Fuck...I hate life...myself...i just make things worse... ughh...w/e lifes over for me...

I don't know whats up with me I can't talk to anyone without getting mad...always trying to push people away...when really I NEED them...I don't know whats up with me...I broke up with Elaine...just can't handle being with someone...maybe I was made to be single...I mean I still love her and I know I always will but I hate who I've become since I've been with her...nothings her fault at all, even if i say it is....the only one I can blame is myself...but still I don't know what to do to make me better...happier...nothing works...drugs,pills,friends,family,not even Elaine..I just can't stop the pain...ughhhh whatever...fuck this shit no ones going read it anyway...I'll just back to doing drugs and fucking up till i die ...................................

Things that i wish i could do...that would make my summer SO MUCH better...

- spend it with Elaine.
- a car and my license.
- hangout with my old friends and the one that are in summer school.
- not being alone and BORED like now.
- swimming.
- boating?.
- biking.
- basketball.
- football.
- traveling. [ like actually leaving Michigan ]
- eating sushi.
- and ice cream, Popsicles etc...
- walking around going places.
- parties.
- anything besides what i am doing right now..

ughhh i hate being alone...cuz when i'm alone i think to much it gets depressing...BLEH!

i want so much to be with elaine...ughhhh help!