yente's Xanga

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 06:17:30 GMT

I think it's time to get some sleep.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 06:44:23 GMT

This is what happens when you finish your play for theatre class at 2:30 in the morning...

SILENCE IS GOLDEN, OR SOMETHING AKIN

By Danielle Zaborski

CHARACTERS:

Martin – magician, average Joe

Marcy – magician’s assistant, ditzy and flirtatious

Clark – mime, frustrated

The Fantastical Fernando – ringmaster, self-absorbed

Roberta/Bob – bearded lady, type of guy who would normally be in a wife-beater

Geraldine – lion tamer, shy, stutters

SETTING:

Break room of Barnum and Bailey’s Circus

AT RISE:

Martin and Marcy sit at a small table, playing cards.

MARTIN:

Oh come on, Marcy, just one more time. Pick one card, just one card, please? You can pick any card you like out of the entire fifty-two.

MARCY:

Oh gee, let me guess. I will magically pick a card that will magically be the

most magical card of all. (Picks up a card.) Oh my, might this possibly be the… (makes a drum roll sound with her mouth and flips over her card.) ace of hearts? Oh shock and disbelief! Martin, I’m tired. We’ve been doing this for the past – oh, I don’t know – two hours? When do we go on again?

MARTIN:

Okay, okay… let’s try this… pick up another card…

MARCY:

Oh my gosh…

MARTIN:

Stay with me here. Now, keep it flipped over. Put your hand over it, like this…

MARCY:

Okay…

MARTIN:

Picture in your mind what the man of your dreams would look like. Once you feel you have the image imprinted in your mind, flip the card.

MARCY:

Give me a second. This is hard. There’s too many good looking men out there to pick just one.

MARTIN:

Take your time. (Marcy squints her eyes, makes some faces, then finally looks at her card observing it for a long time. Martin leans in, impatient.) Well, how did I do? What does it say?

MARCY:

Stephen Hawking…

MARTIN:

Let me see that. (Takes card from Marcy, pulls it closer to his face, then farther away, as if he isn’t seeing it correctly.) Sorry. Give me a second. I know I have a Matt Damon or Johnny Depp in here. I’m supposed to even have a Jack Nicholson or Harrison Ford for those who like it a little old school. (Reshuffles cards.) Here. Try it again.

MARCY:

(Picks a card, looks at it.) Leonard Nimoy. (Confused.) So where did these cards come from, anyway?

MARTIN:

I had a gig at the convention center last weekend. Don’t ask. I haven’t had the chance to weed out my cards since then. (Mime walks in. He is obviously very upset. He stomps in and throws an invisible hat, then stomps on it.) Oh, hey Clark.

MARCY:

(Without looking at him.) How are you, dear? (Mime is obviously amazed and upset by Marcy’s lack of attention. Throws his hands toward her in disbelief, then stomps extra loud so that she turns around, which she does very slowly without being particularly observant.)

MARTIN:

What’s wrong, Clark? Not enough screaming children today? (This offends Clark and he reacts.)

MARCY:

You know, as a child, mimes and clowns always scared me to death. I think something happened when I was just a little thing. (Both Marcy and Martin completely ignore Martin as he raves in the background.)

MARTIN:

You wouldn’t think that happy little clowns (motions in Clark’s direction without looking at him) could cause so much childhood scarring, but it seems to be a common story for a lot of people. I read in a magazine one time about this kid…

ROBERTA:

(Enters loudly, rubbing his chin, and interrupts Martin.) Before both God and man, I would like to take this moment to say… SPIRIT GUM SUCKS! (Rubs chin with more gusto.)

MARCY:

Where did your beard go, baby?

MARTIN:

You shaved? Did the elephants step on your head or something to create this new bout of stupid? C’mon, Bob…

ROBERTA:

It’s Roberta. (Martin gives him a funny look. Roberta shrugs.) I’m still in the dress. Sorry, it’s policy. (Notices Clark, who is still fuming. Roberta waves.) Hey Clark. (Continues his conversation.) Anyways, I might have had myself a little date last night… (spits)

MARCY:

You didn’t! With who… if you don’t mind my asking.

ROBERTA:

Her name is Marla. She’s one of the trapeze artists.

MARTIN:

Oh, man. There is something irresistibly sexy about a woman who makes a living by placing her life in the hands of a piece of rope.

ROBERTA:

You’ll never believe what she told me. Trust me, you’re going to get a kick out of this…

MARCY:

What?

ROBERTA:

Steffan the Great and Magnificent decided that his name didn’t speak nearly enough of his greatness and majesty. He now prefers to be known as… (allows suspense to build.) …the Fantastical Fernando.

MARTIN:

You’ve got to be kidding.

MARCY:

If you say it with the right inflection, it could sound kind of sexy…

ROBERTA:

I’ll bet you my left boob that this new name-inducing ego trip lasts for a week before he changes his mind. What do you think, Clark? (Turns to Clark, who is by this time lying on the floor throwing a temper tantrum.) What’s up with Clark?

MARCY:

I don’t know. We’ve tried as hard as we could to figure it out, but we haven’t been able to get anything from him. It’s like he’s mute or something…

MARTIN:

Here comes Ferdo now.

FERNANDO:

(Makes a dramatic entrance.) Salutations and wishes for a fabulous evening, fellow performers at this spectacular site of our employment. Lend me your ears… which is more aesthetically pleasing? This… (Throws his hands up dramatically, as if making a dramatic entrance.) WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! (Pause.) Or this… (Makes a dramatic bow. With a completely different inflection, says:) WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! (Pause.) Assert your conjectures, por favor.

ROBERTA:

Fernie, don’t be too heart-broken now, but I don’t think it matters much how you say: (mocks Fernando dramatically) WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

FERNANDO:

First of all, it is “Fernando”. The “Fantastical Fernando”, if you please. And I feel quite the contrary, my dear Roberta. We are artists, and we cannot make light of our craft. Wouldn’t you agree, Clark? You, of all people, should understand this concept. Your role, in comparison to that of the rest of the company, is one that is naturally less demanding. Less “personality” is necesary. But do you allow yourself to become slack? By heavens, no! You continue perfecting every miniscule aspect of your simplistic performance, polishing it until it shines through constant practice – (notices Clark’s angry motions) - as you are doing now.

MARCY:

We think something’s made Clark upset. We’ve been trying to figure it out. Any suggestions, Ferdo?

FERNANDO:

Fernando. Unsatisfactory career?

MARTIN:

Did you get in a fight?

ROBERTA:

I’ll bet you my spare left boob that he’s just hungry.

MARCY:

Maybe there’s a certain gorgeous female…

GERALDINE:

(Enters, slumped posture.) H…h…h… hey, guh… guh… guys.

MARCY:

Heavens, what happened to you?

GERALDINE:

N…n…never p…per…perform the ter… trick where you puh… put your luh… leg in the lion’s muh…muh…mouth bee… before you’ve had the chuh… chance to eat the buh… buh… buh… beef st… st… stick in your puh… puh… pocket. Luh… lions rrr…rrr…really like buh… beef st…st…st… sticks.

MARCY:

Sounds like it’s been a rough day.

GERALDINE:

I’ve suh… suh… seen worse I guh…guh… guess. Ruh… ruh… remember the time when…

MARTIN:

(Anxious to get Marcy on another topic.) So Geraldine, we’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with Clark. He hasn’t said anything. Any guesses?

GERALDINE:

Cuh… cuh… Clark alwuh…wuh…ways t…talks with his h…hands and fuh…fuh…facial expreh…reh…sh…tions. If we wuh…wuh… watch him, we could fuh…fuh…figure it out.

ROBERTA:

Okay. Bring it on, Clarky! (Clark makes the mime motion of being trapped in a box, then kicks the box.)

MARCY:

Someone locked you in a box? Oh, you poor thing…

FERNANDO:

Your intelligence astounds me, dear. Please, Clark, continue. (Clark makes the mime motion of pulling a rope, then pretends to throw the rope to the ground.)

MARTIN:

Rope burn. That’s it! He was helping set up the tight wire act and got a bad rope burn. (Clark acts as if his hands are talking, and then makes an exploding motion.)

ROBERTA:

Clark, my man, you are brilliant. Listen to this, guys. Clark wants to start a new act… a puppet show, to be exact. At the end of the show, the puppets spontaneously combust and explode in heaps of fire! I’m behind you all the way with this one. It will be a hit. I know you’re upset because no one else will listen to you, but I’m here for you.

GERALDINE:

Wuh…wuh…wait a mih…mih…minute. If the puh…puppets are attah…ah….ch…ched to your h…hand and the puh…puppets cuh…catch fire…

ROBERTA:

So we have an ambulance on standby. Big deal.

FERNANDO:

I think this idea defies all common sense.

ROBERTA:

Listen, Rambo, do you have any better ideas?

MARCY:

I, for one, think that it would be kind of sexy… (every one begins to argue at once.)

CLARK:

THAT’S IT! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN HEAR WHAT’S COMING OUT OF YOUR OWN MOUTHS? YOU TALK AND TALK AND TALK AND TALK AND TALK, AND IT AMAZES ME HOW YOU NEVER SAY ANYTHING… NEVER EVER EVER NEVER! MAYBE THIS IS WHY I BECAME A MIME. I’VE TRIED AND I’VE TRIED AND I’VE TRIED TO PROVE THAT NO ONE NEEDS POINTLESS LANGUAGE, THAT COMMUNICATION IS DEEPER THAN BRAINLESS SENTENCES. BUT NO, IT’S ALWAYS, “OH, LOOK, HOW CUTE,” “WOW, WHAT A CREEP,” “GET OUTTA MY FACE, YOU FRICKIN’ MUTE,” OR, MY PERSON FAVORITE (Lets out an ear piercing scream.) “AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME, AND NO ONE TRIES TO, AND NO CARES. OH, LOOK AT THE CUTE MIME, I CAN IGNORE HIM AND GO ON ABOUT MY OWN HAPPY BUSINESS, AND ALL BECAUSE I DON’T “COMMUNICATE”. WELL, I’M “COMMUNICATING” NOW, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ALL DRIVE ME COMPLETELY CRAZY! (Points out each person.) THAT’S RIGHT, YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU! MARCY, YOU’RE A DITZ AND YOU’RE NOT THAT PRETTY, SO QUIT HITTING ON ME OR I WILL HURT YOU. ROBERT SLASH ROBERTA, MEN WHO PLAY WOMEN WITH BEARDS NEED LIVES. GERALDINE, SOMETIMES I WISH A LION WOULD EAT YOUR VOCAL CHORDS. MARTIN, YOU SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. AND AS FOR YOU, MISTER FANATICAL DURANGO, YOU’RE TOO BUSY DROWNING IN YOUR OWN EGO TO REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE EGOTISTICAL ABOUT, INCLUDING YOUR OH-SO-ARTISTIC CAREER! WAKE UP, SMELL THE LLAMA MANURE, AND REALIZE YOU WORK IN A FRIGGIN CIRCUS! THAT’S IT! I QUIT! (Storms out.)

MARCY:

Oh. So that was it. (Pause.) Hey, Martin, try that card trick on Roberta. Let’s see if he gets Lara Croft.

EL FIN

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 04:57:45 GMT

So my conversation at the REAL house on Friday went something like this...

DANIELLE: (walking through door) Hello? Is anybody home?

TED: Hey.

DANIELLE: (relieved) Oh good. Listen, I dropped a DVD in the lake. Do you guys have a broom or something I could use?

I will have you know that the DVD was rescued and works just fine.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 01:09:12 GMT

I am a Lambda Chi Omega/Sigma Alpha Iota/member of the cast of Little Shop of Horrors! Woo hoo!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 03:24:53 GMT

There have been few times in my life when I have been so mad, and I feel stupid for being mad over something so miniscule. I hate drama. Hate it. Could someone please make it go away?

Sorry. I felt the need for an emo schpeil. I'm done.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 13:05:55 GMT

The next two hours of my life are to be spent waiting for the results of bid day. That's right, fellow members of the human race, I am going Greek. In the meantime, I'll give a summary of two of the busiest weeks of my life, which I meant to write last week when it had only been one of the busiest weeks of my life.

Monday, Jan. 12, 2008 - I got back to school. Chris, Lian, Sean, somebody else and I ran to Taco Bell at 11 at night, and so my return to Muskingum was officiated.

The rest of the week was spent doing crazy stuff with Chris, John, Lian, Bean, and Rodney.

Friday, Jan. 18, 2008 - John went and took me to go see Sweeney Todd, and I watched in amazement as Johnny Depp opened his mouth and song came out. It was a miracle! After the movie, John and I walked out of the mall through a door in the direct oppostie position of where his Van of Doom was and got ourselves locked out of the mall, so we walked around about two thirds of the mall because we automatically chose the least reasonable direction in which to travel. Then he walked me back to my door, asked me out, and I said yes! John is my boyfriend!

Saturday, Jan. 19, 2008 - The insanity known as Rush begins. I visit 6 sororities and feel slightly overwhelmed. I then proceed to Mike's at about midnight where I spend the next two hours listening to a bunch of guys talk about "Zombie Leaves: The Rakening!"

Rush parties continue every other day... until today... dun dun dun...

And so that brings me to my present state. It feels like Christmas... but with people!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:00:26 GMT

Quiz Time!

The name of the theme for the movie Cloverfield is:

A. The Cloverfield Theme

B. Roar!

C. When We're All That's Left

D. This Movie Makes Me Want To Crap My Pants

Monday, December 31, 2007

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 21:34:22 GMT

Behold "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds. *reader scrolls to bottom of page*

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:49:56 GMT

YES! I am done with exams, I am home, and as far as I know, I never have to take another math course as long as I live. It was one heck of a way to close out my carrier with math (my teacher told us that he started teaching in 1951... do the math... no pun intended...), but as far as I know, I made it.

So, have you guys ever heard of the website www.elfyourself.com? It was one of the best things I have ever seen! I advise everyone to try it as soon as possible!

I start work in Monday. Woo. Our Christmas tree fell over today after we finished decorating it. Woo. I'll start having money and my family gets all the fun of decorating the tree AGAIN. YAY!

This red background is extremely obnoxious.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 01:32:49 GMT

So, being in the current state I am (tired without reason and possibly high on caffeine [Jitterbug Coffee gives each student $2 off each purchase {which has the opportunity to mean free coffee}]), I accidentally typed in www.xanmga.com, and lo and behold, their is a xanmga.com. The wonders never cease. Ever.

So, I've only officially taken one exam and already I am ready to call it quits. It wasn't even a hard one. I just had the hardest time tonight studying for a stupid Introduction to Education exam tomorrow. And it's an essay! The easiest kind of exam to BS! What the crap is wrong with me? After that, I'm free until Friday, when I take the two hardest exams. Oh crap. But oh well. At least I have all week to prepare for them.

Oh! I got to go to Columbus sometime in the vacinty of the time of my last entry and now to go see an Irish band called the prodigals. Mucho fun. Yay nice-looking, beautiful-sounding, accordian-playing Irishmen.

Well, that's my update. Ta ta.