| | "You know, my neighbors were asking about you." He said.
"The old man? How do they know me?" I asked.
"I was going to work the other day and I ran into them. Apparently they saw you the other night. Remember?"
"They did? How embarassing! What did they say?" I recalled us coming home from dinner. We ran into an elderly couple outside his door. They exchanged greetings. I smiled but remained quiet, quite embarrassed to be caught going into his house so late at night. He told me they were a nice couple, he liked them.
"It's okay... they asked me if you... if you...." He slowed down not sure how I would react to the rest of the story and me, I waited for him to finish not sure how he reacted in the story...
"If I what?" I asked pretending I didn't know.
We had been dating almost 2 months. We talked for hours on the phone every night and saw each other as often as we could even though we lived 100 miles apart. He often canceled on his friends to see me and I often lied to my parents to see him. As much as we enjoyed each others' company and shared all of ourselves with each other... we avoided the term boyfriend/girlfriend like the plague. And even though we were exclusive and faithful...we avoided any talk of commitment. We said we weren't going to force anything by labeling each other, we were just going to let things go along naturally. I guess we were both scared the other person wasn't going to feel the same way. We were scared of rejection. We were scared to take a leap of faith. We were scared to ruin a good thing....
"If you were my girlfriend." He finally said.
"Oh... and what did you say?" I mentally prepared myself for hurt
"I said... I said.. yea you were." He shrugged and looked at me. I felt relieved. I felt happy.
"Oh" I laughed. "And what did they say?"
"Nothing, they said you were cute."
I laughed, "You're so silly. Stop going around telling people about me. No one is supposed to know, remember?"
And like that I shut it off. I shut off any chance of us talking about commitment, any chance of us taking to the next step. It wasn't the first time I did it and it wasn't the last. I wanted it but I was too scared. I didn't want to ruin a good thing.
|
| | Posted 7/16/2008 4:56 AM - 166 views - 14 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- give stars
- votes0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
