
i'm just at a point where i feel like i have to do something.
this might sound familiar- i did this for myself before i came here-

but i miss la, i miss thailand, i miss adventures as a missionary.
i know i'm here for something- i just haven't asked.
that's my real problem. i'm sinking into my routine quicksand and i'm not asking for help.
so here it goes...

help.

paper due tomorrow morning.
i am procrastinating.
i'm coming home on may 13th--30th

more than 2 weeks! how exciting!
i am excited...
for this school yr. to end!

it's been great- but it's not time to reflect quite yet.

still way too much to do.
i'm gettin' into the swing here at the U.

and i'm gettin' back to where i should be. :)

so i'm getting settled in the twin cities.
i actually really love it.
i've given a lot of vague nondescript updates
so i figured i'd post one that means something.
well they all mean something- at least to me.
i love it. i love it i love it i love it.
i'm broken and tired and a bit lonely -
but i'm right where god wants me

he's doing a bit of renovating in this ol' heart of mine
for the first time in a long time i feel honest
i feel okay- i feel pure and forgiven-
i feel real.
i know it's not about feelings. it's a byproduct of
what is going on in my life-
but that is how i feel. anyway.

it's going on 9 months now with b.dan.
crazy huh? :) i'm learning a lot. but..
this is lizz and god time- i'm being romanced
in a different way- it's not by a man-
but by god- and i'm learning to trust him again.

to be cliche... "i'm learning to breathe"