yo_yo_12345's Xanga Site

These last few weeks I've felt like I'm in the calm before a storm: The days have been gently gliding by, with highlights here, disappointments there, but mostly just contentedly meandering by. Though I've been busy/semi-productive, I think I'm underestimating how much work I actually have left to do (and hence how crazy things will be in 2 short weeks).

Otherwise, I'm happy to say that I am not over-analyzing everything as I am wont to do. Things are drifting along steadily, albeit slowly, with mixed signals aplenty (which I am strangely NOT analyzing to death) but full of possibility. It's actually very freeing to just let things go the way they will, without trying to assert control or channel their direction.

I've recently observed something about American-born desi* Muslim guys that I think is really interesting. Apparently they identify very strongly with the "black culture" in this country. To put the term "identify with" in perspective, my friend (who fits above category of people) said that in his family it will be more acceptable for him to marry a black Muslim than a south asian** non-Muslim. Frankly this surprised me a great deal. Maybe it's hard for me to relate because I'm culturally "hindu". Hindus in general tend to be Indian so a preference for hindu translates directly to a preference for an Indian. Anyway, according to my friend, this identification with black culture results from the fact that "muslim culture" in the United States is dominated by black muslim populations who are "greater in number" and were "here first". It's an interesting phenomenon.

*"Desi" = of South Asian descent
** "South Asian" = descending from the nations of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri-Lanka, and potentially Nepal/Bhutan depending on which dictionary you're looking in.

It's been a while since I felt very passionate/interested in what I'm doing. But I just started volunteering with Asha, a nonprofit here in the DC area that helps South Asian victims of domestic violence, and I'm feeling that passion again. The women I've met with so far and the ones I will be meeting in the next two weeks have really managed to make me feel part of a community in a way that I don't remember ever feeling. It's nice to know a group of empowered women who understand exactly what my cultural background is in all its facets--the South Indian side (everyone I've met so far is South Indian), but also the liberal, women's rights oriented American side (they're all clearly liberal women's rights activists).

(This is not to say that being women's rights oriented is an "American" phenomenon. On the contrary, some of the most passionate women's rights activists have come out of Indian society; but for me personally, it was the exposure to this country's freedoms that made me really see the restrictions on women in my own culture. And hence I associate women's rights advocacy with America.)

Now I just have to fight against the urge to put aside all my other commitments and just work on the Asha projects.

Why does nothing that I cook turn out right!? Ugh...so frustrating. Cursed I tell ya.

Halloween is fun in theory....but the actual experience of walking among throngs of people while trying not to get stepped on/punched/shoved/tripped up/etc. is just not that fun in practice. Not to mention that it's cold. So "fun" in anticipation but in hindsight, a "why didn't I just stay home and watch Friends re-runs". Also, my voice is completely shot. Should not have gone out with this horrible cough and talked all night long. I would say the funnest part of the whole night was the cab ride to this hallowed "M Street" (very Franklin St. like except 5 times as crowded with obnoxious undergrads and other DC-ers). The 3 people in the cab were pretty entertaining. Oh, and of course when I get home, "Emily" and "Morgan" were having a wonderfully loud party upstairs to "celebrate the holiday". Seriously...who "celebrates" halloween!? Anyway, the whole thing was very under-grad-esque.

One thing that law school makes you realize is how much of our societal beliefs are constructed...from scratch...and sometimes very arbitrarily. Take criminal law for instance. We grow up with these beliefs about what is a "crime" and what it means to be a "criminal." But what constitutes a crime is a complete social construct. Aside from murder, rape, and the other "universally" agreed upon crimes, things like drug offenses and the stigma that, for instance, being a heroin addict carries, are all socially constructed. [Okay I started this post and kind of didn't finish...and now I don't remember what else I wanted to say. So here is where I left it.]
I've been doing a spot of introspection lately. I wrote this a little while ago and thought I would post it because....well why not?

"I am such a confused person. What I do is completely uninformed by reality. It's as if I live in an imaginary land that exists in my head and I spend my life skimming and skirting the whims and fancies of that moment in time, not quite giving in to them but not quite leaving them un-indulged. And that's awful because I play with my own feelings, and I play with other people. I can't quite stay away from the fire but I don't have the smarts to know how to play with it without getting burned."

There're a lot of things I like about cold weather. One thing I do not like, however, is that I can't go running outside whenever I feel like it. So although I feel like running right now to drop some of this nervous energy, I have to actually spend the five bucks making it out to the school campus to go running at their gym.