1. Do people ever really get over their first love? Or just…

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Posted by: youngvan Original: 7/15/2008 12:27 AM Views: 264 Comments: 16 eProps: 32 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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2 eProps from: lala_land86 alpine_white whatyourBFreallythinks Newplay1 PFYang n3ssaac vi3TbOiNoYou JL789 honam44 ibizajb Sweet_Psycho44 LegendaryPanda84 DDBoy06 lb4yb3e c_est_la_vie_mon_amie tiffanynguyenlieu

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

1. Do people ever really get over their first love? Or just even an ex that they spend years with? Do people REALLY ever get over them enough to give themselves away completely to a new love? No? Is that the right answer? Because even if you are with someone new, there is no denying those nights you reflect on your past and it hurts. No amount of love from a new person can take that pain away. So do people hold on forever in some small hidden part of their hearts?

2. Everyone has an upgrade mentality. Whoever you are going to be with has to be better than the person you were with previously. And as an ex, don't you want to feel that you are better than the person your ex is currently with? But what if their new boyfriend/girlfriend is better than you? And how does it feel knowing who you are with now could not possibly compare to your ex?

3. Is it okay to settle for someone else if the person you really love doesn't love you back?

4. Or how does it feel knowing everyone liked the ex more? How much does it hurt to be the 2nd rate rebound?

5. Do you love someone for who they are or do you love them because they love you? If you're the first... then do you continue loving them even if they stopped loving you or never did to begin with?

6. What's worst? Being with someone who is physically faithful to you but secretly loves someone else more or being with someone who loves you but physically cheats on you (while drunk)?

7. Would you ever lie to someone you loved? If you knew the truth would hurt them? If you knew the truth would hurt you?

8. What do you think about being with someone out of obligation (and not pure love)? Such as making up for hurting them in the past, family obligation, financial obligation/dependency, accidental pregnancies?

9. What makes you stay and work it out rather than packing up and leaving? What's considered a deal breaker? How do you know if you're saving yourself by leaving or staying?

10. Is love REALLY greater than all temptations, distances, and obstacles?

11. What if you've lost "the one?" At what lengths do you go to get them back? Or under what circumstances do you forgive "the one" if they've wronged you beyond repair?

12. What do you think of plastic surgery?

Posted 7/15/2008 12:27 AM - 264 views - 16 comments

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16 Comments

wow..so many questions =]

Posted 7/15/2008 1:38 AM by lala_land86

- reply

love and plastic surgery. your neurons make some, uh, interesting connections.

Posted 7/15/2008 2:11 AM by alpine_white - reply

Visit whatyourBFreallythinks's Xanga Site!

1. Yes you do... Time and space do wonders...Move on...

2. The the only upgrading you should be doing is on yourself... If you don't upgrade yourself with knowledge and self-esteem, no new significant other will ever be good enough... Typical gold digger mentality...

3. Lame...Lame... LAME...Why would you ever stay in a relationship where the other person didn't love you or put as much effort into it as you are?

4. Who fucking cares? The only person that the person needs to be compatible with is you...

5. You love someone for who they are BECAUSE they love you...

6. Drinking is no excuse...If they can't control themselves while they drink, they shouldn't be drinking to begin with... Someone should be faithful in mind and body...No exceptions...Try keeping your standards up...

7. You shouldn't ever put yourself in a situation where you would have to lie or hold back... If you think that by doing something you'd have to lie if asked about it later, you probably shouldn't do it...If you do it anyways, you really don't care about what the other person feels anyways so just break up with them and be happy that you aren't tied down...

8. Staying with someone out of obligation is worse than cheating... That's saying, "I'm doing this because I owe you, not because I want this..." If you don't want it, why do it?

9. You don't...It's either in you or it isn't...Why stay in a relationship for security? That's a fucking coward...

10. Yes it is...Real love is anyways...However, your first love should be yourself...The only exception to that would be for your children...

11. The "one" is really more like "twenty or thirty"...You will always find someone more compatible with you than the last...The hard part is the time inbetween...I would suggest putting that time inbetween into yourself...

12. Plastic surgery is the most superficial disgusting thing known to man...Learn to live with shit you can't control and put that money into something useful like property or something with a future...

Posted 7/15/2008 3:13 AM by whatyourBFreallythinks - reply

Good night - sleep well!

Hmm fake boobies or real ones, that is the question :D

Posted 7/15/2008 7:31 AM by Newplay1 - reply

hmm you remember that guy i wrote about in my July 3rd...well that was my ex of 2 yrs..then we stayed friends for another 2 yrs..and things still weren't going ok..so here i am talking to a new guy who can be a potential..well when it comes to ex bf/gf...eventually when you find someone else..you really dont think about them often...because your mind is occupied with this new guy..who is totally wayy better..and love..seriously...if it is really love..it develops over time..so just have fun with the other person...well atleast that is what i'm doing..

Posted 7/15/2008 9:03 AM by PFYang - reply

some of these questions are really hard! i didn't think i'd ever get over my first love. we have been broken up for 7 years. last time i saw him, i realized that i am finally over him. he's not the same person i knew when we were in hs. i think with anything, time heals all wounds ... but there may be a tiny tiny scar left behind.

Posted 7/15/2008 9:41 AM by n3ssaac - reply

some difficult questions to answer!

but here's an answer for one of your questions.. it's a quote from a book I read recently "The Last Lecture"

10. “….the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people…..Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”

Posted 7/15/2008 2:01 PM by vi3TbOiNoYou - reply

So many loaded questions!
White lies are needed sometimes, but not full out lies. That's not acceptable to me.

Posted 7/15/2008 2:19 PM by JL789 - reply

plastic surgery iz kool if u feel like ur kool w/ it. its alwayz the layers behind the shell that impresses me!! =D and well....daymn the rest of those are really tuff. i want everything!! i wanna answer like whaturbfreallythinks except...u never know until it happens!!! =P

Posted 7/15/2008 4:33 PM by honam44 - reply

1. I don't think you ever get over your first love. I think you always carry them with you but i think people 'carry' them differently.

2. As you get order you gain me experience in life so it makes you more mentally prepared.

3. I think a lot of people are just content with who they are with. I'd rather be lonely than just be content.

4.Hmmm i dont think thats ever happened to me. lol =P

5. You love them for who they are of coure!

6. Err that's hard to answer.

7. Hmm, yes if i had to.

8. Refer to #3. =)

9. I think people usually know when enough is enough.

10. It should be but a lot of times it isn't. =(

11. If they were "the one" they would've never left. =P

12. Only if you were in some kind of horrific accident and you needed reconstructive surgery.

Ryc: oh yea i've been to that place before for a wedding.

Posted 7/15/2008 4:37 PM by ibizajb

- reply

Wow, lots of questions. Well, summing up the answers to all of them: I think the key is that you have to learn how to separate your relationships as segments of your life. Example, once you have moved on to someone new, your ex needs to become a past segment of your life. Reflecting occasionally on the good times you had and objectively learning from the pain that you experienced with them is the only way to be in a new healthy relationship. If you're still pining away because of an old lover, then you are NOT ready for a new relationship. You can't compare the people you date to the people you have dated, and no one else should either. I know everyone does subconsciously, but if you're actively saying to yourself, "I wonder if I'm settling?" or "Is he as good as my ex?" you're automatically setting the relationship up for failure. You don't want to be sitting there being the one who is compared to your loved one's ex, so you should never do that to the person you're dating either. In the end, I think people often jump into a new relationship thinking that it will heal the wounds from the last one. But if you are still allowing yourself to hurt for that past relationship, you're not ready to put yourself all the way into something new. ^_^

Posted 7/15/2008 4:59 PM by Sweet_Psycho44 - reply

shut up, you never got over me

ryc: thanks! took me a while to choose a fitting playlist (aka i just got lazy and threw everything that sounded good together)

Posted 7/15/2008 7:43 PM by LegendaryPanda84

- reply

1. You won't forget but you'll find someone new

2. Unless he is making her unhappy or cheating on her then I'll have to do something. Otherwise her happiness is all that matter

3. Yes, you move on. No point in loving someone that doesn't love you back

4. Who cares what other think, your with the person you love and only he/she matter.

5. I love them for who they are. There is no point being in a relationship when it is one sided. The truth will come out sooner or later. Otherwise you end up cheating on them

6. Someone that loves loves you but thinking of someone else. Once you find out, you'll be devastated.

7. Yes I would but eventually I will tell them the truth. truth hurts and if there is no trust and honesty, the relationship will soon fail

8. Well you have to do what is best for you, your just hurting yourself more by staying with someone that isn't making you happy.

9. Even if you work it out but if the same problems arises you just have to move on.

10. Sometimes and sometimes it isn't. It all depend on how much you love the S.O.

11. Never have lost the one so I don't know yet

12. I mean if a lady want to change herself for the better then so be it.

Posted 7/15/2008 11:28 PM by DDBoy06 - reply

i really like this post! it makes you think! hahaha but im too lazy to actually think of my answers for all of them =P

Posted 7/16/2008 5:45 AM by lb4yb3e - reply

Visit c_est_la_vie_mon_amie's Xanga Site!

I got over my first love.
No doubt we shared alot together over the 5 years....but she's part of my past...not part of my present or future.

Of course we want an upgrade...just like with Digital Cameras....it's just human nature to want something bigger and better....And comparisons are unavoidable(but remember that it's a composite comparison...not just one aspect...bottom line...does he/she make you happy?)....it will feel good if they end up with someone worst than you in certain characteristics...but you wouldn't want them to be with an abuser.... And I have solved the problem of being with someone that could not possibly compare to my ex.....thus, I'm still single. hahahaha

It is NOT okay to settle....but it is done...and people CAN be happy settling...
Not everyone you love will love you back....even if you're as self centered as Van!

Oh gosh...if I hear more about the ex.....I'd sadden me.... I rather leave and go somewhere else.

I made the mistake of loving someone because they showed that they loved me. But who they are was loveable in itself to begin with. If you love someone first...you'll always love them even if they don't love you back then or now...

Both are pretty bad, but physically cheating on you while drunk is the lesser of two evils.

I only lie to protect and only if they didn't ask me specifically to tell them the truth. If you ask for the truth, I assume you are READY for the truth... if you're hurt by it....I did warn you!

Being with someone out of obligation is worse than settling....if your heart's not in it...it will never work.

All relationships with good people are worth staying and working it out.
Deal breakers is cheating...emotionally or physically....and if she's drunk...she better have someone who's not drunk around her at all times!!! You know you're doing the right thing when your heart and mind agree on what to do.

Love is not enough....you need commitment, respect, etc.

The concept of "the one" is that they will not wrong you beyond repair.
If you've lost it due to your fault...you do whatever it takes within legal bounds to get them back....that would be your last fight! If you fail....You have to live with that punishment for being stupid....stupidity is not without consequences.

Plastic surgery is fine if it does not affect your health.

Posted 7/16/2008 11:33 AM by c_est_la_vie_mon_amie

- reply

1. Define "get over". Is it the ability to never again have a single thought of him or her? To be able to say... "ex's name" who? If that's it then it's never possible. You'd have to have alzheimer's to be able to know that feeling of liberation. Once in a while I post something that depicts me as bitter or completely bitchy about my ex, Ryan. Someone reading that may conclude that clearly I am not over him but my own feelings are that I am. I can't, however, forget how it felt when he left for Iraq everytime I see a military related music video, movie, or news article. It reminds me of how much hurt and fear I was feeling at the time and all of a sudden for a few moments or a day long, I feel that anxiety again. I see my boyfriend all the time now so sometimes I remember the pure joy of seeing Ryan again after 3 or 4 weeks of training. I learned those feelings are possible and I experienced them. To forget what you experienced in your lifetime is completely wasteful of those times.

2. I want my ex's new girlfriend to be better than me. I want her to be the best of his standards because why would I want him to be unhappy. We've both moved on. What does it matter that you do not compare to them? Maybe your current partner's ex doesn't compare to you. Is that a feeling of satisfaction? Honestly, some part of me, the part that remembers those feelings I experienced, still wants him to remember me at least once in a while but I don't want him to be consumed by it. I want him to move on as he has already.

3. Sometimes it takes a new love to forget the old one. Going after someone who won't hear you out is just looking for excessive stress. You shouldn't "settle" for someone though. Settling is never enough. If you want to settle with that someone else, learn to love that person. Make an effort. If that's not possible, don't settle. Keep looking for the right one.

4. Why should you even be in a relationship where everyone liked the ex more? People say that you aren't marrying the family... but you are! You're marrying the family, friends, AND pets! He should have a loving family and group of friends that is warm to you. If they liked the ex so much, they'll express it and why go on living that way? If after some time with them, they can't change their feelings and judge you on yourself and not based on his ex, forget about it. The stress and snide remarks would stress you to poor health over the years. I can't tell you how a 2nd rate rebound feels like though.

5. It's a two way road Van. You love them for who they are and you love them for loving you back. If they stop loving you, it's not love anymore. It's admiration. You're his/her #1 fan. It hurts to love and not be loved in return. In this case, it would be time to jump off the bandwagon, figure out your feelings, and redirect it towards a more productive goal or someone who actually gives you the light of day with his heart.

6. Doesn't love you but stays with you vs. loves you but cheats on you while intoxicated. I'd kick both their butts to the curb. The first one with a harder kick out the door. Why lie to me? If you don't love me, why stay with me and waste both of our times? The cheater... I have this thing about... Say I'm married and my husband of a couple years gets drunk and has sex with some skank, I'd forgive him. Would I be mad? Hell yes! But we all learned in grade school that intoxication blurs mental judgement. You don't work at something for so long and call it quits over one mishap.

7. Yes. How big of a lie? I don't know.

8. Working backwards. Accidental pregnancies: marry the fool. He sperminated you, he's going to help you take care of the baby. Don't like each other? TOO BAD. Learn to work it out for the sake of the child. You worked it out long enough to get into each other's pants, now try for the baby. Especially for those young baby mommas and their foolios. Heck maybe they'll learn to love each other again, cuz they sure did in bed. When the baby gets older and can understand why their daddy went away, if things still aren't working out then it's ok to split up.

Family obligation/financial obligation/dependency: You can learn to love a person.

Making up for hurting them in the past: NEVER. Why???? Why live with that guilt??? I'm with you because I hurt you. I'm sorry for the rest of my life. NO.

9. It's a feeling. You know that he is worth working things out with. It's like deciding anything else. Weigh out your pros and cons. Why did you even commit yourselves in the first place? Are those reasons still valid?

10. No. Love is not greater than all temptations, distances, and obstacles. It is not greater than MANY of those things. Commitment, dedication, and support amount to something greater than those.

11. It depends why you lost him or her in the first place. Was it a mistake? Was it something not able to be fixed. And to forgive "the one", if he's really who I think is the one, it's a done deal. I'll forgive him. He's the person you label the one because of everything you've invested in the relationship. Time, money, children. That shouldn't be thrown away or shooken up because of some mistakes. But um... if Prince charming makes an illegal mistake like killing, fraud, etc., that's a deal breaker.

12. Plastic surgery? You have the money, go for it. Just choose a good surgeon.

Posted 7/16/2008 12:55 PM by tiffanynguyenlieu - reply

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