It's been a long time...

....I shouldnt have left you without a dope beat to step to!!!!

My life at a glance. I am now a college graduate! I earned my Bachelors of Science in Biology with a Pre-med concentration. I need a job. I dunno what I am going to be doing for the next year. I moved to a new city with my mom....Im back at home...yuck! lol Its not so bad. Ok gotta go! Be back later!!!

Ok so I am back!!! Ummmm ok so I was watching Tyra the other day and there was an episode about a matter that affects the black community. LIGHT SKIN VS DARK SKIN....its sad but Mr. Lynch has really messed us up. Reflecting on comments from a "light skinned" girl, it saddened me to know that it is very true. She said that some women would just say to her things like "You aren't even that cute!" as if she had said something about herself being cute in the first place. WHY MUST WE HATE ON EACH OTHER???? Now, my ranking in the light skinned dark skinned world is a lil uncertain to me. I am not light-bright-and-darn-near-white type of light but I am quite a ways from super sweet blackberry juice kinda dark. I guess I am on the darker side of the light skinned scale....or "just light enough" as I was told in 6th grade by my fairskinned woman that was my bestfriends mother. That being said, it REALLY bothers me. So the other day I walked into Walmart. All I wanted was a memory card for my camera. I was mad at no one. I was not feeling superior to anyone. I was just minding my own business. I walk past a Chocolate chick and I noticed that the bright green tee-shirt she was wearing complimented her skin tone quite well with a quick glance. Not a stare, not a glare, she just happened to be in my eye sight. It wasn't until I saw her face twist up and a grim came my way for no apparent reason. At first, I shook it off as me perhaps being paranoid but something in me burned my back and I turned to see her mouth something to the tune of "Why was she looking at me like that?" along with a stare that looked more like I had just socked her mama. WHY MUST WE BE THIS WAY!!! I don't want to be one of those girls that yell out how girls are such haters and blah blah blah but my goodness.....ladies don't prove me wrong...please. It seems like here lately,....and its probably because I am back in the city, I have been getting grimmed quite often. I have been trying to convince myself that these people look me up and down because they are looking at my feet to see if I am wearing heels or if I really am that tall....and often times I think that is just the case. But when the up and down looks end with a ..."you aint that cute anyway" look it bothers me. This is NOT the first time I have been accused of dirty looks. (lol Jessica) But seriously, this has got to stop!!! Why must we tear each other down in order to build ourselves up??? If I am "not that cute anyway," why waste your time making sure that you make that known??? Here is another example, I was at a funeral.....yes a funeral people, and a man dropped to the floor in a seizure. I, being trained in First Aid immediately went to work to remove all of the things near him to make sure that he wouldnt injure himself and here comes an angry Almond Joy (I would have said Mounds but apparently she felt like a nut) and tells me, "Don't push me!" Mind you....I never touched the woman, I happened to be a pretty light skinned girl who knew what the she was doing and I guess beauty and brains are quite offensive. Who would have thought? What I don't understand is WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME??? How can you just place your preconceived notions and your ideas of beauty and selfworth and blame that on me???? Why do I have to be attacked for simply being? Before I thought it was a personal attack, I thought it was something about me. But watching the show made me realize that I am not alone...it was comforting oddly enough. I wish people would stop making split decisions on the character of others based on looks.....Is it just me?

For a day...

So I let people get to me for a day. I had a moment of weakness for a day. But as I wrote the blog it made me really think. I am who I am. If you don't like who I am, if you don't like the way I look, if you don't approve of the way I dress, if you don't approve of the way I am friends with other people.......thats YOUR ISSUE. I LOVE ME AND IM FINE WITH THE WAY GOD MADE ME AND I LOVE MY STYLE, SCARF OR NO SCARF, AND I AM A-OK WITH MY FRIENDSHIPS!!!! It is not my duty to live up to YOUR expectations. If you do not LIKE ME, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!! Im freakin awesome, if you don't like it, tuff!

Shoottttttttttttttttttttttt lol

Hard times...

Recently, I haven't been able to let people comments roll off of me. Its like every mean thing that someone says to me stings and it seems like the mean things are coming in like waves on a shore. It burns like alcohol on a fresh cut. I've worked really hard on maintaing good self-esteem because at one point, I let the world dictate who I was. I went through a time where I did everything that I could to please other people and most times, they would never be pleased anyway. I really don't understand why people are so mean! I am not the type of person to just put someone else down, just for the hell of it. I'm not sure if its my confidence that makes people think that I am unbreakable. I am probably one of the nicest people you'll meet. I would give you the shirt off of my back if need be. If anyone ever needs me, Im there. No questions asked. I just don't understand why I am feeling so attacked. After one person....ok I can deal. But it seems like I keep taking shot after shot and its making me weaker. I am a VERY sensitive person. I don't wan't to say that my feelings get hurt easily but they definately are  not immune to being bruised. Sometimes I think it is jealousy. Some people see me doing well and they try to break my spirits. I am always trying to encourage people not to care what other people think and not to compare yourself to anyone because you can never live up to anyones expectations but your own. That being said, sometimes people can say some really hurtful things and its hard to just brush them off. I wish I could say that this stuff doesn't bother me but it's taking its toll and it hurts.

It's been a while....

I haven't really been on here in a hot minute and my oh my have things changed. It took me like 5 minutes to figure out how to make a new entry.

A Models Life:

So things are starting to pop off on the modeling front. I was just chosen to be in my first real runway show. Im so excited about that, The show is on Thursday and I slipped on the stupid ice today so Im praying that the swelling is down by then. Im so excited about that.

A Students Life:

My last semester has been quite interesting. I am enjoying the content in most of my classes and my grades seem to be agreeing with me. I just got a 66 out of 64 on my exam!!! Thats 100+% woop woop. I still have no idea where I will be attending next year but hopefully over break I can spend some time working on apps.

A Human Life:

I am great! A little stressed but that just keep me working at the optimal level. Im happy though. There may be a few major changes on the home front. I hope that everything works out! I wanted to talk about some deeper things but I think I will wait....

See me morph into Beyonce Knowles!