youarentbenjami's Xanga

BK SICK

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 00:10:54 GMT

Holy shit this is so insane. I haven't written in this thing since I was getting dominated by depression. I stole so much fucking shit when I was depressed you have no idea. No seriously, you have no idea. I hope I can make this private because what if my parents find this. Bummer.

I still want to ride my bike with Kriss for a long time though.

Me and Katie are still going out and it's almost a year. A YEAR. I can hardly believe that. I never ever thought I'd ever be able to be with a girl for a year. Crazy.

Well, we got signed. Everyone who reads this already knew that. It just feels good typing it. Too bad it will only last for another year and a half and then college is gonna take over my life. Sometimes I wish I could put my life on hold and just ride out the band for longer, but I know I would regret that in the end. I'd be in college when I'm 29 and be really bummed. Plus Katie probably wouldn't go for that. Even though she's gonna be gone and in college. I wonder if we'll stay together. I hope so but sometimes it seems like that would be impossible. She'd be home on some weekends, but we'd probly have shows. Christmas break, we tour. I kinda foresee it causing a lot of stress on our relationship. But I think it'll work out.

Jesse and Seth need to get happier. Jesse is better looking than me so I don't see what his problem is. Seth is smarter than me so he's about to be set for life. But who am I to talk. I know what they're going through, kind of. As long as they dont break into buildings and trainhop and hitchhike it'll be fine.

We are getting so many sponsorships. Cheap gear...awesome.

Peace.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 13:45:22 GMT

omfg i can't wait for my explosion of emotions to come out in physical form. it's gonna tear down my family and friends.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 02:40:48 GMT

i don't like it when people say they wont ever find the person they're supposed to marry. it's just them trying to get attention. honestly...look at the people in this world who have gotten married. my old piano teacher when i was 6 or 7...ugliest lady in the freaking world, totally had sex tons of times with her husband. but honestly, don't say that, because it's lame.

i don't have the right things to say to anyone to make them want me. i'm a friend to everyone, but nothing more. i've said in the past that i want to move away to another state, even another country, but that isn't what i want. i don't want to "move" anywhere, i want to move everywhere. i don't want to have a house, or apartment. i wanna fit whatever i can into my backback and get on my bike next to chris and his stuffed backpack, and i want us to ride our bikes on highway 24 west until it ends somewhere in missouri, then flip a coin and if it lands heads we'll go north, tails we'll go south. i usually flip tails, so we'd be in texas soon.

it's fucking stupid because it won't happen. it will happen. but it won't happen how i want it to. eventually i'll have to return to my friends that i love, but can live without. there's only a few i'd die for. i think it's crazy if you have a ton of people you'd give your life for. who are you trying to be, some sort of hero? i take medicine. nothing. and it's fucking stupid because it won't happen how i want it to.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 05:53:43 GMT

it's been like, 9 months since i've written in this thing. i only wrote in it twice. i'm so awesome. no one even knows i have one of these. it's gonna be more serious than my livejournal i think. that being said, i really want to find a long term girlfriend. the only problem is, i still want to be able to be best friends with sam. i don't think any girl would let me hang out with sam as much as i do and still be in a relationship with them.

i want to be in love with God, but i don't think i can be. i'm too selfish.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 22:10:11 GMT

i had sex 4,657,981 times last night. seriously. but not really.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 12:58:31 GMT

the cleaning lady came yesterday at 9 am and i didnt have to be at
school till 11. i'm a mighty big fan of making people feel as awkward
as possible, in the forms of staring at them and not looking away, of
rubbing myself in public, and in this case, of walking around in skimpy
boxers and eating a gigantic bowl of overflowing life cereal while
listening to "lean on me" for 2 hours straight and trying to sing and
spilling milk and life cereal all over me while the cleaning lady is
here. oh yeah and it was the 80's version too. so that was my day
pretty much yesterday. oh and band practice. we have 2 screamers now.
thats one more than before. this xanga thing is lame. i am napoleon dynamite.