lol

"What if when you got up here I asked you to marry me?" he asks. "I'd laugh at you." i smiled as I said that. "I mean, a year is so long, I can't believe it's already been that long." he replied. That was mine and Matt's conversation. Well, part of it from the other night on the phone. Just 12 more days and I'll be with him once again:) Oh the excitment!!! I've waited for that day for over 8 months. And here it finally is.

ok ok..

Ok, so ignore that last entry. turns out that Matt was indeed over at Hitler's house. (Hitler is whom i call David) And david had been texting me the other night. told me how excited matt is that im coming up there soon. and matt kept telling me how excited he is to give me my gift for our one year annaversiary and my birthday. He said he wants to explain it to me but that it would give it away. So, last night my mom and dad told me that the next time im on the phone with matt to let my dad talk to his dad. BUT, im calling david today and asking him to call me next time matt's over at his house. (or coming over for that matter) and i plan on surprising matt:) if the plan works, ill be going up there on the 14th-16th. So0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 freakin excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is FINALLY happening, BUT, i need a good wake up plan for matt becuz ill be going over there really early in the morning and if he's sleeping, that'll be wasting our time together..

i may try to get david to sleep over at matt's house the night before, and ill call david and ask him to tell matt to wake up someone's at the door for him. And when he opens the door...BAM! There shalt Amanda (Me) stand in all my shining glory:)

Advise PLEASE???

ily you all<3

help?

So, i called matt tonight. supossedly he wasnt there. his lil sister (who is 6) told me that he wasnt home. i havent talked to him in only like a day so it's cool. but then he'd gotten online earlier and didnt reply to mymessage. hmm.. i figured he's staying over at david's house once again.

but then again, maybe he's avoiding me??

do you guys think he'd do THAT? Honestly it doesnt sound like something that he would do. just a day ago david was texting me and telling me how excited matt was about me comin to see him. and matt was telling me how excited he is to give me my birthday gift plus our one year gift. but it's one gift for both occasions. he said it's something that means a lot to him but if he tries to explain it it'll give it away..

so, im very confused right now. im lonley and sleepy and i dont know what to do. i should HOPFULLY be going up there within the next 3 weeks maybe? im going crazy just sitting here. Can somebody PLEASE give me some advise and TRY to make me feel a lil better??

I love you, good night..

<3

Sweet Sixteen!!!!!!!!!!

Welp, yesterday was my 16th birthday woot!! And Sunday was Mine and Matt's one year<3

Lol, it's interesting how time flies.. I can remember the first time i saw him, and the first time i ever heard his voice that day he called my phone=]]

I laugh at those who doubted our power.

<3

aw geez

life's gay.

lol, and summers good. sittin here bored an listenin to mp3.. um, Rash concert June 13th in Atlanta Georgia. $40. Let me know if you're going or not:) Dunno if i am or not. My boyfriend wants me to go with him and BJ. But who knows??

Probably going to the montains sometime between July and August.. Um, If anyone knows Scott Pippin, lol, if you see him, tell him Amanda still thinks about him. I miss talking to him. I don't think he likes me now for whatever his reason.

And the more I see the less I know, the more I like to let it go..

Letting go is too hard though. So how can you "teach" yourself to not love someone you've basically been in love with for almost two years?? Seems impossible right? Exactly. Do those feelings ever go away? I don't think they do if you really did truley love the person at some point in time......

I wish he knew i still feel like this though. But some things are better just left alone.. Don't wanna go through all of that mess again....

As you go through life you'll see, there is so much that we, don't understand.

And the only thing we know, is things don't always go, the way we planned.

But you'll see everyday that I'll never turn away when it seems all you're dreams come undone.

And if Brett Tucker is reading this, then yea, I still think about Scott P. A lot. I tried to erase how i felt. Dating somebody else didn't help as much as i thought it would. He never gave me a chance. And i'm not asking for one now. I guess it's true that sometimes the right person could have been right in front of me the whole time, I never thought it'd be him. And i still wonder what might have been.. And yo ain't gotta bring any of this up to him, and don't give him my URL because I don't want all that happened before to happen again.

Thanks if you read all that, kinda pointless of me to write it, not like it's gunna benefit me any.