My V-Day.

Let me start out with a tirade.
Valentine's day, for all of its lovely implications, is a complete farce. It was invented by the Hallmark corporation to fill in the typically slumped sales of the first fiscal quarter--everyone's still reeling from Holiday overspending and disgusting consumption, i suppose. Valentine's day keeps Hallmark, FTD, and De Beers from getting a little frowny during the winter. Valentine's day exists solely to sell chocolates, cards, flowers and jewlery in the Holiday-sparse first quarter of each year of our lord.

V-day, as i prefer to call it--reminds me of D-Day, which i reckon appropriate--works insidiously on another level as well. Valentine's day celebrates the sanctity of the typical western relationship: Johnny Football gives Suzy Cheerleader a big heart shaped box of chocolates and walks around with her on his arm all day swooning while he flexes his muscles. V-Day maintains the status quo by means of subtle ridicule of alternate groups; i.e. having an entire day aimed at celebrating one and only one type of love indicates to gays, bisexuals, bigamists and people who just can't get laid for the life of them that they're not acceptable in contemporary american society and would they please shape up before next February 14th?

Finally, does anyone else think it's fucking ridiculous to have one government-sanctioned day designated to actually showing someone important that you care? That's the most western part of the whole deal, i think, the convenience of only having to say "i Love You" on the day you're told to by society at large.

That's fucking bullshit. I'm perfectly capable of expressing love without societal impetus thank you very much, and i manage to do so with a lot more frequency than that cold day in February commands.

Now.

What i've always preferred to do is just refuse to acknowledge the existence of V-Day. A corporate boycott. Pretend it's arbor day, or secretaries' day, a recent invention that's of no actual significance. So that's what i did. I got a job and read some books and went to school and drank a lot of coffee. Thought i had a flat tire at one point. Fuck everyone, basically, my work and my interests are of more immediate concern to me.
The later the day got, however, the more... uncharacteristic. One girl called me and wanted me to go drink with her, just us, and i declined. I had things to do around the house. Leah calls me and asks me to go down to her house. Begs me. Her friend Jessica grabs the phone and tries to convince me. Jessica tells me her friend Bianca, also in Leah's company, thinks i'm sexy so wouldn't i want to go down there? That's four so far. Another phone call, a house full of drunken, bitter girls on Valentine's day. Six of em. Three or four were trying to get me to go over there, one of them wanted to have sex with me. No, no, sorry girls i have to get up early. That's, what, eight drunk girls who wanted me to be with them on V-Day? This is bizarre, this is bizarre. Leah calls again and wants to get married. Tries to convince me she's sincere when she says she loves me. That conversation ends and the drunken mob calls again. One of those was really drunk and was demanding to know if i still loved her and why don't i call her like i used to and oh i know you only care about Leah. I finally manage to get off to bed at around four thirty the next morning, thoroughly confused.

On this day, 2000 A.D...

The only entertaining V-Day i can remember otherwise was my senior year in highschool.  A girl i had an art class with was always telling me about a crush her friend's little sister had on me.  She suggested i buy one of those flowers-and-a-sonnet deals the drama department always put out for the 14th.  I bought the girl a rose and some goofy Shakespearean sonnet.  I went to art immediately after that, and was informed by the informant that the older sister was going to get jealous, tee hee.  Dutifully i went out at the next lunch and bought older sis the exact same set.  Sure i'm a prick, but that was hilarious.

Shit what happened.

Alex paid me ten bucks to drive him down to Sacramento, so i ended up hanging out at Leah and Jake's.  I think they were both under the assumption that I went down there to hang out with them, but whatever the case I was there.

Eventually, Leah and i went down to the store for cigs and were walkin back when this goofy black guy tootles up and asks for some change so he can get a beer and get home to bed 'cause it's been a horrible day.  I notice he's limping and he says he stepped on a nail today and yes he got his tetanus shot three months ago.
Says his name is Lorenzo something something full name and Nice to meet you Cody and Leah.  Said he'd smoked three joints and his foot still hurt "like a bitch."  Leah generously, altruistically, benevolently offered to roll him a joint for his trouble. 

He walked to her pad with us and was real dorky, reciting lines he liked from "Half Baked."  He tentatively came inside with us and Leah got him set up while he formally introduced himself to everyone in the room with a firm handshake and a smile on his face.

He liked KMFDM.  He was goofy.  Jake and Leah had him buy them a bottle of vodka at the liquor store, seeing how he's 24.  Lorenzo was a nice guy.

The rest of the kids in the apartment and I were fantasizing that Lorenzo was a zombie and was eating the two actual tenants as we spake.  It's early in the month so the rest of us were planning on just living there and loafing until the end of the month when the bills came and someone might catch on.  Now i almost wish that had happened.  Fuck.

Picabia:  "Kiss, shout, kick my teeth in, so what?  I shall still tell you that you are half-wits.  In three months my friends and i will be selling you our pictures for a few franks.

Duchamp:"I was aware, at that time, that for the spectator even more than for the artist art is a habit forming drug and i wanted to protect my "readymades" from such a contamination."

Okay, fuckers.

The anecdote was exaggerated.  I do that.  More fun to write. 

The reason i was close to weeping last night was, aside from the passing wave of suicidal-uh.. -ism i've been in lately, was the story my mom was telling me.  She was telling me about her day at work.  The story, however, was so unbearably dull and monotonous and of absolutely no interest to anyone... not even her, which is the sad part. 

Essentially, my parents are sad and bored (boring even), and i need to get the fuck out of here as soon as i can.

Today i heard some girl say "he was hanging out with drug friends!" and nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

More Quotes from School:
"If you're looking for sympathy look it up in the dictionary--it's between shit and syphillis."
"...who had down's syndrome and is mentally retarded from it"
"guys, i hope you think you're a sex-dude out there"

Leah's birthday was the 30th; i had a fuckload of free time, so i wrote her haikus.  The best:

Last week i wanted to kill myself for one very specific reason.  In Psych 1, we did some exercise to 'get to know' each other.  A guy in my group asked "what's your unique thing?"  I couldn't think of anything, so finally i spit out "uh, i have a weird birthmark that looks like a third nipple... with a hair coming out of it."
It's not funny.  That's the only thing i could think of to answer that straightforward, fairly simple question.  Nothing about my talents or skills or things i do for fun.  Just one insignificant physical oddity.  Fucked up my whole day.

A little anecdote.

I think this fairly well summarizes the day's mood and themes.
Once i finally managed to get up this morning, i decided--good student that i am--to get a head-start on the research paper i'm going to have to do for Human Sexuality.  I was scouring google for information about the effect(s) pornography has on the developing psyche, behavioural patterns that can be traced to it, etc. 

I came across a reference to Frotchulism, so i decided to see about other weird fetishes.  The search results were almost entirely porn TGPs and pay sites.  So i spent the next fifteen minutes looking at amatuer cumshots and masturbating.  I felt like shit when i was done; the irony was just too depressing. 

So i took a nap.  I'd only been awake about an hour, but i took a nap.  By dinner time i was close to weeping.