That road trip was unreal!

    Really? No, I said it was UNreal. Hah. Sometimes jokes roll of my tounge like nothing. I'm quick! ya know? Maybe you don't know. Maybe you should know.

    The three of us had a blast. My highlights? My lowlights?

      Highlights....

           - Starting that trip off with Praise and Worship. It put all of us in the right state of mind for the trip. I was ready to be awed by God, and He was more than willing to awe me with that all that beauty. Because of our prayer during the trip and before the trip, we were ready to play. 

          - Mountains everywhere. Driving in them. Looking at them. Trying to climb them. Watching skiers practice for the Olympics on them. Mountain bikers everywhere on them.

     -Lakes underneath the mountains. Enough said with this one. My legs went numb and things get ugly when that occurs.

     - JUMPING OFF THIRTY FOOT CLIFFS INTO RAPID THIRTY DEGREE WATERFALLS. This one could of killed me as I am white, and I'm a girl, so I really don't have "jumps," persay, and i kinda had to clear another cliff to land in the water. And once I was safe in the water, I actually wasn 't safe at all cuz i had to swim away from a killer little current. But I went first, so I figured I was saving the life of one of my friends cuz if I died first, they wouldn't jump. (they promised.)

     - Time away. To learn about what God has for me, the kind of girl he made me. realizing without sounding conceited in any way that I'm not your average girl. I'm kinda weird and a little crazy, kinda rough around the edges sometimes, kinda grumpy without any sleep, kinda raspy. But I like to have good clean fun.

    - Heather. Quite possibly the greatest friend I've ever had. Shes so consistent, so alive, always ready to dance and sing. I love that girl so much! This is not a shout out to her cuz she doesn't know what xanga is. She lives in Coopersville. yeah....

      Lowlights...

         - Driving all night and not sleeping pretty much the whole trip.

         - A downpour that lasted three days in a town with absolutely nothing to do but drive away from it.

         - The hotdogs that somehow landed in my bag and decided to quick turn rotten and stink up the one pair of clothes that I decided to bring for the whole trip.

        - The grease in my hair. Well I don't know if this was a lowlight. Heather and Val seemed to think their grease was, but secretly I didn't even notice mine.

     - This underground cave we crawled in. We all ended up bawling in there, it was a little tunnel way too small to even crawl through. It was like a mile long and took way too long for all of us to find our way out. I hated that cave more than anything I've ever hated. Stupid cave.

                                You guys are the best! I think I'm gonna be done with xanga after this post cuz I might do the Myspace thing and put my songs on there... I'll let ya know if I do that. Thanks for all these years of Xanga, and fun! God Bless you all ALLLL the time!! (I didn't even mean to capitalize the ALLLL. It just came out like that. weird. must be important. I think I'll miss rambling on this thing. Myspace is so... serious.)

That picture that I have up there is way old, and I haven't posted since school has been out cuz I'm  workin workin workin, BUT I'm going upstate New York on a road trip with my girls this Friday! I love run-on sentences...

    Almost as much as I love this coming road trip. Just me, Heather, Val and her jeep...for a week and a half. AHH! I love those friends!

     Things haven't been so sweet and simple though so far this summer. I'm way confused boy-wise ( I gave that one to God at the vulnerable age of like two...) and my heart is complicated. Sometimes I wish I could start everything new. Pretend like we never kissed, never dated, most defenitly never loved. But that would be good times totally wasted. I'm growing from this like crazy, realizing somethings I need to change about myself.

      I quit asking God all the "what ifs..." and just sarted asking Him the "hows.."

           How can I lean into God during this heartache? How can I still love without getting way attatched and super pissy... How can I pray for the boy, How can I encourage him without getting all clingy... how can I aquire an urge to take a shower in the summer?  hah. (whos laughin?) 

      Most importantly, how can I figure out what God has for me. What I'm meant for! Somehow being able to utilize all the weird talents God gave me is tricky. How can I love hard on the right person, people maybe.... old people maybe. I feel like when I love, I don't hold back at all. It leaves me hanging a little during breakups, and deaths- but it brings me more Joy than anything. Anyways, I want to use everything for God.

          God really didn't promise the neat and clean. I've come to realize that more and more lately... luckily the solution is simple. God's huge hands can do way more than handle my little aches. I love that. oh I love that. Thanks for reading, I'll come back after that road trip, I love you guys! have fun in this great lake state!!

Currently Listening Nothing Left to Lose By Mat Kearney see related

Ya know how a couple of posts ago I was laughing at the poor people that had the headphones on, but the music was blasting out the speakers in the library?

   I was that person about 40 seconds ago. I had the phones on, but they were not plugged in. So the worst part about it is that there was white-boy rap crankin for about 2 minutes before anyone told me. Hahaha, ohhh, I love feeling dumb. Keeps ya humble, ya know?

   Maybe i'd be full of myself if I wasn't always falling down stairs, cranking Mat Kearney in libraries, failing classes by one point... bring it!

    I just took a really hard final. I have one more to go later tonight. I think its in-humane the amount of studying that needs to take place just to get above an 80. I stacked all my notes and slides and things in about five 6-feet tall piles last night. It looked to me like little models of the Grand Plaza all over the kitchen table. To my mom it looked like a "mess" I told her I'm naming her "miss negativity." They were beautiful to my brain in all of its friedness.

     I played the guitar and just stared at the little works of art until about 11 PM. Then I dug into them and pulled an all-nighter. I don't know if I got the 80 I was going for. Its all in God's hands now, I really gave as much as I had to give.

     I think He likes the simple prayers I've been praying lately like "if You want me to be a nurse, help me get through this... if not, take away all desire to want to get through it.." and "If hes the boy for me we'll follow our hearts and they'll end up in the same place" and "If you want me to play guitar with some rappin, keep giving me oppertunities, and more than 4 chords, cuz I've used all combos of them!!..."

     I think He really loves honest prayers. If I wasn't sincere He would see right past it anyways! There is nothing left to lose with sincerity. I've come to admire that quality lately, sometimes I can be so insincere. Its a way for me to hide out, never tell people what I'm thinkin, feeling.

      This cd is unreal. go to matkearney.com and listen to it really loud in some huge, really quiet, wooden library, people will get a kick out of you. And me and you will have a bond.

         "we're either halfway drowned or halfway around the peer..." Mat Kearney

   I'm either done with my classes. Or ready to reapeat them... The studying on the table either looks like small models of the Amway Grand, or a 'mess'.... Mom!!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!