Ever since I was a little kid, I thought it would be the super cool to be a ninja.  It was never an obsession – I don’t collect ninja weapons, ninja clothing, or even ninja movies – but I always thought it’d be pretty cool.  Their speed, their ability to conquer difficult challenges, their wisdom, and their stealth was always extremely appealing to me.  The first ninja I had ever seen was “Snake Eyes” from GI Joe, and I was drawn to how he always went about his work in a quiet, unassuming way while simultaneously wreaking utter havoc on Cobra Commander and his minions.

Now I realize why I like ninjas so much.

My parents are ninjas.

Ninjas are masters of stealth and secrecy, and it is said that the best ninjas are able to hide in plain sight.  Since it took me 30 years to figure out that my parents are ninjas, I suspect that they are ninjas of the highest order.  Allow me to explain.

I decided to purchase my first laptop when I moved to Seattle in 2003.  Thinkpads were renowned for their solid construction and reliability, but having just moved 2000 miles from home, a Thinkpad simply wasn’t in my budget.  So, I purchased a Dell 600m complete with the first Intel Centrino chip in September of ’03 and satisfied my basic computing needs.  The only time laptop envy would arise would be when I visited my brother or my father and used their Thinkpads…the superior construction was perceptible through the solid feel of the Thinkpad keyboards versus my flimsier, lighter 600m.

My 600m finally decided to go to laptop heaven in March of 2008.  I thought about getting another laptop since I had access to discounts for Thinkpads, but my wife and I are trying to save for a house and we have an adequate desktop at home, so I decided to forgo the purchase and make do with what we had.

While this was occurring, my father was getting a new Thinkpad of his own through work, though he would have to return it once he retired in a few years.  I told him that I could potentially get him better pricing than his work, but his employers decided to get a lower-tiered Thinkpad through their connections instead.  Bah asked me why I hadn’t gotten a new laptop yet, so I explained to him that at that point a laptop was a “want” and not a “need” and we were trying to save money for more important things.

My manager at work, however, was in the market for a new laptop, so I helped him to get a Thinkpad at discount and had it delivered to the office.  I had heard that build quality had declined since IBM sold their laptop division to Lenovo, but I was quite impressed with the computer that arrived at the office.  He had never owned a laptop before, so I helped him get his laptop and wireless network set up at home.

After a few short weeks had passed, Bah started asking me about what kind of Thinkpad he should get.  I was a bit confused as to why he was asking since he had just gotten one from work, but I assumed he was asking because he wanted to order a better laptop for himself that he could keep once he retired.  I told him I could look more into it when he was closer to retirement since the current technology would be outdated by the time he was ready to buy.

To my surprise, I got an e-mail a few days later from him with information on a laptop he had built off of the Lenovo website, asking me if the specs and components he had selected were good.  I told him that I didn’t realize that he was ready to buy something that quickly and told him to ask my brother about it since he’s more tech savvy than I.  I told him that I could send the info to some friends of mine if he wanted to get a more qualified opinion and he told me to do so.  My friends were slow in replying to my e-mail, and my dad asked me almost daily if I had heard from them.  After several days, I told him again that I didn’t realize that he was that ready to buy something since he had just gotten a new laptop from work.  He eventually got all the feedback he needed from my friends and brother and I didn’t hear anything more of it.

One night I was chatting online with my dad and the conversation touched briefly on politics.  My dad has never been heavily into politics and neither have I, but we bantered back and forth about the importance of the primaries in Pennsylvania for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.  We chatted until about 11:30, when my dad said he was headed off to bed.  He told me I should pay attention tomorrow to what happened and that it would be a “big day”.  After we signed off, I thought to myself, “Wow…I guess this competition between Obama & Clinton really is drawing people in – even Bah is into it!”

The next morning, our administrative assistant brought a box from Lenovo back to my office.  I was on the phone with a client and was rather confused as to why it had come.  The thought ran through my head that Lenovo had made some sort of mistake and sent another laptop for my manager and I mentioned this to the admin, but he replied, “No…it’s addressed to you.”  I looked at the shipping label and confirmed it was addressed to me…and then the truth hit me like a ton of bricks.

“BAH!!!!!!!!”

I had been had.  The entire time my dad had been asking me about laptop configuration and having me e-mail my friends, he had not been asking for himself - he was having me build my dream laptop.  It was then that I realized that I had been raised by ninjas.  Not only had I been duped by my parents, but they had used me to dupe myself!!!  If that isn’t evidence of high-level ninjanicity, I don’t know what is.

When I talked to Bah later that day, he professed with childlike glee that he had been following the UPS tracking information to know when the gift would be delivered.

My fascination with ninjas now makes perfect sense.  Being the progeny of ninjas made me biologically predisposed to be fascinated with them.  It has now become patently clear, however, that my parents are ninjas of the highest order, capable of unleashing unpredictable, overwhelming sneak attacks of affection for which one has no possible defense.  So, if you happen to see Bah & Mom roaming around your neighborhood, be forewarned…you could find yourself overwhelmed as well. 

Thanks Bah & Mom…words cannot hope to express how grateful I am that God has blessed me with parents…er, ninjas, like you…but I figured I’d give it my best shot. ;)