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your___velouria
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Name: jade
Birthday: 4/19/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: write read love kiss pretend smile popsicles grapefruit summer ocean laugh bestfriends language imagine walk sunshine green listen cry intelligence beauty bittersweet think feel write.
Expertise: THE PIXIES<33. dinosaur jr. elvis costello. everclear. the eels. reel big fish. further seems forever. the used. david bowie. coldplay. soul asylum. the darkness. the breeders. alkaline trio. blink 182. taking back sunday. brand new. neil young. crash test dummies. the rolling stones. the replacements. flogging molly. hole. pearl jam. the beatles. oasis. blues traveler. pavement. r.e.m. counting crows. me first and the gimme gimmes. poi dog pondering. the yeah yeah yeahs. lit. jimmy eat world. afi. rusted root. weezer. allister. tori amos. &ETC.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  supernova 1541
AIM: supernova 1541
AIM: supernova 1541
AIM: supernova 1541
Member Since:
3/25/2005
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| a vacation was definitely what i needed. i love the ocean, and the sun, and not being around anyone who lives in ramsey.
i feel much happier now. i have accepted stuff that needed to be accepted, and also as a sidenote i really really really fucking adore mike =] as well as my (actual) friends, and im going to try not to let stupid things get me down anymore
also im going to try to start exercising more consistently, considering i ate like two pounds of ice cream in the past week | | |
| sometimes i think im really fucking ridiculously lucky. but my shortcoming is that if i dont constantly remind myself of it, i cant see it. im way way too sensitive. tonight i got so upset over the smallest thing, but then i realized, you know what? i have this amazing guy whos my best friend in the whole world who is giving me me kisses on my back and trying to make me laugh and saying its alright. and im so, so lucky for that. so many people would give their right arm for that kind of thing, and i just have it. like, what did i do to deserve him?
and i have the greatest best friend in the world, and even though she lives in wisconsin, we still manage to stay in touch. i can talk to her about everything, and she really truly appreciates everything i do. its so weird, actually knowing someone who thinks im cool. but she does, she thinks im a good writer and a good photographer and i think the same about her, except i think shes a great writer and a great painter. and we get to take a vacation together once every year, and we always have so much fun together. we can sit in a room and laugh for hours without saying more than five words.
im lucky to live where i live, in a nice house with a family who loves me and who can afford to give me a good education. im lucky to have been born in the year i was born in and in teh same town as the people i love, because if you think about it, i could have been born in 1900 and mike couold have been born tomorrow, and we would never have met each other. we are lucky we werent born fifty years ago because he would have died when he was born, and i never would have known him. and had i been born 100 years ago, sami and i couldnt fly to see each other, and we couldnt talk on the phone; she would have moved and we would have ceased to know each other. but now i can say for sure that she is one person who i know is going to be at my wedding and who is going to visit me at my baby shower and everything like that.
and im lucky for the people ive met this year, for carrolyn and ariel and for glynis and our sweet crew. its nice to finally have friends who seem to understand me, and trust me. i really waited a long time, but it was so worth it. im lucky for my cat, who is fucking awesome. im lucky i have the motivation to do well in school so taht my future doesnt suck, and im lucky for photography and writing and tennis because they all make me happy. im lucky for my tarot cards, and im lucky not to be close minded so i can experience life on any level i choose. im lucky to be literate. im lucky i live in america. im lucky im not 900 pounds, im lucky i have all my limbs and my mind in tact. im lucky i have a good job. im lucky that i appreciate art and music and books and can enjoy them and learn from them. im just really fucking lucky, basically.
pretty much i love life. like, i wasnt even in a good mood when i started writing this, but how can anyone be in a bad mood when they are living in america with friends and people who love them and money and education and a future with hope? really. it blows my mind that people dont think about this more often. our lives are a miracle. if you were living poor in africa and a plane dropped the amount of money your yearly mortgage costs on your front lawn, and a couple hundred dollars for groceries, itd be a fucking miracle, wouldnt it? the way we live is a miracle, we just dotn have the perspective to realize it. | | |
| stardustblue jays careen past white clouds
like midday shooting stars
carrying the seeds of
evanescent puffs of dandelion
in their feathery blue stomachs,
heavy with wishes
you gave me seeds of mars
in the palm of your calloused hand and said
"grow me a garden"
you grew me a universe
and carefully put the rings around saturn,
like the silver bangles my mom wore everyday
(i remember the way they clinked whenever
she turned the blinker on)
i planted a planetarium;
a field of tiny dandelions
(sunflowers but immune to slugs)
and you exhaled, banishing the soft white seeds
to venus
their light has been hitting us for two million years since
now all those heavy feathery wishes
in the stomachs of birds as blue as polaris
dissipate each time our lips touch
and all the sparrows exhale at once | | |
| i think this summer is going to suck. it sucks tonight. and it sucked two nights ago. i have like, two friends. and i feel really fucking paranoid, and i need to get out of this town but i cant until the end of july so basically until then ill sit around reading and wasting time and wiating. and i need to work out right now but i cant bring myself to but i know i need to. so i guess i will even though i cant possibly.
i am so scared that im going to miss summer like i missed spring. i dont know what is wrong with me, i need to be less unstable. im really nervous, and really lonely. i shouldnt be but i am.
and i miss everyone who means a lot more to me than i do to them.
and i guess ill go work out and do something with all this nervous energy. | | |
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