ITS REFLECTION TIME.
Has anyone sat back and watched as people change?
For better of for worse?
I think its strange how a persons entire persona can change rather quickly, often into something opposite of what they were.
Has anyone sat back and watched the level of respect people use to have for each other desintegrated almost entirley?
That you can't honestly believe that even your friends are still really your friends after you leave each others presence.
Hmm, maybe im just bitter and pessimistic, maybe it's just me.
I feel like i've changed. I've revamped my personality and my thoughts
to coincide with a girl who probably did the same. I've become
emotional, passionate and just plain weird, and as I reflect on my life
now and see how these experiences have shaped me, is it bad to say it
was a bad decision?
I made the decision to enter high school with a girlfriend. I chose to
make her my life. I bailed on my friends and the distance that is now
between us is something beyond an 'I'm sorry.' Im left here wondering
if it was really worth it to develop one strong relationship with one
person of the opposite sex or build multiple bonds of brotherhood with
your friends and worrying about love another time.
I feel like I made and error. That a part of me wishes I was still good
friends with Ethan, Katy, Chris, etc.. and my presence in their
gatherings wasn't akward. Does that make me a horrible person? I think
so, it makes me feel like an asshole and that those thoughts are unfair
to the other person, even though if you consider the situation now,
sympathy and consideration isn't required and definately not deserved,
but thats the kind of person I am.
I don't hold grudges and even though you might not like me, I would
always talk to you with respect and I wouldn't intentionally hurt your
feeling or make you feel outcasted. Unless you disregard other people's
feeling and show no respect at all. People who toy, manipulate and
intentionall act coldly to people who did nothing to deserve it are the
worst kind.
Does that make me look like a fool? Or does it make a good person?
I have a lot to fix, and a lot to make up for. I started by trying to
resolve a two year old situation because I use to think it was an
important bond that shouldn't be thrown away so carelessly, but it blew
up and realized it was wasted effort and people who do that aren't
worth your time.
I have to repair bridges and re-establish old connections with the
people who are still willing to. Its going to take time and patience,
but I think it would be worth it.
In this weblog entry I apologize to the people whom I ditched, the
people whom I was close with, and the people who have showed me
friendliness when I didnt earn it.
Thank You.
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