yipchick's Xanga

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 20:52:52 GMT

Blogspot Updates!

I said I'd link them here, so here they are (some of you may have already read them).

Old:
Staging - Day 1 08/18/2008
Training 08/27/2008
Waiting 08/27/2008
Internet Time 09/12/2008

New:
Finally 09/28/2008 -- just a warning, this one's long.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:17:09 GMT

I had a really gross dream, about a week ago, in which I had to eat dried worms. I had a mouthful of them ... it was awful. I'd forgotten about it for a while, but then in the past few days I've been randomly having flashes of the way they felt against my teeth – sticky and hard. Not full force, thankfully, but the sensation is still there. The taste, ghosty though it is, still haunts my tongue, too. >.<

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 17:50:07 GMT

Uh ... is it just me, or is Alexander "Sasha" Artemev reeeeally attractive? 'Specially after his pommel horse routine, but even just in general. And Raj Bhavsar gets cute points for skateboarding with a bird sitting on his shoulder.

It's nice that I get to watch some of the Olympics before I leave.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 18:20:58 GMT

I've been contemplating moving to (or supplementing with) Blogspot for a while, originally because most of the people I subbed to had stopped posting regularly. The deed has been done now. Although some of you have recommenced blogging (yay!), I have other reasons for moving:

1) Instead of trying to create a giant listserv of family and friends for mass e-mailing, I think it'd be nice if I e-mailed everyone just once with a link to my Peace Corps-Related Things Blog. And then I'd e-mail smaller groups of people with more pertinent news and inquiries.
2) A few people I know have Blogspots that I'd like to keep up with via some kind of feed or subscription, and creating my own account gives me just that.
3) I've had this blog for approximately 4 years. I've changed a lot, and that's been reflected in the way I write. I've hidden most of my older posts because they're ... well ... awkward. Some things are best left hidden from people who might find my blog(s) while searching for information about Belize or the Peace Corps.
4) Xanga will remain in use, especially so that I can still keep tabs on you guys by reading my subs. And I'll probably link my Blogspot entries to it, like so.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 16:52:14 GMT

I smell Korean food. MOUTH = WATERING. Holy crap I'm going to miss it when I'm in Belize.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 20:47:13 GMT

I'm LOLing really, really hard right now over the portfolio piece I turned in for Fiction Writing.

For those of you who aren't sure what I'm talking about, it's the one that was going to be about a dragon. It quickly evolved over a few drafts.

As currently written, the ending is sooo bad! I just now thought up with a much less ridiculous way to finish it. How did I not think of it earlier?! SERIOUSLY! It should have been obvious! Ugh ...

I amaze myself sometimes.

But of course, that's what workshops are for. When you're writing, you can get too attached to an old idea to make sense of the revisions you're trying to make. And when you can't workshop, you have to put it down until you can think properly.

I think I've got my head on straight now.

So instead of packing, which I was going to try to get mostly done today, I think I'm gonna write the new ending: MAGGOTS! ... mmm.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:13:44 GMT

I never feel like I'm at the proper level of emotion that I should be, concerning major events.

Like saying goodbye. (Unless someone is crying. Other people crying always gets me.) Or leaving a place. The actual physical process of going away does nothing for me.

Although ... well, arrival does. Putting things down, unpacking, settling in, that sort of thing. That makes me bubble, like the kind of bubbles you get when you pour soda/pop, or when you pull beer from a tap. Fast little fizzies, rising and popping in a giant cloud. And then the fizzing – the feeling of being in a new place, of having been released – vanishes. And then everything's settled, except for the occasional tingle, the little sharp differences that make you go, Ooh! I wasn't expecting that!, and you remember that you aren't in Kansas anymore.

I was excited when I got my welcome packet for Peace Corps. That had me in a tizzy all night and the next day. It was akin to what I felt when I got my dorm assignment four years ago. Or getting into the London Program and, later, learning my flat assignment. My stomach about dropped out of my abdominal region. I guess mail does it, too, especially when I've been waiting and waiting to hear about something.

What's getting me now is not Belize – although some sleepy part of my brain is thinking, Wulp, I get to work on my tan for the next 2 years – but the staging event. I have three days of orientation in the U.S. with about 40 other Peace Corps Volunteers. In a hotel. I'm petrified. I've never been in a hotel all by myself before. Especially not a huge one in a giant city. This is a Crowne Plaza hotel. In Miami, Florida. I've only ever roomed alone once, and that was one semester in a dorm that I was quite familiar with and in which I had friends right down the hall. I might have a roommate in the hotel ... they didn't tell me, and I haven't confirmed the reservation yet. But still, I won't know anyone. Even in London, I knew a lot of the people who were going to be there in the flats with me, and one of my flatmates was one of my best friends already.

They had me write up something about how I plan to deal with adjustments. I read a handbook they sent me called A Few ^Minor Adjustments. It talked about the stages of adjustment I'll be facing and what to expect and how, generally, to go about dealing with those stresses. I think I kind of regurgitated what they said and added a few blurbles from "past experience."

And what a friend I have in Past Experience!

But that doesn't change the fact that I'm not really one for anticipating mingling with large groups of unknown people. And I'll be required to do that, for my own good, extensively for the next ... I don't know ... long time ... several months ... thing. It's not so bad when I'm actually doing it. It's convincing myself beforehand that it'll be okay. I know it will. It's just that ... I don't feel like it will. Right now.

And then there's the panic of How It'll Go When It Comes To Doing What I've Been Sent To Do. They warned me about that. Everyone gets it. I look at my résumé and think, That actually looks kind of impressive. But then I think about what the words on the page refer to – the "work" I've done in real life – and wonder how the heck I'm going to get anything important accomplished there, relying on my own drive and resourcefulness. I've also been warned that I probably won't see the proverbial fruits of my labor. Especially since I'm part of a brand new project area. I'm just a seed-planter. Someone else will do the watering and stuff. Someone else will get to watch it grow. And that might not even be for the next generation.

On the up-side, they said that I'll get to see more change more immediately since I'll be in a small village. I'm not completely pessimistic.

Just anxious.

We all are. Finding apartments, getting cars, learning stick, getting class schedules figured out, looking or training for jobs, moving out, ... and shipping in.

It feels like all my life I've been preparing for the next step. They made us write in cursive in middle school because that's what we'd "have to do" in high school. (We didn't.) Preparation will only get you so far. These next months I'll be spending in training still won't get me ready for every instance of shock that Belizean culture will put me through. But this is what I signed up for.

People keep saying to me, "Oh, you graduated? What's your degree in?" It's still strikes me that I'm no longer a professional student. It shocks me that they don't ask, "What's your major?" anymore. Even though they still follow up with, "Are you going to be a teacher?" Except ... now the answer is, "Kind of." I'm so used to saying, "No, I want to be a writer." But that's not quite accurate now. I don't "want to be" a writer. I am a writer. I'm just not published. Yet. Baby steps, right? I'm going to Belize to do Peace Corps for a little while, and then I'll come back, hopefully changed for the better. And in the meantime, I intend to keep writing.

I've often said that I'd like to move out of the country, at least for a while. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to emigrate permanently. ("Your mom's an immigrant!" – "Yes ... yes, she is.") But despite all my hesitation and fear, I'm going through with it.

I started packing the other day. Well, it was mostly just unpacking and putting the stuff I won't need for the next couple of years in the closet. I'm not quite ready to pack my summer clothes up.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:18:10 GMT

*sadface* It's not like we don't have the movie at home, but I wish I could see it on big screen, on the Quad.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:19:31 GMT

and someone will drive her around
down the same streets that i did

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:29:59 GMT

1: Who was your last call from and what was it about?
Mom telling me to meet her by the fruit section at Meijer. I had to get up an hour early this morning to get passport photos for my "no-fee government passport" ... because I can't travel for official government work on a personal passport.

2: Is there a member of the opposite gender on your mind?
Alack, but there is!

3: What do you wish you were good at?
I wish I could do ballet, and I wish I was better at music and art.

4: Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Not in so many words, no.

5: What mood are you in?
Ambivalent.

6: Do you miss anyone?
Like crazy.

7: Are you growing apart from someone close?
I have, and I probably am / will be. :(

8: What would you do if your ex called you?
Converse civilly / friendlily.

9: Where was your default pic taken?
Since I don't have a photo on here, let's use Facebook: mainstage of Washington Hall, at the piano for Asian Allure.

10: Have you ever liked anyone on your top friends?
Hahaha ... I'm guessing this is a MySpace thing. I don't even know who my top friends are on it.

11: Do you have a facebook?
^ This person obviously doesn't. One doesn't "have a facebook" – one "is on facebook." And yes, I am on facebook.

12: Do you smoke weed?
Nope. Never have.

13: What are your nicknames?
Hmm. WELL ...

14: What will you be doing at 10pm?
Probably just getting home from work.

15: When is the last time you cried?
I almost cried two days ago because I was feeling miserable (for lots of reasons).

16: What is your favorite sport?
Hockey (to watch) / ND football (for the surrounding events).

17: What's your favorite number?
three

18: What's your favorite band?
According to Last.fm, my top 10 are:
01. Our Lady Peace
02. Hanson (and no, I don't apologize for or deny this!)
03. Weezer
04. Celine Dion
05. Josh Groban
06. Nada Surf
07. The Shins
08. The Arcade Fire
09. Better Than Ezra
10. Kelly Clarkson

19: Are you dating the person you text the most?
I'm not allowed to text anymore, but about a month ago my answer would have been yes,

20: Do you pay attention in school / during class?
As much as I could!

21 : Are you single?
I'm certainly not married ... and technically not dating anyone, I think.

22: Do you like country music?
Some of it, sometimes.

23: Who is the last person you held hands with?
Stef.

24:Do you like tattoos and piercings?
Depends on the type / amount / person it's on.

25: Do you like someone?
*sigh* Yes, if you must know.

26: How much are you on the phone daily?
For work, yes. For other purposes, hardly.

27: Are you in a good mood?
Right now I'm in a decently good mood.

29: Have you ever been in love?
You know, I thought I was twice when I was younger, and then later I doubted it. But looking back more recently, I think that I was both times, to the extent that I was capable.

31: Do you love your life?
It has its moments.

32: Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Kohl's, probably.

34: What are you really into?
Adding events to my phone's Calendar thing as memos to myself.

35: What kind of phone do you have?
Verizon, the kind everyone has if they're cheap.

36: Who is your last text from?
ND Alert System – ha!

38: Do your parents like your number one?
What does that even mean?

39: Who do you trust with EVERYTHING?
I ... I don't. I don't trust one single person with everything. Not even myself.

40: Are you living a lie?
Umm wut.

41: Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
I don't wish that I were any specific person so much as I wish I had certain of their abilities / characteristics / stuffs. I guess what I mean is, when I wish I were "someone else," what I really mean is that I wish that I were a better version of me.

42: Who was the last person that left you a comment?
Zac.

43: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
If I did, it was family.

45: Who made you laugh last?
Andy / Stef.

46: What will you be doing in 3 hours?
Ugh. Working.

47: What were you doing at 1 AM?
Soundly or silently sleeping.

48: What is your background on your phone?
Parangi attacking / rubbing his head on his mirror bell.

49: Would you date anyone on your MySpace friends list?
Doubtful, and also unlikely for Xanga.

50: What color are your eyes?
Dark brown.

51: What would you do if you won the lottery?
Pay off my student loans and credit card debts, first of all.

52: Will you be in a relationship in 50 days?
Probably not?

53: Who were you with last night?
Family.

54: What's outside your window?
Beautiful, beautiful rain. The street, mailbox cluster, and the neighbors' condo(s).

55: What are you doing this weekend?
Work tonight and Saturday, Peace Corps paperwork, church on Sunday, ... the usual.