I used to be a hard-core homebody. I secretly loved it when people cancelled on me, giving me an excuse to just stay home and curl up in my bed with a movie or a book. I'd rather have people over my house then out at some lounge or coffee shop.

That is until three weeks ago, when I realized I have to fully maximize this precious time between unemployment and the 37.5 hour work week. If you look at my agenda, you'll see the little boxes in my calendar jam-packed with meeting people for lunch, dinner, coffee, night cap (jk about that one), whatever. I met up with my old high school friends, new friends, church friends, and whoever else would meet with me...

Now that my 3 weeks is winding down -- actually, it's been about 2.5 months of freedom if I'm honest with myself -- I'm wondering if my wiring has gone a little haywire. After small group yesterday (which was weird because we normally meet on Fridays, but decided to meet this Wednesday since Encounter "afternoon" --> time switched to 4 p.m. in case you haven't heard), I got home at like 10... and I was so bored...  really, usually this rarely happens. I don't get bored at home. I used to pride myself on that fact. But man, I wanted to be out and about! I wanted to call someone and get all dressed up and be OUT.

But of course, unlike me, most people have work the next day... so I didn't call anyone.  I just sat at my desk and twiddled my thumbs.  No, that's a lie. I tried to reform callouses on my left hand fingers in prep for the guitar clinic next Saturday (woohoo!) and then googled random things like "how to make a drawstring pouch".

I can't wait to revert back to my homebody ways... It's cheaper, more convenient, and I'm guessing by the time the 37.5 hour work week kicks in, I'll be to tired to be out all the time anyways...

I normally have no problem falling asleep, but tonight for some reason, I found myself laying (lying?) in bed, just blinking up at the dark ceiling. I resorted to the usual FB surfing, but there's only so much you can really do on FB... [I don't know why, but I feel like I can't say the whole word on this thing. Like I'd be betraying xanga just by saying it. "Facebook".  There, I said it.]

So anyways, I totally remembered about this xanga account and logged in (of course, after 4 failed attempts at the correct password) to be pleasantly surprised to see some of you out there (meaning my friends who I subscribe to) are using this thing. It's nice to read about the random facts of your life that you normally probably wouldn't share in most likely a 10-minute conversation we'd have in the hallway of church or school. It's even nicer writing random facts/thoughts that most likely I wouldn't share either... not because they're secret or only appropriate to share from a distance, but because... well, there's not really a point to what we blog, is there? there's something nice about just letting thoughts flow freely, albeit without a point.

I guess that's why people journal. I could never keep journals though... I am great at starting things but it's the finishing or the follow-through that I've never been good at. Hence the dozens of journals I have started but never used past page 24 - and that's a long one.

Part of me envies those people who have like an archive of their life in 52 journals, starting from the teenybopper letters of a fourth grader with all the i's dotted with smiley faces or gay hearts, to the sloppy but familiarized handwriting of someone who's been writing for decades. Like that lady in "Notes on a Scandal", only I wouldn't want to be old and secretly a lesbian who stalks female colleagues [watch the movie if you have no idea what you mean]. But I guess being Judy (Judie?) Dench is cool. 'Cuz then I could be "M" in the Bond movies as well. Being the boss of James Bond doesn't sound too bad, does it?

So it's been almost 2 months since I finished school... I am no longer a student. I think it's a title I'll miss, since I never dreaded school or anything, but I guess it's just time for a new one. I'm currently in limbo when it comes to titles though, besides the general ones like "daughter", "sister", "friend", etc... I'm waiting on a job place to call me back and tell me whether they'll let me have their new title... It should be any day now... they've checked my references and everything. I suppose I should really be enjoying this free time. I honestly am, but I guess in this performance-driven society, I can't help but feeling a tad bit guilty about just being able to enjoy not doing anything much. There are lots of times I didn't do anything much while I was a student, but at least I still had that title to my name. My title now is "unemployed", so the guilt comes.

I think I'm getting a little sleepy... maybe I'll check out my bed again. Thanks for keeping me company...

j

I was talking to someone today and was describing how it feels like I'm watering my brain when I read books.

Or at least how I imagine it would feel like for a plant in a pot when you give it water.  Just that feeling of your soil being fully drenched with H2O that's somehow supposed to react with sunlight and help you photosynthesize nutrients to make you grow.  A satisfying feeling.

Which really reminds me I should water the plants in my kitchen.  Every year the same thing happens.  My halmunee comes home and finds all our plants dying of thirst and slowly dropping off their leaves, but she somehow miraculously revives them to become green again.  Then she leaves for Korea, and our plants are again doomed to a neglected life without water or care on the part of its owner.  Somehow they hang on just long enough for our halmunee to come home and the cycle continues.

But I'll try to remember to water them tomorrow morning.......