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yoshimi14
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Name: Yin
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: Brooklyn
Birthday: 11/25/1991
Gender: Female
Interests: I like to draw,read mangas (Im a manga freak!!!!), write my continuously unsuccessful stories and to play sports.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/27/2005
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| not so good today either...Well been as busy as any other day for the past few weeks. I finally got one part of my college now final over with and I also finished Spanish part one of my finals too. But I still have two other parts of my spanish test coming and anopther part of my college now test tooo, along with two more research papers due in the beginning of June.... And then the SAT score I got back was totally depressing..... I just wanted to hit my head against the wall and scream my head off and die.... sorry, I'm a little too dramatic... but thats how I felt sooo..... anyway, I got really mad about it and for the rest of the day, I felt as if there was a heavy boulder on my head and it was trying to make me shorter until I was nothing more than a pancake... and also have a piece of cloth over my face so I was walking blindly to my classes. My classmates got kind of scared of me and didn't want to bother or talk to me since I looked so gloomy. That made me feel even worse cuz everyone was backing away from me...... well thats how today was..... and to let you know, this isn't much of a praise... despite the heading of my xanga page.... -_-;;;;; > <
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| Time Flies....I can't believe that in such a short period of time, so many things happened... Like the China earthquake... then my aunt dying... I was also worried about my cousins and especially my uncle who worked in China. Luckily, he went back to Hong Kong and is safe .... *phew!!!!!!* Thank God about that. Then I had to do soooo many research papers, reports, finals... its all driving me crazy and now was the only time I could have a really short break to relax a tiny bit... other than Sundays... I also have an oral test for spanish and I'm freaking the heck out cuz my spanish pronunciation is terrific horror and anyone who hears me... scratch that... anyone who TRIES to hear me speak a sentence in Spanish would just probably shake their heads and sigh cuz I suck at it.... The teacher would probably do the same thing I would end up getting a ten out of twenty-four, which would probably be lucky for me....I getting overly anxious about too many things. I also need to find a job and I was stupid enough to think that I need to get my green card first before I sign up for SYEP, which I found out that you don't need to.... and I found out a bit too late at that. So know I have only one option for a job and that is working with kids at OCM ... if they let me even get an interview... It really sucks... really. Then my sister is in a totally foul mood at home... and my mom is getting both forgetful and stubborn... and short tempered.. like my sister, and when the too of them clash, it feels as if you are standing in the middle of a war with two countries blasting at each other with nulear bombs or something... Its definitely THE last place you want to be in. The reason for all of this ruckus between them? I have absolutely NO idea. And here I am standing in the middle of this war zone, getting blasted at because I just happen to be living in the same house as they are. When I try to calm both of them down they both yell at me, when I walk away, mom just has to drag me into the arguement, when I leave them alone.... I dont even want to talk about it.... All this just makes me want to cry again.. and I sort of did the other night. All this in just the past few days was just too much. I know I love my family but I just hate the fact that they don't stop for a moment to think about their actions. My sister wont admit that her obsession for Korean dramas are just ruining her relationship with the rest of the family, my mom wont realize that she forgets alot these days sometimes yells at us for things that did not happenand mixed it up with something else. Sometimes I just wonder whether I did something wrong in the first place and whether I didn't do enough, which probably is true. It makes me so sad..... 
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| So frustrating!!! Today I just felt like as if I was going to scream out in anguish from all the lack of rest. Last night just made today all gloomy.  I was trying to finish a project at home when my mom has to yell at me for staying up so late. As if I could help it!!! Then she starts complaining about the usual stuff me not caring about the family, or nobody listening to her anymore.I really hate that. Then I did something that hurts even right now whenever I think about it. I started to say bad things in my head. At that time, I really hated her for throwing fits at us and not trying to understand how it felt like to be yelled at for no reason. I felt like as if I just got stabbbed in the chest and it really hurt. But when I realized what I had done afterwards, it hurt even more and all I was able to do was cry myself to sleep.... Its so embarrassing... Well, I just need some time alone....if I ever have that time without my mom there yelling again, I would be able to calm down a little.....The one thing that made me feel better was that when I was crying last night, I heard God comforting me in my mind. He said "I would never leave you and if you need someone to confide in, you know you can tell Me everything. No matter where you are, when you feel upset, distressed, despare, I will be there for you and I will bind up your wounds and heal your brokenheart." I felt a bit better then.
I guess this sorta like a praise... right??? 
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| Im feeling so depressed right now... I get this feeling that Im nothing good especially when my parents yell at me and this voice inmy head says" yeah you're no good. You might as well just die!" I get so down but I dont want ot tell anyone. Not even my family or James. Then it makes me feel that I have no one to turn to.When ever I feel this way, I just sometimes not talk to anyone and sulk alone, or sometimes I put on a fake smile and try to shrug it off.But it seems to never work. And then all the built up pressure and stress get clogged in my head and I get moody and grumble at people for no reason. This just makes my life seem so hard to live up to.Whenever I them(the voices) at first try to block it out of my head and say to myself "Thats Satan! Dont listen to Him!" But then the more negative words I hear from people around me, the more I feel that its harder to block off Satan's attack on me.In the end I would hide in the bathroom and just cry it out. Its so tiring and painful. Afterwards I just try to stick all those pressure, stress, and emotion all in a small bag and try to stick in the back of my head. How can I continue to live like that? I cant bear it. There wre actually a few times when I hear the voices, that I think to myself, "Would it have been better if I was never born? I cant help but think that way. This webenrty hting is the only thing I can pour my herat into. This is definitely not a praise. I definitely need help like immense praying. But the voices in my head tell me its not going to work. Now I get confused and my head hurts. Sometimes I just cry cuz I want to see Jesus right now so I wont ever feel sad or need to cry anymore. The pain is just too much for me to bear. I just wish that this pain would stop. Cant anyone understand how I feel right now? | | |
| Uhhh... I cant believe I am such a loser... I dont even know how to work this thing... well so far I got no comments, no eprops either ... -_-;;; oh well..School's almost over so Im glad.But.... =_= I cant believe someone had to steal my spanish textbook last minute!!!! ahhhhhhh!!~_~;;I feel so bad now I have to pay $55 for the stupid textbook...Wahhh!wat am I gonna do?! My mom is so going to kill me... I already used too much money on some very big stuff already..................Right noow, I feel so sick...AHHH...HELP ME ! Right now I know only God can help me get through this problem...Well this isnt much of a praise...well I hope someone prays for me... | | |
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