| | Hey Lily Lam, I'm thinking of you while writing this... Remember?!?!
When I first moved out of my parents house and into college I partied. A Lot. A Lot. A Lot. Once I went to a small party and I spotted a guy who I thought was really good looking. I couldn't believe my stars when he finally came over to talk to me. But as the night ended I thought that was the end of that. Until lucky me I find out that he's the long time best friend of my new best friend. So to my delight we had lots of opportunities to hang out. He was always quiet, the one who stood in the corner while everyone sat in a circle. Nonetheless he was nice to me and I could tell he tried to make small talk with me, even at parties where lots of girls were throwing themselves all over him. He was older, he was cool, and he was good looking. That was good enough for me back in those days.
One time at an after party everyone was already drunk but continued to drink more. I was buzzed that night and excited to be hanging with the big boys. He was there and definitely coming on to me. Maybe it was the alcohol or the crowd but he was not quiet nor shy anymore. I could tell the other guys, who I was closer with and even saw as my big brothers, weren't liking it and tried to keep us apart. But finally he pulled me into the kitchen away from everyone and into a closet-like room. Embarrassing to admit, but I had my first kiss that night. Forget kiss, I had my first (and last) drunken make-out session that night. I had refused to go any further than that despite his pleas and demands. Thank G because everything went downhill from that night.
Ever since then the guy became a complete jackass. He wasn't the quiet guy anymore, instead he was like the predator, all over all the girls at all the parties. And the thing was because he was the long time best friend of my new best friend, I saw him constantly on a regular basis. He was particularly mean always bossing me around and telling me I was not cool or not his type as if I was begging to be his girlfriend (I most certainly was not!). And he was only doing it to me! He singled me out from everyone. He would be especially nice to my friends until they took up my side against him and then he would turn on them too. He tried so hard to get with some my girl friends (sadly this changed some of my friendships) and I swear he would be looking at me to make sure I saw him when he was flirting up some other girl.
I most certainly freaked out! My first kiss ever and it was to a complete jackass! I regretted it so much and was so mad at myself. I was constantly calling my best friends to update them on the latest game the jackass was playing.I hated him. I hated him. I hated him. Then... one day, he just moved away. Stopped going to our school and moved back home. Good riddance.
I've changed a lot since then.
I recently ran into him at a series of parties at which I ignored him. I'm not mad at him the way I used to be nor am I mad at myself. I simply stopped caring, it wasn't a big deal anymore. Still, I wasn't particularly fond of him.
The last night of the series of parties we were more or less alone in a large room. He was on the other side of the room but he walked over to me and started small talk. I responded but wasn't interested. Then he APOLOGIZED for what happened over 2 years ago! He also told me he has a greater respect for me because I didn't give in. He then told me that he knew I hated him and that if I had anything to say to him that I should just be honest and say it because he felt bad and wanted to clear the air.
I told him I've changed. I didn't care about it anymore, it was so long ago. Still, he insisted I tell him how I felt. Funny, when I said, "people changed" I was referring to myself but he thanked me because he thought I meant that HE had changed. I finally told him I hated him not because of that night but because of the way he acted to me after wards. He didn't deny it. "Why?" I demanded. Because he was embarrassed and ashamed and didn't know how to handle it. So like a child he took it out on me. Again, he apologized. I gladly accepted his apology.
The air has been finally cleared. I felt so liberated. Even though it was so long ago and means nothing to me being the person I am today. It just felt good. Like the little innocent version of me was bullied and forgotten but finally finally FREE. And I am sooo glad the first guy I ever kissed isn't a COMPLETE jackass. I sure know how to choose them huh? :)
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| | Posted 7/14/2008 3:34 AM - 100 views - 8 comments
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