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| Does it hurt to know Ill never be there?Does It hurt to know Ill never be there? Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere......  So im not sure why I got on to this thing... no one owns this anymore lol no one gets on I guess this is the ultimate safty zone because no one will check this....... im bored and thinking of things, thinking of just how fucked up my life has been.... I mean like always and im not whining or bitching about emo my life sucks shit its just fucked up...... Im glad I have joe or I dont know what I would do I would probably be in such a fucked up place right now if I didnt have him. He has really saved me from myself, I mean before him I listened to all of dales lies and bullshit all the things he said to me between "I love you" to I cant be there now..... all the cheating and lying and everything and I kept going back I kept trying because for some reason I beleieved that we were meant to be that we would somehow work it out..... what bull it makes me laugh because we were never going to work out we were never okay and he was never in love and to this day I dont think he knows what that word means he never did and I dont know if he ever will..... I use to think maybe its just me maybe I just wasnt right..... but its not me its every girl hes with its either his friends telling him they suck or him picking something out of nothing and calling it quits..... I went through 2 years and something with him through everything from me fucking his cusin unknowingly to him fucking a fat bitch and having her kid..... I dont know why I stuck around and im glad im not still stuck. Joe has become the best part of my life and I just keep fucking it up I keep hurting him because I cant control my anger I cant control my words or tongue I was brought up to not talk things out walk away from your problems is how I was taught I was taught to raise your voice at every bad thing argue everything and never listen to reason well I have to break myself from that but I have no fucking idea how I try but it doesnt seem like im trying to him because I just keep fucking up I know he loves me and I know I love him but sometimes you need more and I dont blame him for being mad at me when I become this raging bitch this horrible screaming nasty mean bitch and I know I can be one Ive done it to more people than him, shit ive done it to my mom and brother and father (not that he matters) but to him I should never do that he loves me more than anyone he puts up with all the shit I couldnt even deal with he is so strong and I just love him and im so happy he has saved me from me...... I finally found someone who wont fuck me up or fuck me over....... I dont know why I got on here like I said but I just felt like writing something no one would probably read just something for myself...... well goodnight. Does it hurt to know ill never be there? Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere. it was you who chose to end it like you did I was the last to know you knew exactly what you would do and dont say you simply lost your way she may believe you but I never will Never Again...... Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you...... I love you joe you are my world...... | | |
| i guess disregaurd that last post....... i guess he was just kidding but how was i suppose to know i mean its online its not like he was talking to me or somthing....... plus his gf is controling and cuntragish so I didnt know i thought maybe he was just listening to what she said...... idk he said somthing i didnt exactly get what he said bc he said..... "everything lost will soon be found if you search hard enough, remember that..." i dont really get it i mean i do but what is he personally talking about i havnt told him that i feel ive been loosing alot latly witch i have but he doesnt know that all i he knows is that when he told me we couldnt be friends i told him it hurt alot bc he was a really great friend and i dont understand why im loosing him but then he told me he was just kidding and i should calm down that he just wanted to see what my reaction would be...... i dont get his mind somtimes.... he wont let the people in life that care for him most help him at all...... but he will let somone who will probably fuck his world up take control of him, shes known to fuck with guys minds or cheat on them or dump them after like a month or sooner or whore herself around yeah....... but i cant do anything anymore hes not mine to help i would if hed let me but he doesnt want it....... so we're still best friends, we still talk and its fine..... right after he told me he was joking he ask when i was comming out to see him again..... lol so yeah i todl him idk somtime over break..... lol i still miss him but hey best friends is better then nothing at all...... nothing at all would eat away the fragment of my heart thats still there ya know...... well idk i guess im going to go now theres nothing else to say..... ttyl have a great day kiddies....
<3 beck
You've got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way............... | | |
|    well if the end is fucking comming then what the fuck was all this bullshit about friends for WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY THAT FOR, does your cunt rag gf have anything to do with this situation at all bc from what ive heard she doesnt like you hanging out with your girl friends anymore so you tell me well yuo cant bc youll never read this...... the end is comming fuck that it already came you just didnt want ot tell me or admit that for the first time ever your so fucking pussy whipped that you would kiss her ass if she told you to, if your willing to give up your friends for a fucking gf then fuck it fine go i dont fucking care bc for me friends always come before anyone my friends are the only one who are always fuckin there for me no matter fucking what, so go on and have your fun with her until she either fucks you over or you get bored....... i tryed keeping a friendship with you even though it hurt like fucking hell bc i didnt want ot be just friends but id rather be just friends then nothing at all but well thats all shot to hell now........ why do i even care i get fucked over by every single mother fucking guy ive ever known theres a saying that the onyl guy a girl can trust is her daddy ..... well i cant even fucking trust him so i just cant trust any guy now can i bc even my guy friends have fucked me over theres only one guy whos never ever fucked me over before that ive been great friends with i mean and thats dan, dan has never once fucked me over and i dont think he ever would, i mean sure some other guys havnt fucked me over yet bc im not close enuogh to them what could doyal do to fuck me over........ nothing bc really if he todl me he didnt want ot be friends anymore id be like fine your loss yeah hes awesome and yeah that would suck but idk i wouldnt be as hurt as i am now........ so i guess fuck you if you feel you have ot do this i dont fucking get you somtimes! i really fucking dont i used to think so much like you but you've changed and its not good i hate these changes, but thats not my choice or my fault so you deal with it...... you have fed me the worlds biggest fucking lies "i wont stop until i get you back" sound fucking farmiliar yeah thats bc you fucking said it well wtf happened to that oh i know you met somone else somone better right haha better im sorry in your eyes maybe and im not being conceeded im just being me ....... " for now we can be best friends you have all my trust I will tell you everything" wow looks firmiliar again maybe bc you also fucking said that well that was a fucking lie to i guess bc were not best friends fuck we barly talk anymore and now you tell me "maybe the end is comming or somthing" wtf is that shit is that your nice way of telling me to fuck off and you dont want ot speak to me anymore well fine have your fucking fun...... think of me baby when your cold and alone picture my face....... laughing....... yeah thats right im done being nice from now on if somone fucks me over im no longer nice fuck it there ya go best buddy you taught me somthing are you happy now you made me fucking realize somthing good fucking job it took you hurting me witch again somthing you lied about....."god i dont want to hurt you anymore i wish i could take you away from all this and show you a world of happiness blah blah blah....." yeah another fucking lie wow your good at that maybe you should try finding a job in your proffesion....... im sorry i dont mean to be so nasty but im hurt and i dont cry when im hurt i just get bitchy and cold so there you go heres me being hurt you said you hurt me before well hunney you didnt know what pain was until you did this shit..... have fun with your fucking life i guess sence you seem to want ot shaft me out of it...... fuck all this mother fucking shit im so fucking out......
Think of me baby when your cold and alone, picture my face, im laughing..........
im hurting more than you'll ever know, but all you'll see is the madness.... | | |
| hey people what tis up? lol....... anyways yeah i didnt get a part in the play so idk im an extra witch sucks im still gonna do it i think but idk i dont really want to but hey its a part none the less i guess idk ...... i want my hair done so bad i want bright red almost fire red highlights in my hair that would be kewl either that or like bright strawberry bloodish red color lol thatd be cool to lol idk dude im oing nuts latly i just cant wait for friday i get to spend time with friends and go do shit and hang out have fun idk just have a good time i guess i finally might get to see santa hopfully if i dont that will suck bc i miss him and am dying to see him so bad .......... well im gonna go now so ttyl have a great day kiddies
<3 beck
real love? or is it me your after? is it time? because its now or never...... real love..... | | |
| hey there damn its been a long time sence ive updated this lol well few days enyways..... well thanksgiving was good i guess got to see all my cusins and shit hang out with trish this past weekend that was fun..... idk theres nothing to really say... ive figured out a few things now and i think i know what im doing again lol well for a while anyways.... times are getting a little better....... im trying to find a job, save up some money, get the fuck outa here so yeah lol thats good, idk tons of things to do so little time........ gotta earn enough money to get outta here and get a place with lin and whit if we still are witch we will lol...... idk so many things to think about...... my brian is squished lol but oh well....... well im gonna go so ttyl
<3 beck
in my mind ill always be his lady......... | | |
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