so i never even write in this biatch anymore, and im pretty sure no one even reads it. so why bother? hmmmm. i dont know. senior year is creeping upon us, and maybe i should keep up with it and make it a solid 4 years of journaling, maybe have a nice start to the great american novel i will probably one day never write. who knows? is my life even that interesting? not sure not sure. considered joining myspace and then vetoed that thought about 30 seconds later. i like that my facebook isnt a journal and my journal isnt a free for all.
all in all, the summer was pretty well spent. i moved out of hell and into a little slice of heaven (so far) and im truly happy that i am both no longer living with megan in isolation and that i live with friends who i am pretty sure will remain my friend after this experience. PLUS the place is kick-ass, my group of friends are really rocking my face off right now, the only real worry i have been having lately is money, which never changes, so i think im doing pretty well. i think i may have found my niche here at mizzou, and it only took me 3 years to do it.
The sad thing about being a senior is that i am realizing that we only have one year left to do everything weve been doing for the past 3. it really makes me want to immerse myself in life and have as much fun as possible, because lets face it, after college, there is law school. very little fun. and after law school there is the real world. possibly fun, but not in the free as a bird way that college is. MAN.
I also realize that I will probably spend a large portion of my semester high. and im ok with that. my grades are good and i dont foresee me fucking it all up this year, actually plan on working harder than ever to get the grades up as much as possible in what little time I have left.
The only thing missing right now is the fact that I really want to be getting laid. and i think i have a prospect for a booty call type thing, which is good. but i dont know. i feel like im always scared of boys. not in that way, but in the way like what if I put myself out there and get rejected im not sure if I want to do that way. i really dont foresee anything romantic happening with this guy so i guess i should go for it, but its hard not to listen to other people when they warn you about getting attached. I know im not attached and dont want to be, but theres always that doubt in the back of my mind like, what if I end up actually liking this person for more than his sexual prowess and its not mutual? or vice versa? i dont know, maybe im too cautious sometimes, but i think i definitely have trust issues with guys and im pretty sure it stems from the fact that i was constantly harrassed in grade school by stupid boys that shouldnt matter, but they always end up making you feel insecure and bad about yourself anyway. Im dwelling on this too much. and im also probably worrying about absolutely nothing. ok time to mooove on.
not incredibly happy with the job right now, but i dont really want to try to find another job either. i dont want to prove them right. but at the same time, when richard talks down to me about my service, it makes me feel bad, and i know i shouldnt let it get to me, but when you do something and you know you do it well and then someone tells you that you are doing badly, it hurts. i dont even know if what i wrote was grammatically correct. but what does it matter. i know what i mean.
hmmmm. i see there are openings at grand cru. perhaps i will call them tomorrow. that would be nice and really good money!
time to call it a night. school starts tomorrow and i am officially a COLLEGE SENIOR!!!!!! | 
