i never felt too happy while i was with him. I was constantly feeling that i didnt have a boyfriend. i feel like there's nothing in his life other than money. he doesnt know how to love or care about other people. all he tries to do is to make his dad love him more so he would get more money. the truth is his dad would never love him that way.

we broke up yesterday and i didnt feel too sad until today. i dont even know why i feel so sad. is it really becoz of the break up? not really. n i dont actually miss him too much. i dont even know if i ever liked him that much.  we just broke up yesterday but it feels like we have broken up for a few weeks already. i remember when i broke up with some guys before i used to wish those guys would call me n tell me that they wanan get back with me, but with him, i dont even have that thought.

i dont even know what kinda guy i m looking for. i feel like i havent truely like anyone for awhile. i thought i really liked him, but maybe i was just trying to make myself n other people  to believe that i liked him alot......

it's the same problem over and over again. i cant communicate wtih this guy. Katie n i talked about her wedding, about our dad and ended up we got really upset at 5am (4pm in chicago) n couldnt fall asleep. i needed to talk to someone and wanted some comfort n decided to call my bf. I dont ever expect him to understand my family situation becoz outsiders will never see or feel what i feel. he just needs to understand the part where my family, more like my dad makes me really unhappy all the time. n at least know that i was really sad when i was on the phone iwth him.

  after i told him what was bothering me, he ignored what i said n moved on to some reallly random stuff n told me stories about his stupid cousin that i hate so much. n few more minutes later, Dennie called him n he asked me if he could call me back in few minutes!!!!!!!!

it's useless to tell him anything. he's not a good listener n has no emotions n doesnt understand me at all.

i dont know what to do. i m feeling really lonely beign with him. everyone else knows me alot better than my own bf. we cannot communicate at all.

i have been thinking and thinking if i still wanan be with him.