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Hey our faithful readers, it's YT's Nov. Late-Election Issue this month!!
So ton of action-packed presidential goodness in this ere' issue.

Pick it up @ a local distributor, or Download it:

Here

Enjoy!

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Grapes, the future stepfather of all things American

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VINELAND, New Jersey (YT) -- Only a week after the presidential elections, Harris Burwell, a managing director of one of Welch's main juice processing plants, has seen sales for grape juice and other grape-based products skyrocket at alarming rates. Other major juice refining companies around the nation have also witnessed similar sales surges since the end of the election last week.

Says demographic analyst Phil Veed:
"It's simple really. People were amazed by Obama being elected. From that day forward they not only saw change, they expected it. In regards to change, they expect change in our country and society in all aspects. From what research tells us, many are expecting the president-elect to change our national drink, from nothing, to grape juice."

Across the nation, other grape-based products have also seen increased profit such as grape candies, pacifiers, condoms, and even grape-flavored narcotics. Once the nation's most disliked flavor, only second to Lemon, grape has risen to the top of the nation's likes, ushering in a new era of Grape.

"It's a real change for me, ya' know. I spect' ol' baldie ill' be replaced with a new national mascot. Barack'll probably put in a fresh new bald eagle. Maybe somethin' like Simmons the purple eagle, eh? Not quite sure, but what I am sure of is that I've just run out of currant-flavored cigarettes, be gettin' me some of that soon," comments commercial truck driver, Geoff Burgins.

Although reckoned a strange, and bizarre phenomenon by some of the economic community, the grape craze has also had some advantages. Market research shows that the consumer rates for average grape/purple product purchasing Americans has risen in the past week alone from 1-5 products a year for a male, to 50-100 products a year; 10-30 products a year for a female, to 25-300 products a year. Wallstreet analysts speculate that if the market for grapes continues to grow at its current rate, then the US will be on its way to economic stability in the next 5 years.

Says US economic researcher Fred Wilt:

"Clearly President-Elect Barack Obama has cured the economy, before even stepping into the White House."

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Reported by Ter.

© 2008 by Yellow Today. All Rights Reserved.
All articles are fictional, and fabricated for the entertainment of the viewers of Yellow Today

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Hey our faithful readers, it's YT's 1-year anniversary this month!!
So we've made our issue even more special, action-packed, and spectacular for all of you.

Pick it up @ a local distributor, or Download it:

Here

We hope you all enjoy it, and share it with your friends!!
We look forward to a continued readership with all of you!!

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Iraqi citizens, and military personnel intermingle during the "Infidel
Festival," on Oct. 16th, last week.

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AL ANBAR, Iraq (YT) -- As the economy continues to ripple with the side effects of global recession, nation leaders worldwide have discovered that less and less commodities and resources are becoming available to them. The U.S. government alone has noticed the shocking plummet in Iraqi demand for infidels, since early last week.

"The American infidels have done themselves a splendid job. Wherever one looks, the country is becoming pacified, people are welcoming foreigners into their homes, and new infrastructure is being laid down. Because of these, immense changes our people have realized the infidel is no longer needed to shoot our men, and burn our homes," states Sheik Abdul-Jabbar Abu Risha, of the Abu Mahals.

With jobs becoming scarcer and scarcer globally, U.S. forces placed in Iraq have found the situation increasingly disconcerting. As Maj. Dean Fitzgerald of the 1st Marine Division commented earlier today:

"It really really depresses me, that the situation would come to this. For almost seven years we have toiled in this paradise of dirt, and dust, trying so desperately to forge a government, and a new home of destruction and carnage. To find that first at home our jobs are disappearing, and now second, here, at our 'home away from home' our current occupations are becoming a thing of the past is truly alarming."

Directly after Maj. Fitzgerald issued his statement, he joined a new U.S. surge, Operation Rejuve, in which U.S. forces ransacked, pillaged, and destroyed several districts in Al Anbar. These actions were taken to "upset the balance," and "encourage Iraqi's to increase demand for infidels," spoke an anonymous U.S. official.

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Reported by Ter.

© 2008 by Yellow Today. All Rights Reserved.
All articles are fictional, and fabricated for the entertainment of the viewers of Yellow Today

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Enjoy the newest issue of YT!!! Get IT HERE:

 

https://www.yousendit.com/download/bVlBT2pCZEtOQnhMWEE9PQ

Sincerely,

Your Friendly YT

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Harvard officials have reported that applicants will be mailed
either a pink, or pumpkin-colored manila envelope depending
on the review board's intepretation of each student's sexual
orientation.

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CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts (YT) -- Since 1639, Harvard University, aptly named Harvard College at the time has been the first and foremost institution for higher learning in the United States, or so their advertisements say. One thing for sure is, the Harvard-ites have lead the US, in one college inovation after another. Just to name off a few, in 1700, they invented the formal rejection letter, used on 400 to over 20,000 unfortunate students every year since then. In that long list of creations are also several college methods, still used commonly by universities globally today including, "False-Acceptance Technique," "Your F***ed Technique," and "Error 404: Your Are Being Investigated Technique."

Yet, as with all great things Harvard, comes yet again another ingenius invention by the twisted masterminds over at the Harvard Officer of Undergraduate Admissions: The Honest Admissions Letter.

Nicknamed the HAL, Harvard officials have let the public into their first peek at what the new invention is, what it does, and how does it make students love Harvard even more.

When first seen, the HAL seems nothing more than an atypical acceptance, or denial letter sent to the average applicant. However, beyond that manila cover lies, a much more elaborate package that not only reveals to applicants an indepth look at the inner workings of the famed institution, but also the extent of honesty Harvard provides all applicants, students, and future attendees.

As Dan Haltz, an official at Harvard’s Office of Admissions, stated:

“Here at Harvard we uphold the best of both worlds. Both the best there is in college education, life, and learning, as well as the best of life on the outside, with honesty, sincerity, and integrity. To each student we wish to use the HAL to show each individual just how honest we are. Included inside the HAL, is your accepted or not accepted letter, as well as several other goodies. Among the items, we’ve chosen to include a live visual recording of the review board as it scrutinized each application, and watched taped recordings of every applicant interview. Through this method we wish to show the international community that Harvard is still the most honest institution globally.”

Besides a live recording, HAL will also be accompanied by the remains of each applicant’s former-application, 2 On-The-Go Packs of Harvard Brand tissues, A paper-thin mirror for seeing one’s own reaction, and 2 tickets to a Midsummer Night’s Dream at Broadway in order to either celebrate, or cheer oneself up.

As with all great Harvard inventions, college analysts expect the school's popularity to increase 80% in the coming months, and student applications to increase by 30,000, as an effect of Harvard's renewed honesty.

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Reported by Ter.

© 2008 by Yellow Today. All Rights Reserved.
All articles are fictional, and fabricated for the entertainment of the viewers of Yellow Today