my bestfriend. my blog. though it doesnt speak much, i do reckon it understands me.
so, now. ive just finished painfully plucking one by one the thick layer of thorns on my body, insanely pricking my conscience and perpetuating me to kill myself,
the series of raging events, which i had been swallowing whole,for the fear of sampling,rather tasting the bitterness of my so-called present life.
nothing has been doing well for me.
nothing.
even my trip wasnt that amazing,
ill have to take that back.
what now?
what's the commotion?
i feel crappy.
everything sucks as of this moment.
everyone around me makes me feel fucked up.
even my Dad, who usually doesnt talk much about anything about me, blew his steam like my mother did couple of hours ago. what i hate about our conversations is that im always wrong, i cant be right, whether i really am, or just pretending to be. he cant understand me, he has this humongous wall put up between me and him whenever we have arguments. its like i have everything on my face. he reads it and relates it to himself ,
ALL WRONG.
how he tells me that im intelligent enough but he knows all my schemes. that i always go out with my peers, AS IF im doing drugs or sumthing.
*i dont know how come he had just noticed this when i RARELY go out .and unlike before, back then there wasnt a weekend or even a weekday that i wouldnt hang out with ana and the gang,and he never gave a DAMN about that.*
everything about me by now is so wrong. - even staying in my spare room,*where my PC is,where i find soltidude.*right outside the house,where the cars are parked,under the lodge.[ which is still in the tiny compound/building that we live in] IS CONSIDERED GOING OUT. just because he doesnt see me,then its all counted that im not home.
he told me to shut the stuff here, and sit by the house and bum myself out to madness.
i cant just shut my life out. like attempt to do suicide again, well i cant. i just cant.God is still there, he's making me even more stronger. i know that. i know. i know.
i just couldnt understand how people who have done worse stuff than me turned out to have happy lives by now, how come they get everything just enough? how come i dont? just when i decided to be good,and try not to do the drinking and all the stupid vices my peers have been doing,
EVERYTHING IS JUST SO WRONG.
WHY WHY WHY.
and here i am, WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY.
after a tiny shot glass of tears,i know this will pass, im alrite, ill soon be.
xxx | 
