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| I got sent to rehab.
gained it back and then some.
i'm back.
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| sorry it's been so long since i've updated. i plan to, later tonight.
ap us history exam tomorrow.
prom on saturday :)
the final stretch of the year is starting to wind down.
the thought of summer never tasted so sweet.
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| 7 8 9 10 11 pm
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 am
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 pm
24 hour fast completed.
Today
I went to go lie in the sun.
I let
myself be taken away by the searing rays of sunshine, let them soak into my
pastel winter skin, as I listen to the rustling pages of literature.
Or maybe that's simply my imagination as I imagine silly things from the cumbersome trees.
It is a beautiful moment.
The
roaring of the lawnmowers from various neighbors and even my own father compels
me to wish to live in solitude, with just him.
I want
to live in a place where I can let the grass grow and not destroy the
well-known home of the birds and the bees, and the little brown bunnies that
scamper away from me as I cut the grass.
The little green spider on the fence post reminds me of myself; insignificant.
Though there is always someone there to take notice of the beautiful things the little green spider does.
Nature is a force of its own.
It can't be measured,
for beauty is different to all.
I never
thought that you could fall in love until you were older or more experienced,
or something not quite grasped until beyond the years of petty romances and high school drama. I don’t know why, though. I guess all it took was a little head
over heels falling in love to convince me otherwise.
what love means to me.
forehead kisses and big bear hugs.
phone calls.
butterflies.
feeling beautiful.
being in our own little world.
pure bliss.
spring time.
gentle words.
conversations about nothing & everything.
holding hands.
sympathy.
best friends.
not being able to contain a smile.
falling in love.
being held in his arms.
confusion.
recklessness.
happiness.
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| intake.
cinnamon toast [ 150 cals ]
apple [ 75 cals ]
cereal [ 160 cals ]
once again, i eat too much.
outtake.
yardwork
tanning
yesterday was another day of fogginess i won't remember in two weeks. last night, however, was a different story. i think i could stay in my boy's arms forever, let him warm my shivering body and watch him smile. when i ask what he's doing, he always replies with a simple but perfect "just looking."
my love for him is ineffable. i love coming home and throwing on warmer clothes, smiling to myself and twisting fantasies in my head of the two of us, in a non sexual way. i love recalling the sweet nothings he whispers in my ear as he kisses it gently. and i love falling asleep smelling the fragrance of his mother's detergent and his soap. i could curl up into a cucoon and dream of him forever.
the thought of college and leaving him scares the hell out of me. i'm drowning in a sea of hope and misery, love and hate, failure and success. i'm drowning in a sea. his sea.
my prom dress is lovely.
if you really care, ask & i'll show you; it's online. i might put a picture of me up, in it. but maybe. i'm not into letting other people see everything i try to hide. i'm so insecure. but i can hide it oh so well.
to do.
study for apush
straighten hair
yoga
some sort of anaerobic exercise
vacuum my room
theultimatethinspo | | |
| I'm done feeling worthless.
I'll still do intake and outtake because being healthy is really important to me, but I feel like I shouldn't restrict my calories 24/7 because it just isn't good for my body. I'll still be trying to get fit, but I'm starting to realize that muscle is more attractive than bone. & really, isn't all we're trying to do is to be happy? I just want to be happy, & i'm hoping this might get me one step closer.
you all are wonderful.
cereal ( 300 cals )
100 cal pack cheese nips ( 100 cals )
cereal ( 180 cals )
skittle ( 125 cals )
dinner ( 300 cals ) ughhh
fattie.
to do for today:
+ ap environmental study guide / study it!
+ ap us history reading journals
+ tarea de espanol
+ clean the kitchen
+ clean my room
+ laundry (put away my clothes)
+ paperwork for work this summer !!
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