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| Today nothing can wheigh me down.
I've finally worked up the nerve to open up
and even though it's just the slightest bit,
it feels so good to take that initial step towards something. Because after all,
something new always has the potential to be something great.
As leaves turn auburn and start swan diving,
the wind picks up, smells crisper, more deliberate.
And i smile, wondering if it's finally,
if it's possibly,
my time for a chance at greatness. | | |
| My grandpa died this morning. I feel like he's sitting here in this room with me, positioned in the mushroom chair, casually glancing over at me as i type this.
Towards the end of his life, he really encouraged me to do something with art.
I wish i had more to say on the subject.
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| You reside in my residence without residing there at all...You reside in my residence, without residing there at all
and you can't deny, in a reply, and say i'm enlarging what is small
By you relocating, i'm evacuating, and in the shifts are turns we're taking
to avoid disputes that still hold roots but are too old to recall
this is making me sound seussical, comical, and untruthical,
but this nuisance, is my existence and i've been driven up a wall.
so someone please go overhead when who i've said returns to bed
so again i'll be able, to hit up the table, and kick it with you all.
but until this dream, i'll still sit and scheme,
and plot and plan and intervene
and hope one day you'll see between the bullshit big and small.
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| Upon listening to Blink-182 for the first time in years...I've made some realizations. The first one is that I never finished that last entry. The second is that you could spend all of your days trying to convince people that the hurt that they are feeling, for whatever reason, shouldn't be there. It won't work.
You can't convince a young person to look at things from a broader perspective- the only words of comfort people ever seem to give is that "time heals all wounds". Instead of going about things this way, people should be explaining things accurately:
Comparatively speaking, the hurt that you feel when you're younger will not amount to anything close to the hurt you feel when you experience true loss in your life. I'm not even sure what true loss is right now, I just know that I've now experienced it and it does not compare to the minuscule stab wounds that have been caused by unrequited crushes and a weeks worth of lost car privileges.
Am I speaking on the loss of innocence? The loss of morals once held high? These are both things that we truly lose sight of and are incapable of holding onto forever.
I'm not sure how much longer I'll be with xanga. Xanga marks this time period in my life when words only came to me in the form of explaining my daily routines and the struggles I had with surrounding jackasses.
Good news- I've eliminated the jackass factor. I'm not sure if it's permanently, but I'm not rushing into another failed relationship right now.
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| ...Rest is necessary. Nothing is more evident to me right now. As I sat in the station wagon my sister's boyfriend owns, I cracked the window just enough to let the smoke inch it's way out. The bowl Sten packed earlier lasted much longer than she would have imagined, and it took an additional 20 minutes of smoking by myself after she left to blacken the majority of the green before cashing it out into the street. As the smoke slithered through the 2 inch crack, thick, juicy droplets of rain made their way onto my arm. I stared, stoned and content, and listened to the pelting on the windshield. At that moment, something inside me re-ignited itself. I was born to write. I've always been able to feel it inside of me. Only recently did I understand and believe the accuracy in the fact that I'm lucky to know what I want to do with my life. If I could make a scenario from my life come to life in the eyes of a passerby, | | |
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