I apologize for the past month of no xanga. As much as I swore to myself I would be the last to fall away, I am guilty. But I can proudly say that life has gotten in the way of my xanga-ing and I've been too busy (not too lazy) to update.

"I thought I fell from grace, but You can erase."

     Where has the last quarter of the year gone.. one more and I'm officially a SENIOR!!! As fast as these past nine-weeks have gone, they've been some of the most stressful for me. From boyfriends to grades I just couldn't seem to keep up. I've made tons of mistakes that finally caught up with me in the end. And as embarrassed and hurt as I am about these mess-ups, intervention came to me. (Thank God!) Even though it cost me my Spring Break, I feel like I can breathe again. No need for cover-ups or dishonesty to keep my rear-end from the inevitable. I don't think anyone ever knows that kind of relief until they experience it.

"Pride is a luxury that a woman in love cannot afford."

     Although I wasn't exactly thrilled to suffer the consequences of my actions, I'm thankful now. I get to experience a fresh start and I'm perfectly okay with that. I hate when I get in WAY over my head. My grades suffer and the relationships I have with my parents, friends, significant others, and God suffer as well. I'm so thankful for the family and friends I've been blessed with, who despite my prideful and dishonest heart, choose to love me anyways and in turn, help me.. even when I don't want it. It is the ultimate reflection of God's love for me. Beautiful.

"I've learned the pride comes before the fall..."

     In order for all of this love and forgiveness to take affect, I must change my ways. (Personal Decisions...hmmm) It's always easier said than done. But I am making a commitment to God (and whoever else happens to come across my xanga...)

                   I'm tired of running into the same brick wall every day. Literally. Some days I barely tap it and gain just enough confidence that I don't realize when I'm going head first into the concrete. The sad thing is, I do it to myself. I choose to receive every single bruise I have. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) What's even more, I KNOW the wall is there. I built it. But to climb over it, I would need help. I DON'T ask for help. So the commitment I'm making is to let myself be open to help when I need it. It may be a bust to my pride in the beginning, but I'll get used to it. So, for a start, you're prayers would be very helpful. Thanks!

Love always, Taylor

Thought for the Day-

I can't believe that I'm here in this place again. How did I manage to mess up one more time? This pattern seems to be the story of my life. Should've learned this lesson by the 1000th time. Cause I promised myself I wouldn't fall. But here I've fallen. I guess I'm not as strong as I thought. All I can do is cry to You. Oh God, You have to save me. You're my last and only hope. All my right answers fail me. I can't seem to make it on my own.   

DORA THE EXPLORER FIESTA!!!! Last night was probably the most fun I've had in.. a LONG time!!! It was a good day at school, rehearsal went very well, and the fiesta was amazing!!! Here's some pictures.. I want my OWN digital camera... Wonderful memories were made... I love my friends!!!

"I'm going CRAZY!!!... I put beef in the Queso!!!!!"

"I found you're contact..... Why'd you throw it away?!"

"Que...so...head"

"Why do you keep talking in a southern accent??"

"LEXI!!!!" ... "bark"...

"We're better together..."

Love always, Taylor

BEDLAM BABY!!!!! Just you wait, My Friend, just you wait!!! hahaha!

Can you believe this weather?! I haven't written in a few days.. so how about an update?

     I guess its a little over a week.. I sang the National Anthem at the Valentine's Assembly. I was scared out of my mind, but never-the-less I faced my fear. Been doing a lot of that lately.. haha! That was pretty much the high-light of the past week until this weekend!

     Thursday- School was great and went by quickly. Hung around home until about 9 and then headed to Starbucks to meet Brit and Jo. They met me and we ended up staying til 11 talking to some new friends we made.. (interesting..) Then we went back to Ashley's for a girls night. How I love spending time with these wonderful people. They do nothing but brighten my day/night! We watched Pearl Harbor.. wow.. they did such a wonderful job casting that movie!! haha!

     Friday- Spent the morning chasing Ashley's dog around the neighborhood with Jo and Sara for about 45 minutes in the freezing cold.. that was fun. Spent some time driving around and then cheered at the wrestling regionals. I was there 3 hours and my windows had about a 1/2 inch of ice on them when I got outside.. I had to have a strange man scrape my windows haha!

     Saturday (yesterday)- Woke up and watched "Rocky" and "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" with my mom. Then I took a shower and was lazy for most of the day. Then went and shopped for light fixtures for our new house with my mom and dad! (UPDATE: we should be in our house in about a month!!!) After shopping, I went over to Brits  with Kaleb, Kacie, Moose, Brit, Zach, and JC and we made smores and watched 'Elizabethtown'! I lost interst in the movie but the ending was really good! haha! All in all it was a good day!

     Today- I woke up and watched a Bette Davis movie with my mom and grandma.. had a peanut-butter and banana sandwich and now I'm fixin to eat lunch. (Today's been extremely exciting if you cant tell..) Hopefully tonite will bring some fun with it!

By now you should know I can't make an entry without digging just a little deeper than describing what I had for breakfast.. So here we go.. I pride myself on being a pretty level headed and mature human being. But sometimes.. I do the dumbest things. It's usually situations that call for level-headedness that I find myself reverting back to the 'middle-school mentality'.. lovely I know.. Even though I know shouldn't, I feel slightly victorious.. like I just gained the 'one-up' when really I just acted immaturely.. gaah im so disappointing sometimes.. but I learn lessons! yay..

Love always, Taylor

     "God, I know that You said You would always be enough. Right now it doesn't feel like You are. I find myself searching everywhere to find enough. I am frantic inside. Doubts plague me. Strength eludes me. Where is Your power in my weakness? Where is Your healing? I am embarrassed at my lack of faith. I don't know what else to do except believe anyway. God, help my unbelief. I put my weight down fully. Hold me. Change me. Show me Your glory." -Do You Think I'm Beautiful?

      Up until reading that prayer, I thought I was the only one. It's amazing how God can use the words of another to speak to the cry of my heart. Thank you.

     Love always, Taylor