There's something in the saying, "When you love something, set it free, if it comes back, then it's meant to be."

I let him go almost two years ago, but forever, he was in my heart, somewhere deep. We could never work it out because it was never the right time. We both were going through some pretty devestating situations in our lives. I could always feel a connection with him, it was like seeing my life right through his eyes.

But somehow,  we'd always manage to end up together, whether it was in the same classroom, hallway, parking lot, grocery store, amusement park, it was like we could never avoid each other no matter how awkard it was.

My feelings for him was like a switch. I could push the on button, and fall in love with him all over again, or I could turn it off, bury my feelings, and hope it never resurfaces.

This year, I feel like it's resurfacing, because he's back.

I didn't expect it.

I thought I could go a full year without someone, but I know I can't be afraid to love any longer. I've realized life is short and you should go after something that makes you happy. Afterall, happiness is free.

And he's back in my life.

I feel like I've risen from the dead.

I feel refreshed and anewed, knowing, that I can love again after being hurt in previous relationships.

Truth is, I've realized I never got over him, and truth be told, I'm glad I never did.

I never forgot 020705.

<3

Communication.

It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.

 <3

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me...

It's the one day I will never forget. The memories are still glued to me, permanently. Everything I touch or do reminds me of the memories I had with her. She was always there for me, always. I remember the very last day I saw her.

I walked in the store and she was sitting in her chair as usual, peeling a box full of oranges. She smiled at me and pulled out a chair for me to sit. I knew by the look on her face, she was tired, but I always was amazed that my grandma kept working and never gave up, not even once. My whole life, I admired that about her, never quitting when obstacles wear you down. She made me eat oranges with her and laughed at my jeans because they had holes in them. She said I looked like a hoboe wearing holes in my jeans. Her words made me laugh, I love spending time with my grandma. She always critizied me everytime I saw her, but I knew it was out of love and I loved her for it.

When she died, everyone had their own way of coping with her death. My dad never spoke more than two words. My mom spend her days in the funeral home never wanting to leave grandma's side. My sister kept herself busy, doing all kinds of things so she wouldn't have to stop and think. And as for me, I spent endless nights drinking red bull and crying myself to sleep.

I miss her, but I know she's in a better place watching from above. Rest in peace grandma. <3