| | my brother's been acting funny. he came downstairs the second i walked through the door tonight and hugged me in the kitchen for a long long time. i could tell he's thinking about things, or that he's realized something. but those thoughts came a little later after i cleared the air:
"You been drinking?" I ask, my voice sounds squished because his arm is around it.
"No." comes the answer.
"You on drugs?" squishy voice asks.
"No."
"You swear?"
"Yeah, I swear. I'm glad you're home." he says, all mystical sounding.
"Yeah, but I've come home lots of times and you didn't do this." I know exactly what's going on.
"I think I figured out what love is. And it makes me come downstairs and hug you."
He sat on the kitchen counter and I cut up brie cheese and toasted bagels. He asks me about what I had been doing, he grilled me about school and after this and that he finally got to his point, (mind the french):
"Am I a fuck-up?"
And that just hung in the air for awhile and I said, "No."
"Are mom and dad frustrated with me?"
and I said, "Sometimes. When you do frustrating things."
"I do fucked-up things but I'm not a fuck-up?" he's honestly asking.
"Well," I'm pulling all the wisdom in my head together for such a loaded question as this. "People do fucked-up things and don't learn from them or change them. That makes them fucked-up. If you did fucked-up things and didn't change the way you are, then you'd be fucked up. Hey, I'm sick of saying the f-word."
"Yeah me too. Let's quit it."
So we drop that for sake of example and I try to go on.
"I guess there's a difference between being frustrating and doing things that frustrate people."
He tells me how he hates school and is motivated by nothing but music and his girlfriend.
I told him he should get out of town and figure himself out a bit before he gets started on anything.
Doesn't life surprise you? When you're bored and busy wondering if any of those strangers at school are going to talk to you, or if anything in your life will enchant you again and suddenly your brother is hugging you in the kitchen. Things change again and it's good.
Where's God in this? That's always my question at the end of the day.
I don't know yet. But hindsight's coming. So is eloquence. Wait for it, it's coming.
Sorry about the f-word.
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| | Posted 11/3/2006 5:46 AM - 2 views - 2 comments
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