yen1mori's Xanga

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 20:30:23 GMT

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

Explains exactly how my day went. Sometimes I'm amazed that I get through it. Thank goodness for kids who say the darndest things. They make me laugh, and that is a good thing. It's what makes my job all worth it.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 19:32:05 GMT

It's funny how much alike my brother and I are sometimes. I was browsing at the Frankfurt Christmas Market today and Christmas music was playing. Certain Christmas songs invoke sentimentality and I couldn't help but miss Thomas when I saw some of the Christmas trees infront of the library. Low and behold, I went on Facebook today and got a message from him. My family has got a new Christmas tree and he had similar thoughts. Growing up, our family's Christmas tree was always somewhat chaotic. It was basically put on as much lights, garland and whatever decorations we've accumulated over the years. The tree was the same small one for years. When I was little, it seemed really big. However, when we realized that we were as tall as the tree, it was time to get a new one. I remember that there were years when decorating the tree felt more like a chore. When we moved to the house on Dougall, it became a job for Thomas and I to get done since the rest of the family was in London by then. Surprisingly, it was great fun to go buy all new decorations and fill the tree the way we really wanted it. Of course, a few family collections still made their way onto it. We couldn't part with those. Some things are worth bringing out once a year. They brought back childhood memories. The best thing about it was that the tree didn't look cluttered with odds and ends. Nostalgia is a good thing.

We haven't had a proper Christmas tree for the season since Daren and I moved here to the UK. To be honest, if there was a tree in our flat, there would be no walking room whatsoever. I'm happy to say that we do still have the first small evergreen tree we bought from our first Christmas over here. It's gotten taller and fuller and will do well to be adorned with a few festive ornaments. Christmas just doesn't feel the same without close family and friends to hang out with. We will have a turkey as Daren is already relishing the idea of getting a really good one from the game stand at the market. We still laugh about the teradactyl that he ended up bringing home that first Christmas here. If not turkey, it'll be partridge this year.

Ho hum, now I'm feeling a bit sad. Time to go make a cup of tea and curl up with a film.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 20:38:41 GMT

What an intensely weird week I've had.

Monday, I was observed during my focus teaching time. Got a satisfactory. I found myself already thinking the things that the inspector ended up telling me. So at least we're on the same level in that respect. She's coming back in three weeks. So another three weeks to work wonders on the environment and polish up some more on my satisfactory skills in hopes of getting good next time.

Spent the whole week trying to sort out my assessments and that's been a harrowing experience. To think that it's only the beginning of the year. I'm overly excited about all that is to come!!!

Been trying to comfort some children whose mum passed away. The 6-year old is asking to talk to her. He's up in main school, not doing very well, and I ended up feeling all welled up after talking to him the other day. The 3-year old seems to a bit more settled back into the routine. She's always been very quiet. In her own little ways she is showing anxiety. She grips onto you as if she doesn't want to be torn away from you.

On Thursday, I had opened a small packet of crisps at lunch but couldn't finish it, so left it on the kitchen counter in the staff room. When all the kids had gone for the day I went back to get it. Walked back into my work area with it and was about to put my hand into the bag when I saw that it was shaking. A little mouse jumped right out from it!!!! Of course I squealed like a baby as it scurried around the room. It started to go for the crisps that fell out of the bag! Ugh, to think that I could've had my hand actually in the bag, gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However, I do feel bad that there are now loads of bait boxes around. It was just a little mouse. The Site Manager is taking no chances that it's got other little friends around. I'm imagining all the mice coming out to party late at night, Disney style.

Friday after work. Was at Boots picking up some things. An old Indian man approached me and asked me where I was from and shook my hand. He sent chills down my spine when he started rubbing my hand. He followed me down the aisle a bit and asked if he could buy me a present. He was in the queue as I approached the check out, so I turned around and bolted to the one on the other side of the shop.

I woke up this morning and said to myself that I will not do any work related stuff today. So far I haven't had to twist my own arm over this. I've actually had to bring my travel backpack to work so that I can carry all the things I needed to use this weekend. Tomorrow is another story.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 18:19:50 GMT

We woke up this morning at 10:30am only to discover it was really 9:30am!!! What a little cocoon we've been in that we didn't even realize it was time to turn the clocks back.

The past month has felt like one big rollercoaster. I'm still feeling its effect. Vulnerability is the first word that comes to mind when I think about what I've been left with. I wake up each day with the fear that this is it, today is the day that my little world will crumble. Then I get on with it and lull myself into a false sense of security and continue on with my day. It never leaves my mind. I may seem absorbed with the book I'm reading, but my mind is spinning with what ifs about something I have little control over. I may seem to be engulfed in my pile of assessments, but my mind quickly wanders back to this blasted grey cloud that is hovering over me every single day.

Back to work tomorrow. Well, let's be true here, I didn't actually have a half-term break. I worked because I need to. Fortunately, it was a great week of Play Scheme. I got to enjoy a side to some of the kids that I usually don't see. Some people may criticize that we didn't get a lot registered, but I will argue that the quality time we got to have with the children will never really be replaced by higher registration numbers.

I'm proud to say that I love my job. There's nothing more exciting as working with young children and being surprised by them every day. But with PER and OFSTED breathing down my neck, I'm torn between wanting to do my best and loathing that I have to put on a show to impress people who haven't taught in a classroom in goodness knows how many years.

Back to assessments now. I took a little break earlier when I went out to get groceries. Goodness, Tesco at 5pm on a Sunday is filled with my fellow Chinese people!!!! It's not often I get to experience that now a days. I forgot how loud and rude some can be. I was getting really annoyed with the girl behind me in the check out line because she kept on bumping into me as the line progressed to the front. I was dying to get out ASAP!

Monday, October 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 05:10:43 GMT

I look at my friends, then I look at me. Without my buddies, where would I be? My friends, my sisters, my world, where would I be without the girls? Giggles & tears, smiles & laughs, late night text & photographs. We'll be there together until the last day. Best girlies forever just won't fade away.

That was a text Jabeen sent me this weekend. She's so cute!

Today is Thanksgiving. I actually forgot it was until I spoke to Jennifer last night. I am thankful for my family and friends in Canada and here in the UK. I miss my family and friends in Canada. I was letting myself get to the point where I thought I might actually see them sooner than planned, but selfishly, I do hope that things work out the other way. It is in times of crisis where you find out who truly is on your side.

I'm thankful for my parents, who gave me life and who always selflessly give give give. I hope that one day I can give back to them. I know it will in no way be close to what they've given me, but I want to be able to see them happy in their way. I know it's hard to see a daughter so far away and not yearn to be close to them, but they are always in my thoughts.

I'm thankful for my siblings for being supportive as well. We're all from the same blood and the bond is forever no matter where life takes us. I appreciate the quiet understanding that Thomas and I have. I miss those sisterly moments with Theresa.

I'm thankful for my friends. I appreciate the moral support you've all given me in your own ways. I wish you all the greatest things that will make your lives complete. I will always cherish the laughters because they are the best memories of all. Can't wait to laugh with you again, my friends.

I'm thankful for Daren. I don't know what I'd do without him. He is forever the constant rock and I'd be in pieces without him. Love.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 14:55:37 GMT

It was 80's classic music theme at the gym today. A bit annoying. That turned into amusement when Gonna Fly Now from Rocky was playing while I was running on the treadmill. By the time that song was finished, I had moved onto bicep curls, while Eye of the Tiger was playing. Then Going the Distance was playing while I was doing lat pull downs. It was amusing when the first song played, but when Eye of the Tiger came on, Daren and I couldn't help but shake our heads and giggle. I'm not a big fan of Rocky. I have never seen any of the films as a whole. Not interested. Although, I was rather surprised that I liked Rambo when I saw it for the first time last year. It's not that I don't like films about boxing. I liked The Hurricane and Cinderella Man.

I'm going through the planning for next week's lessons. It's nice to finally get back into the swing of things. I hope. I texted Sarah last night saying that I'm probably one of the crazy few who look forward to heading to work on a Monday morning. It's easy when I enjoy what I do. Kids say the darndest things...and I love it when they do. For those who can't speak English yet, there are other ways to communicate. Universal body language and facial expressions can break barriers and create precious bonding experiences. I've got a huge pile of stuff to sort out still. First paintings. First scribblings. They're all kept for milestone documentation. I love it at the end of the year when you look at children's work from September and compare them to July. It's amazing how much they will achieve in 10 month. I look forward to it.

There's a constant underlying state of unrest in me. I'm seeking normality in hopes that I will feel whole. Normality requires routine and interaction, which I hope will come again soon. I close my eyes and feel anxiety creep in immediately. When I open my eyes I'm left with a feeling of overwhelming fear that follows me. Nothing ever comes easy. Everything has a price. When will resolution come? Waiting. I've always hated waiting. Once upon a time, I did so much waiting that everything just became the past. Regret comes so quickly. I hate it when I've got choice but to wait. Normality, please could you come soon and envelope me while I wait.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 06:30:45 GMT

I went to Sarah's house yesterday to give her some things to give to Celia. She's so sweet...knowing my guilty pleasure, giving me some Green & Blacks Dark Chocolate to cheer me up. Rehana also came over!!! It was so nice to see the girls. They took my mind off of what's been happening and it was just nice to laugh, even if it only lasted a short while. I'm so fortunate to have friends who are so supportive. Sarah is one of the nicest people I've ever met. Even after we did all that shopping for it, she didn't even get angry when I told her that I wasn't going camping. And her family is so great...so laid back!!!

I'm also fortunate that I've got a Head Teacher who is so understanding and so good. Can't say the same for my agency right now. I'm torn between wanting to make things work for me, which means getting someone in trouble, and not wanting to make things difficult. My mind is spinning and I want it to stop. Waiting. The wait is agony. Need to know!!!!!!! When will the phone ring???????

On a completely different note, Birmingham made it onto the UK Monopoly Here and Now Edition!!! Hooray!!!! London is on it, of course. However, Brum beat London in the votes and is worth more!!!! http://www.monopoly.co.uk/HoldingPage/index.aspx

Wishing, hoping, sitting, waiting....

Monday, September 17, 2007

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 19:56:05 GMT

What an unexpected kind of day!!! Got to work around 8:15am only to find out that there was no running water in the main school. Went down to the Nursery unit thinking that my end wouldn't be affected cause we're a separate building. Wrong. Staff meeting called for 8:30am. Apparently we were hit by a major water main burst somewhere in Edgbaston. Decision? Children will be sent home and we get to go home also. Woohoo!!! So all the staff took to the gates and streets to break the news to the kids and their parents. Most parents were understanding. However, a few fathers had some not so nice words to say and they did it infront of their kids. They were put off because they had to wake up to get their kids to school. I hate to say it, but it's not like they were going to work. They were going home and crawling back into bed!!!! Needless to say, we were all professional even when some adults couldn't act like adults. Since Ann & Val didn't have any work for me to do, Sarah and I took off and went shopping. We got Sarah's sleeping bag and picked up a few travel items for our upcoming Camping Trip. We enjoyed a lovely cup of tea at Starbucks and then went our separate ways. I managed to go to the gym earlier than I was planning to go. It was nice because there weren't too many people working out.

The second wave of kids were supposed to start Nursery today. The first wave started last week and most were settling in alright and were having good separation time from their parents. Of course, there were the usual few who had to scream bloody murder when mum or dad left the room. It'll take time, but I know they'll eventually settle and enjoy being at school. This too shall pass.

So camping this coming weekend. It's actually part of a school trip for the Year 6. Sarah and I are going for the fun of it, even though we know we'll be supervising the kids part of the time. It'll be nice to do something different on the weekend. Hopefully the weather will be nice. At this moment, the idea of going isn't making me all excited, only because I'm really really tired. Hopefully I'll feel better as we near the end of the week. I am a bit peeved that Rehana has backed out!!!!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 21:41:25 GMT

Daren went to Prague on Tuesday with some work colleagues. He's supposed to be home tonight, not sure when. He only said that he'll be in late. He's not really one for the specifics. If I were traveling away from home, I'd be compulsively specific, leaving a list of contact details posted on the fridge door. Knowing Daren, I'd probably make two copies. I don't even have the name of the hotel they're all staying at. His mobile doesn't work over there. Amy called me yesterday asking me for the hotel phone number. Like Daren, Simon didn't leave her any contact info either. It's no wonder Daren and Simon are such good friends. Luckily Daren at least thought of giving me Janice and Fiona's mobile numbers.

I'm missing him. Haven't slept very well the past two nights. A bit on edge, a bit paranoid. Everytime I hear the gate open, I get a bit jumpy. We had a bit of a scare at 3am last Thursday night. Let's just say an opportunist happened upon the main gate not being securely closed. The gateway leads into the courtyard and our flat would be the first one he sees. I was asleep, the bedroom windows were wide opened, and that's where he headed. Luckily Daren was still awake in the living room and saw the guy's shadow through the patio door curtains. The guy bolted right back out towards the gateway when he saw that Daren was at the patio door. By the time Daren chased him through the gateway and into the street, the guy was long gone. The police came to patrol the area, but they didn't find anyone. The bed is against the wall, right under the window. The thought of some stranger trying to climb through while I'm asleep is absolutely terrifying. I'm usually the one who sleeps closest to the window. Ever since that happened, Daren has been sleeping on that side instead, and I didn't even have to ask him to. Not that he'd be any help once he's asleep. The man can sleep through a major thunderstorm without stirring. At least he tries to make me feel better about it. So I've been sleeping with the windows locked while Daren is away. Everyone's been pretty vigilant about making sure the gate is closed securely now that we've posted notices around the building. But there are the few who stumble in drunk and don't bother.

I was feeling a bit bummed earlier today. Not being paid throughout the summer holiday is finally hitting me hard. The next pay period won't be for another two weeks. Part of me is relieved to be going back to work so that I will start getting a regular pay cheque. Sometimes I'm very tempted to quit Timeplan and go with another agency. I hear some agencies pay better. If not, there are opportunities for a pay rise, which after working with Timeplan for two years, is still not happening. However, if I switch agency, I probably won't be working at APS. Every school has their main agency that they'll call whenever they need supply staff. For APS, Timeplan is it. The other day I was on one of those websites where they compare my actual pay rate to the national average. I was majorly bummed after that. Let's just say I feel like I'm not being paid enough for the amount of work that I do. The good thing about the situation is that I am working full time hours. I'd hate to go back to day-to-day supply. I'm also having Visa issues right now. Here I thought things were going to be straightforward. I never get to do things the easy way. It's always the "character building" way that I must venture through.

Chris (Daren's mum) rang today. It was a pleasant surprise. She must have read my mind about my worries of us not getting paid throughout the holidays. She is ever so thoughtful and supportive. I felt better just hearing a friendly voice on the phone. My family is currently moving into their new house as I'm typing. I'm glad for them. After all these years of living in an apartment, my parents can go back to the normality of being in a proper house. I'm so relieved for them, especially for Thomas. From the photos I've seen, the house looks massive. Maybe it's because I've been living in flats for the past two years, but the idea of having take care of a house with so many rooms just doesn't appeal to me. Less rooms, less work. I also don't like having space that isn't functionally used. Anyways, I'm looking forward to talking to the family, hopefully this weekend.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 14:05:20 GMT

Not very exciting, but here are some videos that I took of when were driving back into Birmingham after our day trip from Hay-on-Wye yesterday. It starts from when we get off the A38, coming into City Centre, and ends when we get to our flat. I apologize for the shakiness. It basically goes with the flow of the roads. Also, don't mind those shots of Daren too much. He wants to make clear that he is only scratching his nose, nothing more.