"How simple it is to see

that we can only be happy now,

and that there will never be a time

when it is not now."

Gerald Jamolsky

..and again. I'm a little on edge. Real gray actually.

I'm afraid to be okay without him. Because then what if he doesn't come back. Or I can't find him again. It's different when he's 9 hours away instead of 2 minutes. Slowly but surely our odds are getting worse. Or am I just that dramatic?

Maybe so. Anymore people are telling me. telling him. that we'll end up together. We'll work it out after college. I just don't want him to forget me.

And mostly I just need to stop. My mom told me last night that I keep reaching out. Trying to find something to make me happy. And I need to stop. I need to make myself happy. I need to be happy where I am, who I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing. And I am for the most part. I just want someone along with me to see all of it. To experience everything I'm experiencing. Because it's been so much. There's been so many new things, new people, new places....I just want someone to be along to see how wonderful and dreadful it is. I want him to be along to see it all. Because I KNOW HOW GOOD IT IS FOR ME, I know how good it could be for him. For you.

So come along. Come along with me already.

Currently Listening In Between Dreams By Jack Johnson see related

Well too much silence can be misleading
You're drifting I can hear it in the way that your breathing
We don't really need to find reason
Cause out the same door that it came well its leaving its leaving

And there's some sort of comfort that comes from knowing the end. Well, seeing it. And being able to wein myself off of him before he's not mine anymore.

But there's an uneasiness in knowing that it's not us anymore. It's him. And then it's me. There's no longer that feeling of us. And it gets worse and worse each weekend. Each day. Each conversation.

Part of me wants to just stop. Stop the world and be with him. Go back to the days when we were enough for eachother. Where even though we had plenty of other options, we gladly chose eachother. It was us. Because I hate to think that we are growing apart.

And a part of me is ready for this. Ready for Colorado. Ready for more college. Ready for more life.

Currently Listening The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most By Dashboard Confessional see related

I want it to be beautiful and I want him to call me nicknames that don't make sense and I'll laugh and we'll drive to my house and spend the whole day basking in it.

Not the sun.

Each other.


That is all we need.



But that's fantasy and reality...


Is miles and miles and miles.


Don't hold your breath.

Currently Listening Feels Like Today By Rascal Flatts see related

It's my birthday!

19 years of gloriousness!