 yngrelder13
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Name: Chris
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Upper Darby
Birthday: 8/18/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: Music, history, guitar, tennis, golf, theater, and lots more.
Expertise: Hah!
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/2/2004
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| So I just finished recording "Angels We Have Heard On High" for the Christmas CD I'm making my parents. It's really weird hearing your voice triple-tracked with you playing guitar in the background. And by weird, I mean I don't like my voice. It's too much like... I don't even know. I'm trying to think of a genre that would fit my voice. However, I know that it's not rock, which is a shame, because I would love to be one of those guys who could just get up on stage and absolutely wail. Oh well | | |
| I voted. I feel accomplished because no matter who wins, I did my part and served my country in the way that I can.
I miss singing. Actual choral singing. I was looking through some of my districts music from Senior year, and it was awesome. Blah
So much work to do. | | |
| I have a class at 9 tomorrow, a midterm at 10, and 2 more classes after that plus band, making it my busiest day of the week, and of course, I cannot go to sleep.
I worked out hard today, and after 15 minutes on the bike, I couldn't really breath. Apparently (according to a guy in ychromes) the pain in my ribs that developed on Sunday could be because it has moved out of place. Great.
I'm falling behind on schoolwork and my grades aren't doing that well. I just need a fucking break from life. I can't take this anymore.
I feel disconnected to so many people that used to be close to me. Thats the thing college does, though, and it won't get any easier down the road, so I guess I just have to shut up and move on, right? Yeah. I'm not one who adapts adeptly to these situations.
It feels like Christmas somehow lately. Maybe it's just the suddenly freezing temperatures outside contrasted with the 70's of last week. I don't know.
My life is all over the place. I either need some stability or one major change. And no, I have no idea what either could be, but it think it's safe to say that I don't think either is going to happen.
I realized after watching some videos on facebook that I was relatively skinny Senior year. I used to wear size 32 dress pants, and now a 34 is snug. What the hell have I been doing with my life. Oh wait, maybe its because I always have the uncontrollable urge to only eat cookies and milk and not go to the dining hall like normal people. My dietary habits are atrocious. It's amazing I'm still alive and not run down and falling apart. I think that I rationalize my not eating as a "depression" thing or as a "time constraint" thing. When it comes down to it, I just don't want to. I don't have the want to eat food, and I can't seem to control myself and make good decisions when I do.
I fucking miss high school. Everything was so much easier then. Everyone was around and doing the things we loved and we talked all the time and hung out, and I had a steady group of friends that I could talk about anything with. I was more involved in music that I liked and my grades were phenomenal. I don't have any of those things here at school. Anyone who has talked to me in the last year knows that. My GPA is a 2.65? I think it's around there. I had a 3.8 in high school. I don't have any motivation to do my work here. It's not that it's too hard for me. For Christ's sake all I have to do is read the material! I just don't do it! Instead, I play my guitar, or watch tv, or listen to music, or check my email 38789 times a day, or find something else pointless to do. I need help. God dammit. I need some fucking help with my life.
I know that I come off as a pretty stable individual, but from this extensive and unnecessary entry, you'd think I was a recovering addict that needed serious help. Thank God I'm going home this weekend. I haven't been home this year either. I miss home and everything about home so much. I think I'm just going to collapse and cry when I get home. Of course I say this and I'll probably act like an asshole to my parents, who are there for me for everything. Whenever I need it they're there, and I need to start treating them better. I'm 19 for Christ's sake. I need to grow up and start making better decisions with my life. In all aspects of it.
If you really read that entire thing, you had way too much time on your hands, or you actually care about me. And if you're the latter, I thank you so much. It really means a lot to know that there are people out there who are willing to listen/read your innermost thoughts. I haven't said this stuff in a while because I really don't have any people who I feel comfortable enough with to tell here.
Goodnight and good luck. | | |
| It's been a while, hasn't it? Yeah. Life has been really busy I guess. Lots of reading and tests the last 2 weeks. I've been going nuts, but I'm learning to handle it all and try to do the best I can.
I don't really know what to say. I feel like I never talk to anyone anymore. I haven't been home yet this year either, which is weird. I think I was home 3 of the 6 weekends up till this point last year, so I guess I'm kind of proud that I've enjoyed my time here and everything. The social scene is getting better, but it's still not great. I don't eat well/at all, but I've started working out with Y Chromes, so I'm probably getting skinnier, and I feel good about that. I know it's not good not eating, so I'm going to try to work on that.
Got work to do. Adios. | | |
| I was standing still and got hit by a 275 pound running man in the back. And I feel fine. I am invincible.  | | |
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