yoamocafe's Xanga

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 00:12:56 GMT

i don't understand young cocky haughty professors.

Especially in the completely and totally subjective world of art grading.

why be snotty? why be rude? we are here to learn, and i thought you were here to teach, not crush young creative spirits with your pride, arrogance and threats...

ask me how my first week of school is going...

Friday, July 14, 2006

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 05:12:26 GMT

...and so she set sail everyday through colors and swirls and starry starry seas, charting the uncharted with her own imagination...

Friday, May 26, 2006

Fri, 26 May 2006 03:54:54 GMT

just breathe.

just be...

it's ok...really it is...

who am i? let's find out...

just breathe.

play that guitar, sing that song, dance that dance...it's all beauty in the making...

grab a brush, pick a color... would you care to create? i would...

laugh. sigh. giggle. smile wider. now believe it. and laugh again.

here i am...

being...

breathing...

i exist. and i love it.

run away with me? I'll go by myself, but you're definitely invited.

Journey's coming...moving, traveling, changing... if it all stayed the same, how would i know what's real and what's fake?

I want what's real... but can i create my own reality? you can be part of it...if you want to...

What do you want?

i want...

to just breathe...

to just be...

and i am...

more each day...

ps. God is amazing. and so am i. He told me so. =0)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Wed, 03 May 2006 04:00:34 GMT

take me away
take all the pain
wash me away
clean all the stains

steal me away
capture my heart
hide me away
and restore every part

i want to know and feel your presence drawing nearer
I want to taste and see your goodness ever clearer

i want your love to take me captive
i want your love as long as i live
i want to run with full abandon
into your arms

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 03:53:31 GMT

sooooooooooooo i had $20 stolen today, but it was kinda my fault.... and so i prayed and asked God to give me the money back...and then the guy from rooms-to-go called me and told me they got another bed in.

the dream bed. the beautiful wonderful silver swirly cinderella carraige bed.

and it's all mine...

for $100 less then it was on sale for last time...

how's that for getting my money back???

Friday, April 21, 2006

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 05:26:10 GMT

I want beauty. i want to create it. I want to be it. i want to inspire it. I want inspiration. I want to dream again, to believe it can happen again. I want to want something other than just to want. I want to hit a second puberty and hope my voice changes and i don't sound like an 8 year old when i sing. I want to sing like an angel. I want to sing and play so beautifully that i inspire others to sing and play. I want to write something so beautiful that others can't help but be lost in it, to love it, to love me. I want to be a star. I want others to want to be like me. I want to make others see beauty...in the world, in music, in art, in themselves... i want to belong. i want to fit in. I want to make jaws drop for numerous reasons, all of them good. I want to be special. I want to matter. I want to make a difference. I want to see my grandpa again. I want to make my family proud of me. I want to be me. I want to have a place that's mine, that i belong in, that i am wanted in. I want to be wanted. I want for people other than 12 yr olds and grammas to think i have great music. I want to be great. I want to be great. I want to be great.

i want to want it bad enough that i make it happen.

I want to sell paintings. i want to record, and play, and learn everything i can. i want to never have to work unless i want to. i want to make little brown babies, and teach them to play baseball and guitar. i want to play guitar. I want to have time to practice. I want to know what my life has meant. I want to know how i've changed anything in the course of this world. I want to know, who remembers me? Becuz i want to be remembered. I want to leave a legacy. I want to leave a mark. i want to change a life, save a life, create a life. I want to live my life. yo quiero hablar en espanol muy bien. Yo quiero ver y hablar con mi ita. yo quiero tener ganas. muchas ganas. much desire. yo quiero tener mucha esperanza. yo quiero estar una mariposa de amor. yo quiero amar. con todos mis dias, con todo mi corazon, con toda mi fuerza, con toda mi mente, con todo mi vida, yo quiero amar mi dios. y tu.

i want to tell the world about me, cuz i don't know if anyone else ever will.
so i'm telling you. becuz you are part of my world. so for what it's worth, that's me for you. know me. love me. want me. take me or leave me. i'm me.

i want to check everything off of that list someday...

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 15:58:53 GMT

...and what was said to the rose to make it unfold was said to me here in my chest...

be quiet now and rest...

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 03:43:22 GMT

i found this phenomanol bed that was this huge like swirly metal silver frame, where the whole bed was made out of these giant metal swirls that ran off of each other. it was amazing. gorgeous. wonderful. the perfect amy bed. and i said i wanted it. but it was $300 dollars, and my dad said he'd pay half. but he said i should think about it more. SO i did. I cam home and thought i want it! so i looked it up online, and it's actually a disney princess bed and it's supposed to be the pumpkin vines making the carraige, and it has this huge canopy of the carraige over it...but at the rooms to go clearance store, it was damaged and only had the bottom...which is all i would want anyways...it was $499 online. and rooms to go is the only place that seels it. So i went back today, because my dad said i should wait and think a few days... yeah, they sold it monday. nice, huh? i am very sad. it was so...amy... and now it's not. but maybe they'll get another "damaged" one in........

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 04:58:58 GMT

The temptation is to say that it's a sound like nothing else in the world. But That wouldnt be true. There are variations on the sound that i make when i hit the ball with the bat just right, and all those variations have relatives out there in the non baseball world.

There is the crack. It sounds so much like the sound a tree trunk makes when an old maple goes down that you have to take cover just in case. When i hit a ball and it goes crack, that is as good as i can hit it. It might not be a homerun, because maybe i didn't get under it enough, and it's a line drive, or maybe i got under it too much and it's a high fly ball, but whether the thing gets out or not, i am one happy and satisfied ballplayer...because here is a secret i can share: i don't care a ton about scoring runs or winning games. What I care about is hitting a baseball.

There is the snap. If I am going with the pitch, like when they are being particularly cute with the curves and screwballs and i have to go with whatever i get, then bat-meets-ball is more like a snapping sound, a slapping sound, and i knock the thing into right field with less authority then i might like, but all the same it is very satisfying. Because that stuff can be devilishly hard to hit, and you have to be both smart and quick with your hands to change your stroke on the fly and get the ball out there in play. The ball in play. I love the ball in play. I hate the ball in the catcher's hands.

Pop. Pop is a bad sound, the way i hear it. Because i hear it pop-pop. Double pop, like a mock. Because to me that is the sound of striking out, and striking out is the worst thing that can happen to a person. Anybody can miss a ball once--pop--, because sure, there are some good guys who can get out there and throw, and they can get lucky now and then. And if conditions are right for them, and wrong for you, you can even get caught a second time--pop-- and find yourself in jeopordy.

But a thrid strike...i have never been able to see the reasoning behind a third strike. Not in one at bat, uh-uh, no way, no excuse. Nobody should be able to fool you or overwhelm you three times in one at bat. NO one. So the ultimate insult, the unbearable nightmare of a noise is that pop-pop of that third strike. The first pop being the ball landing in the catcher's mitt. the second pop being me banging the bat off my helmet.

Because striking out is not ok. Striking out means someone else has control. When the ball is over the plate, you should be able to hit it.

Nothing else makes sense.

The crack of the bat is churchbells to me, the sound of all is well.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 22:54:05 GMT

yesterday was ruben and i's 3 year anniversary.

THREE YEARS!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!?! iT'S A MIRACLE!!!

we went to the beautiful beaches of corpus christi...the gulf was bright greenish blue when the sun hit it, and the temperature was a balmy 85 degrees. after walking along the family-crowded beach for over an hour, taking in every sight and sound and smell, ruben ventured into the chilly (and by chilly i mean FREEZING!) water while i set up my little dry sand habitation and laid there on the beach, saoking in the sun, the gentle salty sea breeze carressing my face...soon ruben joined me and the oceanic nap was the greatest ever ever on the planet.

thought i'd share my day. i know you are deeply jealous. but don't hate me because i have a better boyfriend than you. or because my beach story is better than your spring break...