happy<3

i am sooooo happy. I applied for a job yesterday and i think im gonna get it!! Me and Dillon are talking and hangingout again which makes me extremly happy and excited. Hes amazing and i know that alot of people dont agree with our past and some people dont understand how i can love him so much, but people dont see the man i see. He treats me like a princess and he makes me feel so loved. I mean yah we fight and he's dick sometimes, but who isnt. I occasionally treat him like shit too. It dosnt change the fact that we care about eachother and yes hes having a baby with another girl, but there not together and if im going to judge him for that then he should be able to judge me for all the fucked up shit I've done. Hes not perfect, but i dont want perfect, i want him & were giving it another chance so i wish people would just step the fuck off. If its not meant to be then it wont workout, but i wish everyone would stop trying to screw it up for us. No one can give me butterflies or make my heart beat so fast or give me the shivers like he can. Hes so amazing. I love him & thats not going to change.

Anyways Vacation was awsome. Partied hard thursday night. Indian lake and jackie Date Friday Night, Wedding and crazy drunkeness and Dillon Love fest Saturday Night and then hungout with dillon sunday <333 it was amazing!!!!

rampage!!

Negitives:

JOEL IS GONE. 13 weeks parris Island, South Carolina. I Miss You Babe <33

School Fucking Blows so hardcore. Its boring, I havnt learned a damn thing and i cant stand that German Bitch!!

I still dont Have a Job. I guess Gore here i come. BLAHHH!!

Im weigning HELLA-WIEGHT! just call me fatass pls.

&& I have no idea what im going to do in June After I graduate. College? Move Away? Just work and find an appt? IDK!

TO TOP IT ALL OFF WINTER IS HERE. I HATE WINTER!

Positives:

Im talking to my dad again. I go and see him once a week. Its nice, I missed him.

I have Been Spending alot MORE time with my old Minerva Friends. emmasea,cammy,amber,meggie,Danielle,travis,Heather ILOVEYOU!

I got on Merits list. Yay for Yummy Terri Breakfast Monday Morning!

"You make it dry when it's raining outside
You warm my blood when the temperature dies
You're my crutch when it's all to hard to bare
See without you here I could not be anywhere"

I cant wait till you come home! I miss you already. 13 weeks is far too long babe. Who am i going to call when I have had enough? Who am I going to fall asleep with spooning and watching war movies? Who am i going to FIght with for 20mins and then turn around and give you a millon kisses and hugs? Who am i going to talk about the war, Life, religon, Love and Friendship with until 4 in the morning....Who's going to blow there nasty morning breath in my face to wake up my hungover ass up in the morning? Whos going to throw me over there shoulder and then throw me on the couch and tickle me until i pee? Whos going to get mad when i flirt with your uncle and dad? Whos going to tell me that what I'm doing is stupid and wrong without being afraid to hurt my feelings? Whos going to kick the guys ass who breaks my heart and whos going to tell my that Im Beautiful when i wake up in the morning and have messy hair and drool stains on my cheek? No One. thats who...... I Miss You BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!

goodbye to you...

goodbye to everything i knew.

I feel like my entire life is a lie. Im usually the type of person that just comes out and tells people how i feel about them. Weather i dont like them or im inlove with them, but this time its differant. And just seeing your face and holding you in my arms is killing me. Because i want to tell you everything, but im afraid it will change nothing, but ruin all the happiness we have. I just wish that you felt the same way and then i wouldnt be so afraid. <3

well i havnt written in a while. everything is going down the hole pretty much. school is pretty fucking boring. at this point in time im really sick. I think i caught what hannah had. and my love life sucks as well, as usual. me and meghan arnt talking because i liked amelia, but just like everyone else i have had feelings for i relaised it wasnt right. First of all im not going to be with someone who is still inlove with someone else. I know that she still has feelings for ashley am im sick of denying it. she is constantly lieing to me and im not even that madd at her because like her i also still love someone else. A boy who made me belive that we would be together when it turns out he was also a lieing, using son of a bitch, but for some reason my heart still wants him. I have lost trust and love from some friends that i love because of both of these people and its not worth it. I just want to be happy with someone and happiness for me means having all my friends support, Having someone who can lead me into a happy and stead future and having someone who loves me just as much as i love them. && i havnt found that yet, but i wont stop until i do. Anyways..... probaly no school again tommarrow. I have a doctors appt. to see what is wrong with me, hopefully its nothing to bad because i want to go back to school and i want to either, go see my little sister, jackie and everyone this weekend or go up to SLU to see my sister. I miss all of them.

Drivers test on the 5th. Im a frekaing master at the 3pointturns now so hopefully I'll fucking Pass this time.

I guess it was pretty stupid of me
To think that you and me could ever work...

& i'd rather be standing outside in the freezing cold
with you than to be warm in the arms of someone else.

She tries to stay away from him...
but it's so hard not knowing that
it doesn't make a difference
whether she's right in his face or
a thousand miles away.
Either way, all she is to
him is a memory.

Those late-night conversations meant the world to me,
hanging on to each other's every word, not wanting to leave.
And now it's gone--nothing means anything to me anymore.

it hurts....it was meant to.

first week!!

well school isnt too bad. I only have 2 real classes. but im so bored with it already. I need a job dude. so i can have money and get a car and i can go see everyone whenever i want. Like my IL crew, && Joel!! anyways this weekend was pretty sick though. I went to the car show with max, dillon, dereck && alicia in Lake george. met millon and derecks family and friends. there awsome. saw some sick cars, got to jam out with Bud and David while they played guitar and got to see my loves. so it was pretty sweet.hopefully going up too see them this weekend if i dont have to work or whatever. cause im applying for a couple jobs. =/ well anyways hopefully this week will go by VERY fast so i dont have to freakout to much and i hope He calls me this week because i told him" I'll give you one more chance to prove to me that you care and tell me how you feel and if you dont, THEN IM GONE FOR GOOD" so we'll see where he takes me. to a dead end where i have to turn around and start all over again. Or to a beautiful place filled with love and happiness.

I don't know what to say to you. Except that I am going to miss you. All I know is that you meant more to me than anyone else ever did or ever will. But if she loves you better than I do, then go, I can't stop you, go.

"if i only had just one breath,
i would breathe for you.
if i only had just one hug,
i would hug you.
if i only had just one kiss,
i would kiss you.
if i only had one more minute left on this earth,
i would spend it with you."