i never thought i could get to this furious.....

we wer driving home, Joti said, the tuesday before 12/22/07, i should be rehearsing with the band. so, may be she can go to the Christmas party of the hosp network with co workers....... right at the moment, i did not feel anything, OK, i thought, if you want to go to the party, let's work it out, may be it's possible. few minutes later as we talked on, i felt sick, my heart raced and pounding, i went furious, thinking that she is going to the party with the coworkers, and she is going to have a great time and it's Ok that she will go without me.

it's been a long time since i last felt so angry about anything. i was really feeling sick at that moment.

well , ladies who are reading, i know you are getting judgemental already......

"why not? can we have a great time when you are doing something you wanna do........"    you must be saying,"alex you are so out and uptight!"

well in fact, the reason why i got so upset i guess was, when it comes to schedule and time use, we always talk, and to be honest, i am careless , she reminds me alot and she fixes things up for me, so , i am grateful and i have got into the habit of consulting before deciding. if she says no, i won't say yes. cos' she always ends up right. and we put our mutual willingness to comply to the arrangement first. this time, it seems to me, going to party, which is a happy thing to her and to me, and i will be willing to work it out,i was not valued appropriately. or simply say, i am jealous and i was put at second.

later she admits, she really does not want to go without me.she was hoping things will work out infavor of both. she probably was taking her chance in saying it. she say she was surprised how i reacted.

man, being angry is very painful, i really don't want another "test" like this.....