youngrichfamous's Xanga

Monday, June 30, 2008

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:25:19 GMT

I said, Hell is so close and Heaven's out of reach

Okay I just realised this place's been stagnating, I promise I'll update tomorrow with C-Africa pictures and reflections/what not!

When you're moving on from where we left off and I'm starting over, where do we go from here?

Friday, June 20, 2008

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:14:37 GMT

Funny how I thought I'd be happier coming back at the start; funny how I grew to get used/love(?) Africa gradually, funny how I thought I was ready to come back, funny how I cried the moment I got back. Sometimes our minds work in strange ways, and its weird that I have so many thoughts running through my head now and yet I can't put a single one down in words, coherently. Okay maybe I'll try

C-Africa'08 was

an experience.

That's all,

and right now if anyone tells me they are screwed for blocks, all the deserve is a big slap across their face. Unless they've been to Africa too for the past 17 days and like me, have chem bio math econs to study for in their entirety.

I'm sorry if I don't sound like me, right now I feel like I

left

(too much)

of me in Africa.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sun, 25 May 2008 12:05:37 GMT

Back to the street, down to our feet
Losing the feeling of feeling unique

So many words get lost. They leave the mouth and lose their courage, wandering aimlessly until they are swept into the gutter like dead leaves. On rainy days you can hear their chorus rushing past: IwasabeautifulgirlPleasedon’tgoItoobelievemybodyismadeofglassI’veneverlovedanyoneIthinkofmyselfasfunnyForgive me…

There was a time when it wasn’t uncommon to use a piece of string to guide words that otherwise might falter on the way to their destinations. Shy people carried a little bundle of string in their pockets, but people considered loudmouths had no less need for it, since those used to being overheard by everyone were often at a loss for how to make themselves heard by someone. The physical distance between two people using a string was often small; sometimes the smaller the distance, the greater the need for the string.

The practice of attaching cups to the ends of the string came much later. Some say it is related to the irrepressible urge to press shells to our ears, to hear the still-surviving echo of the world’s first expression. Others say it was started by a man who held the end of a string that was unraveled across the ocean by a girl who left for America.

When the world grew bigger, and there wasn’t enough string to keep the things people wanted to say from disappearing into the vastness, the telephone was invented.

Sometimes no length of string is long enough to say the thing that needs to be said. In such cases all the string can do, in whatever its form, is conduct a person’s silence.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Sun, 11 May 2008 10:25:11 GMT

Sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like someone else's memory

Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can turn around and betray us, and total stranges can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.

But you know what? There are a people I trust even though it eludes me why. Maybe its the blind faith I'm putting in them in hopes that I'm right; or maybe its because they've entrusted me with a part of them and I somehow feel like I have to reciprocate. There are a thousand maybes; a thousand reasons why. I spend a lot of time looking for reasons and answers, but you just can't find what's not there.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Fri, 02 May 2008 10:50:35 GMT

Cos all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday

Okay after wallowing in self-pity for like a few hours just now, I felt better so I went to eat haha then I threw up again then I went to read The Road by Cormac McCarthy again. It's a brilliant book, it really is.

He mistrusted all of that. He said the right dreams for a man in peril were dreams of peril and all else was the call of languor and of death. He slept little and he slept poorly. He dreamt of walking in a flowering wood where birds flew before them he and the child and the sky was aching blue but he was learning how to wake himself from just such siren worlds. Lying there in the dark with the uncanny taste of a peach from some phantom orchard fading in his mouth. He thought if he lived long enough the world at last would all be lost. Like the dying world the newly blind inhabit, all of it slowly fading from memory.

The frailty of everything revealed at last. Old and troubling issues resolved into nothingness and night. The last instance of a thing takes the class with it. Turns out the light and is gone. Look around you. Ever is a long time. But the boy knew what he knew. That ever is no time at all.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Fri, 02 May 2008 08:38:02 GMT

Laughing with your broken eyes (when the stars go blue)

I'm sick, again. It started on Monday, I threw up everything I ate, it continued into Tuesday, and then Wednesday I didn't eat anything after lunch, Thursday I ate porridge the whole day and still threw up. Today I went to school, ate recess, came home, ate porridge and promptly threw up again. Now I know what Hell feels like. I lost 1.5kg out of the 3.5kg I put on from the start of the year but somehow it doesn't seem like a very good way to lose it and moreover now I can't train.

But to a certain extent I wish I'd stayed in school rather than come home and sleep. The house's empty - my dad's in Jakarta, my mom's at work and my brother's in the army, and there's a certain blindless about the lack of people. It makes me feel alone and destitute and hopeless. And anyhow, there's lots of junk food in the fridge and my control = zero cos I open the fridge like a million times a day so I ended up making my throat worse.

Someone save me, I don't know what I'm doing to myself.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 13:03:51 GMT

Just watch the fireworks

I haven't updated in a long while. I've been good recently but seems like everyone around me's crumbling in one way or another. This sadness, this darkness, it makes me feel helpless and yet alive all at once. Helpless because I see my good friends lingering and languishing in this darkness and I don't know what I can do about it; alive because pain and darkness always spell of something to look forward to eventually.The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognise that every day won't be sunny. But when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember it's only in the black of night that you can see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So, don't be afraid to make mistakes. To stumble and fall. Cos most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe, you'll get more than you ever could've imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long. And in the end, the journey is the destination.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 10:27:12 GMT

These angels they burn inside for us,
(and these devils they burn inside of us)

Today's been mildly productive I..looked through math tutorials? Did econs tutorial and sorted out my file. Then I watched TV but hey, I deserve a break for doing all that math and filing haha. Oh and today I had a lovely lunch(: Weekends are the time for binge-eating, ice-cream and double/triple dinners.): I'd a good week till Thursday when I fell sick and got a stomachache. I haven't been feeling well these four days. On a brighter note, I'm taking napfa with the team i.e IPUs won't be so soon i.e. I have more time to get back to the weight I was when I did trials cos apparently the heavier you are the harder it is to do IPUs.

It was one and a half in five, and two in four, make it three and half in seven.

I'm not making sense anymore/

How do you know when you miss someone? And when do you trulystart to miss someone, anyway? When you've just left him five seconds ago (and you know you'll see him in a day), or when you know he's gonna be gone for three months? Do you know you miss someone when that person's always on your mind, or when you wake up and something's not quite right as you go about your everyday chores, because thedoor'sopenthetoothpaste'snotsqueezedfromthebottomthetowel'sgoneandtheroomisempty? The list goes on, really. It's really the smallest things that make me realise I miss my brother.

Tomorrow,

is a special day.

What would you say if i asked you not to go, to forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me?
Would you take my hand and never let me go? (Promise me you'll never let me go/)

And the stars aren't out tonight, but neither are we to look up at them.
Why does hello feel like goodbye?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 12:49:49 GMT

You're the honey and the moon
That lights up my night

What do you do when you're sad? Do you call a friend? Do you write a song about it? Or do you store the sadness away somewhere, for some other sad day? The ability to relieve past emotional states is both an aptitude and a curse. It's a curse because it doesn't allow you to get on with your life. Every cut, every bruise, every rejection yields a harvest which is then stored. The pain is kept on ice and can be relied upon to taste as fresh as the day it was first inflicted.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 23:27:11 GMT

I'll save the best for you

OMFG FUBAR. Today is SATURDAY. On Thursday I told myself I'm gonna do math. But I was sick. On Friday morning I said I'd do math. But I got home at 11. FUCK. GO ZHUOXUAN. There's still friendlies later and dinner with timothy maybe?! FUCK LA. HAHAHAA.