you_smile_too_loud's Xanga

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 17:52:16 GMT

i want a prom date.

i <3 kim hyun joong.

and jang geun suk.

and my doggie. he's clean now. lol.

i have three lists.

one: people i like

two: people i dislike

three: people i wish i were close to but i know they never will be.

number three was added this year.

hm.

my brother's voice is too loud. it physically hurts my ears. i feel bad for yelling at him all the time, but i get an instant headache. geez.

i need to exercise. my pants are getting too squishy, and they're already 27's.

i'm really bad with prioritizing.

if there's a drama i like, i can't stop watching it.

did i mention i <3 kim hyun joong??

the more i think about it, the more convinced i am that everything is compensated. smart people are really smart right? but they tend to lack social skills. i dunno about u, but i'd rather be able to make lots of friends than be able to explain a physics theory.

there are people who are perfect at everything, but there's always something that's missing. so no worries.

all of my guy friends are feminine or gay. it's not good or bad.

college apps are stressing me out.

i feel so incompetent.

but i shouldn't.

i am going to reach five foot six this year. i can feel it.

i started working on my RISD bike.

just two more ginormous pieces to do in a month. shoot me.

u know what? i never seriously considered having a boyfriend.

haha.

just goes to show.

tchao.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:08:43 GMT

ok peeps. as you've noticed, i haven't been allowed out.
so, you should be aware, i won't be allowed out for a long time.
but you have been warned: after december is over, you'll be so sick of me asking to do things that you'll wish it were college apps season again. i'll be eighteen in february, and hopefully i'll have my permit and shtuff, so...PARENTS: DON'T EVEN TRY TO NAG ME THEN.

i am just so sick of people telling me i'm not careful enough. HELLO, i may have short term memory loss or something, but i am responsible.

for now, i'm very sad. and stressed. and nervous. and worried. and the worst part is, i've done all that i can.

i just need to be a good writer for a few weeks. pretending doesn't help too much. sob.

don't mind me if i'm chronically grumpy.
tis my nature.

until then.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:04:12 GMT

yea, junior year was bad. but everyone was suffering together, which made it bearable.

senior year sucks bc everyone's going down a different path so you HAVE to be independent.
now, i LOVE be independent, but it's the suddenness of it all that's so awkward and makes u feel taken aback a bit.

omg omg omg.

BIG BREATH.
BREATHE INNNN.
BREATHE OUUUTT.

i've been getting horrible scores on the practice Lit SAT subject tests. omg.

i haven't finished that STUPID supplement essay. i'm screwed.

i've watched Click with Adam Sandler, but i don't care, I WANT A FRIKKIN REMOTE and fast forward 8 months.
T_T

i'm done whining.

whew.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:55:03 GMT

AAAAAHHHHHHH

SSSTTRRRREEESSSSSSS

my desire to get into brown is an obsession.
i must get in.
i'm not expecting to get an acception letter, but it's like...COLLEGE FROM HEAVEN.

after about a month of uber PMSing, no more! the past couple days have been really happy for me.

TOO MUCH INFO. LOL.

my confidence in english class hit rock bottom. again. i thought i would be better this year, but my english teacher indirectly told me that my college essay sucks and that i need to do it again. which i am. so i gotta write another essay and submit the darn thing on friday.

my my how life sucks.

apparently i'm interesting. better than boring.

i need to be careful when it's "that time of the month." i get extra cynical and extra mean and then i gotta apologize for my rude behavior and dammit it's the hormones i tell u!!!

stupid hormones.

so english class is my adversity again this year. even if i get a B in calc, it's no surprise, but I MUST GET AN A THIS YEAR IN ENGLISH. i have tried TOO HARD to give up now.

as much as the college apps stress sucks, senior year is much better for me. no science, no new material from math, i can do art hardcore, people are taking me much more seriously, i'm comfortable with myself as i have never been, and i get to leave home soon.

bad things: major skin problems. i didn't know acne could frikkin hurt! i mean, MY GOD. ouch. also, internet addiction. also, college stress. also, i'm really worried about my prom date. for now, i'll just say edward cullen. MUAHAHA.

no i'm not hyper. just happy for no good reason. none at all, actually.

u know what? i was never comfortable with being a kid. i much prefer being older. hm.
and you know what else? i'm smart.

aja aja fighting.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 04:37:40 GMT

it is currently 1:30 a.m.
darn internet addiction.
it's slowly rotting my brain.
but i can't help it. cuz that's what an addiction is.
i fear for my future self, LOL.
T_T what am i going to do about prom? eh? i am so ready to buy a dress and all that, but no guy. eh? eh?

yes, i'm in a sappy mood. woopdidoo.

my future husband is uber good-looking, uber nice, and plays classical acoustic guitar.

;)

Friday, September 12, 2008

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:17:24 GMT

dudes. why is school so boring? i'm not saying it's worse than last year, bc i don't think anything could be worse than junior year, but it's so odd not getting a million assignments.

i guess i'm happy. how strange!

cabinet is so much fun.
didn't know what to think about it first, but i guess i can only do my best and work with what i've got.
altho, i am not happy that there are 40 senior homerooms. oh poop.

wind ensemble. hm. WHYYY??? shoot me. not really, maybe just smack me. lightly on the head.

i was in the weirdest car ride today. so weird. it was me, jimmy, karl, karl's mother, and jason yoon.

OH MY. i swear they were on a sugar high.

sigh. it was hard keeping up with their talking. they were going like a billion miles per minute!!

it's weird not hating North Penn.

hm.

i hate being a creeper magnet.
i hate greasy guys.
i hate egotistical guys.
i hate guys who think they're really smart.
i hate guys WHO THINK THEY'RE COOL AND RANDOMLY HUG PEOPLE WITHOUT ANY WARNING WHATSOEVER!!!!!

...i dare him to approach me again...
next time, i will mouth him off.
you'd think that my death stares would be enough.
you'd think that my completely ignoring him would be enough.
you'd think that my shoving him in the stomach with my thumbs (i wanted as little contact as possible) would send a signal.

oh my Lord. please deliver me from creeper hell.

it's raining.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:40:21 GMT

i should stop fighting with my parents about college crap.
but then again, i need to be an independent, responsible, young adult.
screw respect. they've gotten a lot of it these past 17 years, and now they need to be respecting me

oh shnap. incase u can't tell, i'm in a super crappy mood. and i was happy hyper like an hour ago.

grr.

i dunno. it's like they think i'm the one always wrong, and i can't take care of myself. and they possibly can't be right, and things can't be left up to me. huh. well, i really don't feel guilty exclaiming everyday, I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO COLLEGE! I WANNA LEAVE NOW!

well then.

this summer was good to me. it was lazy...i did some bonding with friends...i ate too much...met incredible people...realized some important things...etc...etc...stayed up til 3...slept til 1...HAHA. noice. noice.
and i memorized how to get somewhere! aahhh!! even if it's two minutes away from my house. haha.
i made little stuffed monster thingies...
watched many movies...
watched too many dramas...
tried to exercise...
shopping...
i like being 17.
i should get my permit. haha. but i don't mind as much as people think i should mind.
half a year of working my butt off (again), and i'm home free. oh yes.

got this from mary's FB. fill it out when u have the time. or...when ur bored, haha.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF

1. I died:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. You found out I was married:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I refused to leave my home:
8. I got into a fight while you were there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY

9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:

WOULD YOU

13. Help me hide a body?
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?
15. Hold my hand?
16. Take a bullet for me?
17. Hug me?
18. Try to solve my problems?
19. Love me?
20. Date me?

HAVE YOU EVER

21. Lied to make me feel better?
22. Wanted to kiss me?
23. Wanted to kill me?
24. Broke my heart?
25. Kept something important from me?
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?

AND MORE

27. Who are you?
28. Are we friends?
29. When and how did we meet?
30. Describe me in three words:
31. What was your first impression?
32. Do you still think that way about me now?
33. What reminds you of me?
34. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
35. How well do you know me?
36. When's the last time you saw me?
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
38. Are you gonna repost this to see what I say about you?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 04:11:57 GMT

i really miss GYLC...
who knew??

and i hate schoolwork.
but u know what? i'm finding that i want to go back...just for this one last year.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:49:48 GMT

i'm bored and anxious at the same time. still have a load of crap to do. but my bike drawing is slowly making progress. at least it looks kick butt. haha.

i went shopping again. so now i have a lot of shoes. haha. and many new clothes. my closet is probably a lot smaller than people think, but i love everything in it.

i got my senior portrait taken yesterday morning. my mom is really good with makeup, so she did my makeup for me...cuz i'm kind of clueless...and she does it much faster. she had to put so much concealer on.
i hate acne. oh my gosh. it's so nasty. i've never had it this bad before...hopefully it'll disappear by college?

anywho, so i discovered that gel eyeliner is like the greatest invention ever. and Bobbi Brown's gel eyeliner is so cool. it's kohl colored, and it's shimmery. but very low key, and it's like a matte color.

oh snap. so i hope i didn't put too much makeup on, but i didn't put on eye shadow...and i only put a little blush. so hopefully it'll look like i have an even complexion (thanks to foundation...cover up...concealer...etc...haha) and eyeliner. yay?

done talking about that. moving on!!

i wish i could sing. i've been looking up songs on youtube and some people r so talented.

however, not to be corny, but i sincerely believe that everone has a talent. some r just more noticeable and "loud" than others, and it doesn't make anyone less important. some more appreciated, i guess, but it's all subjective. yep.

i'm watching You Are My Destiny. i have lost sleep and actually not gone to sleep until like...well, extremely extremely late and almost didn't sleep until morning bc of this drama.

am i dumb, or am i dumb?

i'm pretty dumb.

i'm so desperate to not to my homework that i'll make myself find other things to do. i'm an avoider apparently. if there's something i don't like, i avoid it, instead of directly confronting the issue.

but if it bothers me enough, i can get pretty scary. which scares some people. cuz they're like, what? u can be mean?

hahahaha. i can be EXTREMELY mean. do not underestimate my inner evilness.

i painted my nails for the first time in...a few years. but i decided to just do my toenails for now. fingernails grow too fast..and they chip...and i hate having long nails...so...bad relationship. haha.

i'm talking about the most randomest things. goodness. but what can i do? such is the state of my mind...constantly...chronically...

i got a haircut like last week. it's nice. much better on me than the first time i chopped everything off. i got side bangs and layers layers layers.

i look older...which i really don't mind. perhaps now i look my age, haha.

i'm growing! my goal was to make five foot six, and i only have half an inch more to go. who would believe i was only four foot nine in seventh grade? MUAHAHAHAAAA.........

COMEBACK OF THE...dork?? or...small squeaky people? bc now i am neither small nor squeaky...<<as much...or much less than before...haha.

actually, i forgot people used to make fun of my voice until i went to the conference in June and people were like ur voice is so high! i was like oh...people at home were commenting on how it got slightly lower...

heeee.

sometimes i get weirded out from myself...

Fly-B is coming home tomorrow! ...even if beanpole is going hardcore v-ball...

Monday, July 28, 2008

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 00:25:51 GMT

soooo TODAY i went to the Philadelphia Outlets. shopping!!!!!! i haven't gone shopping in many moons. too many moons.

i did go shopping briefly at anthropologie a few weeks ago...but i only got a cardigan and a dress.

today, however, i went a liiiiitttlee CRAZYyyyyyyyyy...

so.
i got:
socks
pair of khaki shorts from GAP
two pairs of amazing jeans from J.Crew
a wallet (coach)
a fat-striped adorable tunic from FRENCH CONNECTION ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
AMAZING shoes from neiman marcus MUAHAHAAA
two t-shirts from J.Crew
a really cool black top from GAP
and a really happy feeling though my back and feet hurt, haha.
oh happy day.

and i've updated my iPod recently, so it's all good. i've added and subtracted many things. i gotta subtract a lot of beatles stuff some more though. some of their songs r tooooo countrified. ew. ew. ew. ew. ew.

i'm getting my senior portrait thingy done on the fifth. wow. do i feel old, or what?

yes, i'm hyper. reason? don't kno. don't ask. haha.

SARAH U JERK. ...ur leaving...
sigh. but at least i'll be more motivated to do some summer homework.
my mom is nagging me like she'll never get to nag again. ever. sigh.
i miss GYLC people. my nick and seany...and my girly vern. and chipmunk derick. and isabelle...

i gotta stay on top of my game. = i can't slack now. all that work will have been for nothing.

my dad is major mid-life crisis. ANNOYING...in his serious, 44 yr-old way.

...i love my new shoes...especially cuz i paid for them...and they were 20 percent off...haha. go me!!!

totoro...totoro...

my new color is green. it used to be yellow, but it's turning into green. and maybe a little purple/magenta.

i'm getting hair issues again. i gotta do some major research...AGAIN. phew. that takes so much energy.

WOWOWOWOWOWOWWWW.

goodbye.