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| No end in sight.Hey!
So I haven't written anything in awhile. Let me update, those that do read this still and haven't heard what I've been up to.
I worked at a camp called Camp Mel Trotter this summer. It was sweet. Most of the kids that go are from the inner city areas of Grand Rapids, Muskegon, & Battle Creek. I learned a lot about loving people. It was....it was good. Maybe I'll give a ;more in depth explanation of my summer there someday.
Now I'm back at school. And if you really haven't talked to me in awhile I go to Spring Arbor University, and I'm studying music. It's really stressful. I chose to accompany this year, which was a bad decision. I know that I need to work on this skill because I haven't and it's an important one for a pianist! So that's why I thought it'd be a good idea...but it hasn't been such a good one so far. Just because I have so much music to learn for the lessons! It's crazy!!!!
And with that.....
I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
it sucks.
I don't know what else to say about what's going on in my life right now...because not much else is happening.
So yeah that's all.
Talk to you soon!
Jessi
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| Ouch.Have you ever thought that if you're just "good enough" or "pretty
enough" or "..... enough" you won't get hurt anymore? I totally think
like that a lot. But then I realized Jesus was hurt, mucho. So what
makes me think that I can escape life still intact? Hahaha, "still
intact" when God has called me to be broken. This one's short, but I
wanted to share with you what God has taught me lately because I think
it's a golden nugget.
We're in this together! (Praise the Lord, I can't do it alone! ;) )
Glory and Love to the Only God above...Jesus.
Jessi
What I mean by this...
I have fallen under the dillusion that if I work hard enough to be a
good, sister/daughter/friend/student/pianist whatever it is that I am,
then I will escape from pain. But that's not true, Jesus was perfect
and He was a man of constant sorrow. So, I being a fallible will
experience a multitude of grief in my lifetime. Especially since the
One who is infallible experienced it.
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| Do you know what LOVE is?I’ve been hearing a lot about broken families lately, no wait, not even just that broken relationships lately. It seems to me ( from my outside perspective, and I’m probably saying words I will later regret) that they’re all missing the bigger picture of LOVE, yeah I know it’s super corny. But then again I’m not speaking about the cheesy "romantic comedy" ( otherwise known as a chik flik) type love, because that’s really not a good example of love. I’m writing about the love the Lord Jesus Christ has for all of His creation. Some people may have a picture that comes to mind of a very cautious meek man that is almost afraid to proclaim His love for His lovers. But that’s so not true! I’m getting off track...how does Jesus love? I think that’s an important question, especially because as Christians we are called to be like Him, which would mean to LOVE like Him. (If you’re reading this and you’re not a Christian then you may not understand this, but if ya’d like to talk message me.) That kind of love is self-sacrificing 1 Cor. 13:5. It (love) doesn’t care how many times you’ve broken it’s heart and beat it facedown into the mud, also 1 Cor. 13:5. So why, WHY, are people sitting around demanding that so and so do this and that or they won’t love them anymore? WHY am I hearing of families requiring acts of self-sacrifice because they are a family, when the people comanding this don’t sacrifice or they decide they have sacrificed enough it’s the other’s turn to do so now. That’s NOT love, you can’t expect something in return for the GIFT you’ve given. Well, you can but you will get hurt, if not now eventually, and when you expect something in return it’s not a gift anymore. When you love someone, truly, you give of yourself and expect nothing in return. I’m sorry, but I need to go back to Jesus here. He gave Himself and expects nothing in return, I mean He wants us to return to Him and it breaks His heart if we don’t. But when He died He had to have known that some people would never accept His gift. Ouch, I think He has claim to worst broken heart ever. So, for me, it’s not too hard to decide that love is giving of myself until there is nothing left to give and letting God take my broken body and squeeze more love out of it, expecting nothing in return. Please forgive me if I have sounded harsh or rude, that’s not my intent at all. If I have, please let me know in grace, so that next time by grace I won’t. Thanks! Glory and love to the only God above, Jessi *I don’t mean to sound like I know everything about loving people. I don’t, there are still so many things God is teaching me about loving people. This is just my frustrations with society about this subject. | | |
| *Sigh*, roll your eyes.So a friend of mine asked me tonight what my most recent plans for life were, they change a lot. I told him that I was getting my Assoc. in piano ped. and a BA in music. After that I would get a full time job and each piano, and a little while after I have paid off a substantial ( the specific amount to be decided later) amount of my loans, I would go back to school this time for clothing design or something of the like. With the goal in mind to open my own buisness, oh and I would minor in buisness here at SAU. The only problem is, I don't want to decide yet. I don't want to chain myself down yet with deciding " " is what I'm going to do, Lord willing. Is that bad? I feel like I should just do a little bit of growing up and make a decision. Am I too old for these games? There are other parts too. By the time I graduate from SAU my parents will be in their mid to late fifties, that means they'll be close to retiring. Their planning on selling the house in the future, if not while I'm in school soon after, and I don't want to live with them in their old age and be a burden. I didn't want to graduate from college and go right to being a "serious" adult, working nine to five and all that jazz. But I know that sometimes we don't get to live all of our dreams,maybe this is one I won't get to experience. Wait...I have exams next week. I can't think about this right now. God I give it to You. Thank You for being in control, and knowing what will happen, preparing me for it, and loving me anyways. Thank You for always providing for whatever occurs, and walking with me through it all. Thank You, love You! Peace, and God bless! Jessi | | |
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