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Monday, December 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:49:03 GMT

There's a scene in the little-known, but completely hilarious movie "Grandma's Boy" where the fat kid from "Superbad" (sorry dude but in gentile circles that's your name) gets kicked in the shin. The line he says is completely innocuous but still hilarious.

Are You Serious?

Iran So Far Is Gay
After what? Two or three years of rhetoric, a presidential wah-nabe song (Bomb Iran set to the tune of Barbara Ann) and f-ing A.J. Soprano it turns out there really was much ado about nothing.

A new assessment by American intelligence agencies concludes that Iran halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003 and that the program remains on hold, contradicting an assessment two years ago that Tehran was working inexorably toward building a bomb.

The peaceniks over at the NYT go on to say than Iran probably couldn't get a bomb together until 2013.
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More to come ... I should post more ... and yes more about your mom.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 18:54:35 GMT

Security!!

BHO

I'll Take Black People That White People Like for $500 Alex
So all day today, the Web is just f'ing on fire with the news of Barack Obama's presidential announcement. No really, en fuego. If the internet was gay, it would be flaming. If it were a vagina, it would be Lindsay Lohan's. But of course being the desperate housewife I am, I check Oprah.com on his scheduled interview. Yes, I'm a regular frequenter of Oprah.com, so what? Screw you for judging me. Did you that 80% of women aren't wearing the correct size bra? Do you know about Darfur? Yeah well then, suck it. Anywho, what do I get for tomorrow's episode?

TBA

Honestly, the only time it does that is when serious isht is about to hit the fan. Announcing a presidential run on Oprah? Or rather, his first scheduled interview after announcing would be a softball interview with the black Mother Theresa with a mic. That's bad a*s.

The reaction from a wise GOP consultant (not Obi Wan; I have to get this other guy to decide on his nickname) was, "Announcing on Oprah could be potentially very smart... I'm glad she's also from Illinois, because that means she can’t be his running mate... Christopher Dodd goes on Imus and announces his candidacy, Obama goes on Oprah. I know which show I'd rather have my candidate make his announcement."

I didn't even think about the Oprah for veep angle. Good point. So of course, I go to Google up some stuff on Obama. You know ... checking to see if he beats little, cute white kids on the side or worse, on the DL and I see that some how Hilary Rodham Clinton has two links on the first page. And it's not even blogs or random Hilary/Obama fanfic.

And as Barack entered her oval office ...

It's her official Senate site. And both links have nary one link or text about Obama. How is that possible? Besides, the fact that Hilary's a witch (burn her!) Ladies and gentlemen, the game is afoot!

Oh poop! One more thing, from the same, right-leaning site ... What words are missing from Obama's statement

A) Bush
B) Republican
C) Democrat
D) All of the Above

If you guessed D, then you read the answer and you're a big cheat. But D is correct.

Obama isn't running against Republicans; he's running against partisanship itself.

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Sorry this post is completely off-the-cuff [ed. note - what else is new?] and somewhat giddy. No lie, I am looking forward to the next few years in news practically salivating. Even your mom's apple pie doesn't get me as wet. Next thing you know we'll have a gay presidential candidate -- and then it's on.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 17:00:22 GMT

I know I know. I love you too.

One Note

But Will It Be Called Dirrty?
This quote from a blog says it all ...

Commercial break … and it’s so quick I don’t have time to fast forward. It’s a Verizon Chocolate ad with an Xtina song. Think about it, who would have thought out of all the poptarts that came out in the late 90’s/early 2000’s that the genie in the bottle would be the most grounded and dare I say, normal. Britney Spears is well livin’ la vida chocha. Jessica Simpson has major daddy issues and dated everyone that wasn’t me. Robyn gave up on the States, had a secret abortion and left to become a Swedish soul singer? Vitamin C tried to become the next Paula Abdul. And Mandy Moore became a republican.

Family-friendly, Fortune 25 Procter & Gamble is creating a line of fragrances with Christina Aguilera. Terms weren't disclosed. I don't know why this is so fascinating to me. But it makes sense from a business angle. I mean how many cute little white girls have credibility with the kids, blacks, whites, latinos/latinas and the gays? And flies just under the whoredar for middle America? And at one point she was the "next Britney." Crazy.
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Oh Procter & Gamble, the same company that brought your mom Gilmore Girls is now in bed with Xtina. Weird. Mind a threesome?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 05:52:57 GMT

I miss being actively in media. Sure it was annoying at times. If I had a nickel for everytime someone gave me the Buddy Christ finger point and did the nickname thing ...

Hey how's it going chief!?!

I'd have 1,000 euro -- which is like $5.982 billion. So yeah f-u Pocahantis. And just getting back into it I see, and more importantly, I feel it so so much more. I think some industries just attract a certain type of a-hole. Night clubs, strip clubs and auto repair shops attract the greasy a-holes. Accounting, actuary and the financial services industry seems to grab all the awkward a-holes. But it is what it is. And how else can you be in the position to make insane amounts money and have outsized, disportionate, unfair amounts of influence? But for only about two years, then you're disco.

Beaten

Knick-a-bocka Puhlease
It just so happens I was out at bar (imagine that) and the Knicks/Nuggets game was in the background. I started watching when the Knicks were up by 5. Seven minutes later they were down by 20. Fun. Next thing I know there were punches, flops, slaps, yelling, obvious f-bombs, blah blah. Watching it live? Honestly didn't look like a horrible thing. The next day it's all over the news. Thugs, brutes, gangsters say self-righteous sportscasters. Meh, try Christmas shopping on 5th Avenue. Suspend them, fine them and move on.

Even though I couldn't care less about oooh a sports brawl, if your coach is kind of a prick, sorry

... a little punk
in a bad suit, threatens the league's leading scorer and fosters an atmosphere of war for an 48 min. bball game. Then maybe he should share in those fines and suspensions.
And it's time to dust of that tried and true AP story dating back 5 years -- even though no one on the 2001 team, including the coach, is on the team anymore.
I also have zero pity for suspended Knick guard Nate Robinson

Robinson also has earned a reputation as a bench jockey who trash-talks to players on the floor. He also has been criticized by teammates for, ironically enough, showboating.
Last year, Robinson was involved in two fights with teammates. He went after Jerome James with a broom during a practice and then had to be separated from fighting Malik Rose in the shower. The shower fight prompted a veteran teammate to give Robinson another nickname.
"That's just Nate," the Knick said. "He's a jerk."
The Knicks have two "veterans" on the team. One is James, the other is Rose. Worst blind quote ever. Oh the shower fight? That happened just over two weeks ago.
Robinson apparently showed the kind of toughness that Isiah Thomas loves when he went into the shower to collect on the wager.
"Nate tried to jump on me when I was naked, thinking he had the advantage that way," Rose said. "He just got on my nerves, trying to get his money, and I'm not giving it to him. It was a couple of dollars." [emphasis mine]
A couple of dollars to these guys could pay off my 30-year mortgage but still ... getting jumped in the shower? Sounds like an episode of Oz.

Spooooooon!

So even with all that said, I still stick to my internal mantra WWDDD - What Would David Duke Do? Since David Duke would plead righteous indignation about this whole episode so I won't. White Power.

UPDATE: With four playes suspended, the Knicks had their biggest win of the year tonight beating the 2nd best team in the NBA in overtime at the buzzer -- led by a career day from David Lee. White Power ... Forward.

Who Likes to Eat Red Carpet?
There is a real business behind those red carpet events you see on TV. The arrival times, the competitive spacing between certain stars, positioning of media from print to broadcast and now online. Imagine the worst combination of high school mean girls, oxygen-hogging security, vertigo-inducing cameras and you have a start. Sometimes it fails

Welcome to the Daytime Emmys ... [crickets]

Other times?

I interviewed Christina Aguilera on a red carpet (back in the olden days of audio micro cassette recorders) when she was so unknown that my notes described her: "Christina-A. look up last name. called new Britney by publicist."

Awesome.

Who Likes to Eat Red Carpet? (part two)
Lindsey Lohan's next role (seriously) is as a stripper in a thiller. And as a true method actor she's throwing herself into her new role. From the outbox of lLo ...

... subject title: "They're all whores, they're all whores . . . xcept for some obviously!" Lohan wrote in the note, "So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we're talkin' like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark.
"I mean really though, really, I didn't know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body. Strippers dude, I tell you, I really respect the [c-word]s now. . . I'm not gonna lie to ya."

I don't even know where to begin but man -- I thought I was a mysogynist. And I hate people that over use the "..." Anyways, in the movie

Lohan plays Aubrey, the young daughter of affluent parents who is abducted and mutilated by a sadistic serial killer, she then manages to escape, sans a hand and a leg and lots of blood. The girl who regains consciousness in the hospital claims to be not Aubrey but Dakota identical to Aubrey, but with a much different demeanor. Dakota struggles to convince anyone that she is not Aubrey and finds herself in a desperate race to save Aubrey’s life and her own against overwhelming odds.

I don't even know where to begin but man -- I thought I was a mysogynist.

Chair Chick of the Board
Women. They are never happy with just one of anything.

“Women on boards are the ones who pay attention to the pool of employees and succession planning and whether there are women and people of color coming up in those succession plans,” says Vicki W. Kramer, a management consultant and co-author of a study, “Critical Mass on Corporate Boards: Why Three or More Women Enhance Governance,” that was released this fall by the Wellesley Centers for Women.
[cut]
A single woman on a board is typically viewed as a “token woman” and is unlikely to drive female-related issues because she does not want to be seen as a one-issue director ...
The addition of a second woman to the board only slightly changes the environment. The women sometimes feel the need to stay away from each other, worried that it will appear as if they are conspiring against the men on the board.
The tipping point is the presence of three women on a board. “Somehow, at three, gender goes away and they are much less concerned about being seen together,” Ms. Kramer says.

I have two words ... mmm threesome.

Chairman of the Board
The good: socially conscious American Apparel is getting sold for $382.5 million. The hipster retailer's clothes are all made in the USA at double minimum wage; employees get subsidized health care, meals and english lessons. The bad? American Apparel was sued for a hostile work environment. The CEO

... conducted job interviews in his underwear, and that he gave vibrators to at least one female worker.

Allegedly. He denies any wrongdoing. What's odd about the story is that the lawsuit was dismissed over a year ago. No settlement, no money. Liberal bastards these Times writers. Just sayin' ... let a man in his fashionable underroos, rock out with his cock out in peace.

ADDers Kickin' the Habit
I blame the movie Garden State for this.

... [A]ccording to Mariellen Fischer, a professor of neurology at the Medical College of Wisconsin. Among the roughly 150 children she has tracked well into their 20s, "discontinuation of the medication [has been] by far the vast norm," she says. Of those diagnosed and medicated for ADD as children, she estimates, about 9 in 10 are off those medications by the time they reach 21.

The upshot is: no one seems to really have a handle on what happens to the kids on the mind meds. But of course they do toss out this nugget.

In 2005, they reported that the young adults with a childhood ADD diagnosis were more likely to have dropped out of high school and to have been fired from jobs. They were more likely to have had sex earlier and became parents at a younger age than their non-ADD peers. They had higher credit card debt and fewer savings, and were far less likely to attend college.

Young adults with ADD also appear to have more motor vehicle collisions and traffic citations and are more likely to experiment with illegal drugs. But the data suggest that ADD sufferers who took prescribed medication were less likely than those who did not to use illegal drugs.

But the data is inconclusive. Huh? I hate studies -- especially bad ones. Anywho, speaking of dropping the pills and gaining Natalie Portman.

He's Bringing the SexxyBoxx (video may be NSFW)
This is why G_d, or Al G_re, invented the internet. I missed SNL because ... well I was watching countless replays of the Knicks/Nuggets game. And plus sticking around for two funny skits and Weekend Update isn't my idea of a fun Saturday night. But the link simply makes me happy and I must have been living in a hole because I had no idea that NBC had classic SNL clips online. Of course, half the links are broken and gems like

I'll take the rapists for $200, Alex

are probably squirreled away for a DVD. But mmmm Princess Amidala. And I'm ashamed to say it Justin Timberlake cracks me up everytime he's on SNL. Darn. There goes my street cred.
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Ahh sophomoric hilarity. But back to something far more important ... I wish people would leave the ADDers alone. I'm that ~~fact~~ factoid pretty much says pretty much anything that can go wrong with you in life is more likely to happen just because your brain works like an Intel chip w/o the cooling fan. It ain't no thang. And nothing that a mother still couldn't love you for. I still blame 'Garden State.' Dam* New Jersey.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 13:19:54 GMT

More later but I leave you with the four thoughts that started my day ... One, if Hilary Clinton was man would she be a shoo-in for president? And would s/he be doable? Two, communicating with drunk people will teach you a thing or two about listening skills. Three, why are there no black people on the Daily Show? Are they not funny? Four, Angelina Jolie is not aging well at all. In fact, she's starting to look like those old school movie starlets at age 80 that still cling to their bedazzled berets, rock the reading spectacles with the string and write notes to themselves in the newspaper. That said she's still doable.

One Note

Why Couldn't This Be Scrappy?
I've been following this story for a while, it's been mentioned a few times in local press but I think this might make it rise to the national level or at least to an episode of Law & Order.

Prosecutors won the right Monday to use a live puppy in a demonstration of how another dog suffered before it was stuffed into a searing hot gas oven and killed.
Laura Janssen, the prosecutor, argued that a live demonstration would show how a real dog would react. She said her expert on dog behavior would stop short of any real cruelty.
"It helps the jury to understand," Janssen said.
The puppy pulled from the Fulton animal shelter on Tuesday would be a stand-in for one that was doused with paint, burned, hog-tied with duct tape and then died futility struggling inside a gas oven.

Defense lawyers are justifiably worried about predjudicing and inflaming the jury. Ya think? Too bad though, you'd have to be the love child of Paris Hilton and Bin Laden not feel something. A kitten? Fine. That's like only worthy of the vestibule of Dante's inferno. A bunny? Again ok, that's like 7th grade biology class. But a puppy?? That's pure evil. Anywho, witnesses have already testified that Justin and Joshua Moulder, 17 and 19 respectively, tortured, killed and then bragged about their puppy dealings. They continue to trash a community center ...

Not the teen center!

... and 'defaced' a biblical picture. The defense has their work cut out for them. Much of the case turns on the testimony from neighborhood kiddies. Kids and puppies? They're screwed.
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Again more later ... I think your mom should adopt the puppy. Not the dead one, the stunt double. The stand-in will be returned to the pound after the trial.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:45:31 GMT

I'm not going to even acknowledge it. All I am going to say is: konichiwa bitches. I'm also going to say I'm going to lead the Kevin Federline rehabilitation PR campaign. Why? Because no one else will and I have an underdog fetish. He's the punchline to every joke now which is fine. It's funny, I guess. He's the Aristocrats.

Here's the kicker ... grandma's dead.

I mean since 2002, he's become a babydaddy four times over. That's a kid a year. That's pimp. But seriously, you know who would be a big part of my campaign for Mr. Popozou? The gays. It's true. This is the same community that found Eminem strangely attractive, it'll work. Kevin rolls in packs of all guys, all dressed in strange 70's fabrics like velour and randomly grab women's boobs. Oh! And he's an excellent dancer. Sounds (v)gayuely familar? And as a vital cog to the service sector, the gay community is in a prime position to be the final arbiters on who's hot and who's not. If I was his PR flack, I'd make him do a couple gay pride events, a couple club gigs at places named for genitalia and maybe a spot or three on Bravo.

I mean he was married to the modern-day, old school Madonna -- Britney Spears -- and that's got to count for something with the community. (I'm thinking Borderline Madonna not Like a Virgin Madonna by the by.) James Brolin, Sonny Bono, Guy Ritchie, Kevin Federline. Who do you think is best positioned to leverage the king-making, career-resusitanting special sauce of the gay community? Exactly. And if that doesn't work ... I have a suspicion his schween isn't teeny-weeny.

Fit to Think

Beyonce: Needs the Jelly to Stop Jellin'
As much as I like underdogs, something about the liberal media all getting behind a movie always irks me. But there isn't a single bad review of Dreamgirls anywhere. In fact, all the reviews are glowing, Oscar this, Golden Globe that. Whadevah. All I know is that the first screening in the city will be $25. One ticket. No popcorn. All bollocks. The one negative thing I've heard is a little jealousy between Beyonce and scene-stealer Jennifer Hudson who plays Effie. Beyonce:

... [I] knew that the character that I played wasn't the star ... I'm already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing ... I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie. [emphasis mine]

I guess that would be too bootylicious for ya babe. Well props anyway to Beyonce's plus 20, Jennifer Hudson for bringing sexy backs back. Speaking of women with the lovely lady bumps ...

The Baby Cheney
Yep, she's gay ... and pregnant ... and Republican. Says Janice Crouse of Concerned Women for America of the "unconscionable" pregnancy:

It's very disappointing that a celebrity couple like this would deliberately bring into the world a child that will never have a father ... They are encouraging people who don't have the advantages they have.

I guess it's okay if you're gay, rich and keep your kids in the closet away from the world ... like Michael Jackson.

Says Carrie Gordon Earll, a policy analyst for the conservative Christian ministry Focus on the Family

Just because you can conceive a child outside a one-woman, one-man marriage doesn't mean it's a good idea ... Love can't replace a mother and a father.

Uhhh love can't replace a parent? I'll let you mull that over. What's funny is she essentially quotes Chris Rock from his HBO special.

A bunch of girls say 'you don't need no man to help you raise no child'... shut the f*ck up with the bullsh*t! Yeah, you could do it without a man, but that don't mean it's to be done! Shit, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don't make it a good f*cking idea!

These flacks suck. I'd have prefered they said what they actually thought like Mary's going to spend eternity in Hell with environmentalists, Muslims and the souls of unbaptised children. What I think is the untold story is if the release of this story was timed until after the midterm election. Or even, if the release the "swimmers" into Mary Cheney was timed as such. Someone had to say it. Speaking of gay ...

... And Hilarity Ensued
Gayest. Sitcom. Ever. Kristin Chenoweth and Nathan Lane are shooting a sitcom about

... a pair of talk show hosts like Regis and Kelly

But that's only a smidge of the article. If you want to know anything about or know nothing about Chenowith click. And here's hoping her Dusty Springfield movie gets off the ground. Someone has to tell the drunk sorority sisters out there about other songs than "Son of a Preacher Man." Speaking of educating ...

Simma Da Na
Fighting words.

Despite the Church Lady, "Lazy Sunday," Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood, the Ambiguously Gay Duo and "More cowbell!" the rap on "Saturday Night Live" has persisted for 30 years: It's never been as good as the first year.
Which is hogwash. Or, as Wayne Campbell might say - Not!
The proof arrives this week ...

That's right Horatio Sanz and John Belushi bombed (and were bombed) equally. Speaking of really, really big men ...

Dudes for Jesus
Why are men avoiding church? Why do women outnumber men 3 to 2 in church pews? Why? Because church is gay.

Holding hands with strangers, singing love songs to Jesus, pink carpets, flowers? Even the popular song "Onward Christian Soliders" sounds very Barry Manilow. So what to do? Cowboy up. Pour some testosterone into the blood of Christ. And even the big J gets a makeover.

"He's been domesticated," says Roland Martinson, a professor of ministry at Luther Seminary in St. Paul, Minn. "He's portrayed now as gentle, loving, kind, rather than as a full-bodied person who kicked over tables in the temple, spent 40 days in the wilderness wrestling with his identity and with God, hung out with the guys in the street. The rough-hewn edges and courage ... got lopped off."

Don't forget rollin' with prostitutes. But seriously folks (and I only say this so I can dodge karma and not end up in hell with environmentalists, Muslims and the souls of unbaptised children) it is an admirable goal to get more guys into church. And they are willing to try anything.

Leaders don't even bring out the Bible until they're well into the curriculum; instead, they teach ideals of Christian manhood through Steve Martin movies and clips from "Braveheart."

"Do not think Sunday morning worship," Caldwell says. "Think Saturday afternoon tailgate."

Nothing like a Mel Gibson movie to make good Christians.
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My butt hurts so I'm going to end this post here. Yes I know this is a particularly gay post. I apologize. Next time, I'll post about your mom. Or perhaps, I'll simply post your mom. There? Happy?

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 19:24:28 GMT

I had a watch once. It was a Fossil.

Ice Ice Baby

Jacob the Indicted
Famed jeweler to the black stars (nee rappers), Jacob "the Jeweler" Arabo was arrested this morning on laundering charges. Here's the summary

Violation of federal drug laws
Laundering of $270M
Lending accused narcotics offenders jewelry

Now, call me stupid (or racist ... same difference) but isn't that an occupational hazard? What rapper hasn't been accused of drug trafficking, possession or "knowing someone" on the rock? You lend some crazy bedazzled watch to some one hit wonder rapper slash alleged drug dealer, it appears in a video, people want it, people buy it, said borrowed watch is returned. Everyone wins. Anyways, the indictment also calls for the forfeiture of 30 pieces of jewelry and a number of residences and cars. That's a lot of cheddar [black ed. note -- that means money].

His lawyer says he's been trying to get back the lent (lended, spoken for, axed?) jewelry since November.

Forget the 30 pieces of jewelry that's 30 years at least of federal pound 'em in the @ss prison. Sure sounds like feds want him to turn state's evidence. And that would mean any of his customers slash rappers (and Beyonce') might want to watch their back.
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OK I exaggerate he doesn't just service rappers. Other really really rich high-profile peeps he pops the rocks to include Angela Bassett, Jimmy Fallon, Gisele Bundchen, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, Enrique Iglesias, Justin Timberlake, Verne Troyer (????), Fred Durst, David & Victoria Beckham, Sir Elton John, Karl Lagerfeld, Carmen Kass, Naomi Campbell, Stefano Gabbana, Mya, Busta Rhymes, Nelly, Wyclef Jean, Nas, Tyrese, 50 Cent, Sharon & Ozzy Osbourne, Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Bono, Michael Jordan, Tyson Beckford, Britney Spears, Sharon Stone, Beyonce Knowles, Rudolf Giuliani, Lenny Kravitz, Jessica Simpson, John Mayer, T.K. Hong Kong, and the list goes on.

So most of you don't care about this (or any other post here) but trust me -- your mom does. Weddings will never be the same again. Maybe later I'll provide some context by quoting some lyrics. In the meantime, send your condolences to Jake. He really is a great guy -- if you have a few thousand to burn on cufflinks.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 07:09:12 GMT

I have a lot of uncompleted posts. That's what happens when playing Xbox 360 becomes more important than even watching TV. In related news, I don't know who put together the soundtrack for Madden 2K6 but you deserve a blow job from 72 virgins.

Quick Strokes

ABC News: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi Confirmed Dead
The poor man's Osama Bin Laden and probably terrorist #1 has been killed in Iraq. Four things ... I can't back it up with anything because well apparently CNNFOXMSNBC is asleep at the wheel. Um hi? Do your job? Baby Shilol is in bed at the moment. Surely you can multitask. Why is a repeat of Greta Van What's Her Face on? The only thing I can find now is an important announcement of an important announcement in the AM. Two, it's the most positive news out Iraq since uhhh ... Three, when we ever find out the true story on how he died, the details around it it'll be the same day Elvis confirms the magic bullet theory at a press conference on Hoffa's grave in Atlantis. Four ... who ever wrote this story (Does al-Zarqawi exist?) probably feels like someone kicked his kitty. And Bob Herbert at the NYT probably should edit today's op-ed stat. (Note to self: over/under on the next Bin Laden tape?)

W is for qWeer
Lots of yapping on Bush pushing an anti-gay marriage amendment. And yeah it's blatant propaganda and politics. Will it work? Of course, propaganda works. (See also that Jennifer Aniston movie and its box office. Don't think for a second that "The Break-Up" would be the #1 movie without a year of 'poor Jen' press.) Anywho, what's in Gdubs heart about gays?

Early on, though, Mr. Bush appeared most worried that Christian conservatives would object to his determination not to criticize gay people. "I think he wants me to attack homosexuals," Mr. Bush said after meeting James Robison, a prominent evangelical minister in Texas.

But Mr. Bush said he did not intend to change his position. He said he told Mr. Robison: "Look, James, I got to tell you two things right off the bat. One, I'm not going to kick gays, because I'm a sinner. How can I differentiate sin?"

Later, he read aloud an aide's report from a convention of the Christian Coalition, a conservative political group: "This crowd uses gays as the enemy. It's hard to distinguish between fear of the homosexual political agenda and fear of homosexuality, however."

"This is an issue I have been trying to downplay," Mr. Bush said. "I think it is bad for Republicans to be kicking gays."

And ...

Though Bush himself has publicly embraced the amendment, he never seemed to care enough to press the matter. One of his old friends told NEWSWEEK that same-sex marriage barely registers on the president's moral radar. "I think it was purely political. I don't think he gives a s--t about it. He never talks about this stuff," said the friend

Just saying ... and said constitutional amendment still left the door open for civil unions. So liberals, if anything Bush shares more in common with your slightly racist but amusing uncle than the Anti-Christ. Speaking of kicking people ...

Ann Coulter Is Right
Lots more yapping about Ann Coulter v. the 9/11 Widows. Now, I like a good catfight as much as the next guy. More in fact. Especially if it involves mudslinging. Yum. [moment] But to be honest, the absolute center of Coulter's argument has a grain of truth. The 9/11 Widows do have alot of political and social power. It's not the 9/11 Moms or the 9/11 Siblings or the 9/11 Dads or the 9/11 Relatives of the Janitors, it's the widows. Everyone else takes a backseat in their minivan on a mission.

Honestly, if a 9/11 Widow came up and told me that Elvis confirmed the magic bullet theory at a press conference on Hoffa's grave in Atlantis -- and then started crying? Forget about it. After I gave her the shirt off my back as a kleenex, I'm booking the first submarine down. I might even swim. Really. And unfortunately, your average politician would book three submarines and appoint a committee to find more kleenex without a second thought.

That said, all this publicity has driven Coulter's book sales to #1 on Amazon. But no need to break out another Coulter voodoo doll, even neo-conservatives are turning against the former GOP fav. And after everything she has said -- and she has said some doosies [sic?] -- it's really telling that this is what generates press. I think she's jumped the shark. Speaking of Amazon ...

Whoooa McPhee
On June 27th, American Almost Idol, Katharine McPhee's single drops -- two weeks after Taylor Hicks' effort. Maybe I'm old but do people still buy singles? Do they have DVD extras and outtakes? The antidote? I'm mean she's easy on the eyes and all but I'll keep my $3.50 thanks.

Oh can they be a little more original on the album art?

Couldn't they at least change the font? How lazy can you be? And why does Taylor Hicks look like a fat David Copperfield? Speaking of people you love to hate ...

El Trabajo Despues de Katrina
¿Donde esta la Migra cuando usted los necesita?

About a quarter of the construction workers rebuilding New Orleans are illegal immigrants, who are getting lower pay, less medical care and less safety equipment than legal workers, according to a new study ...

45 percent of all construction workers there are hispanic. At least two-thirds moved to the basin to take advantage of all the new (re)construction jobs. Most (87 percent) were already in America at the time of Katrina. The "illegals" face the usual ... low wages ($6.50/hr), hard work and employers threatening them w/ deportation. Anywho, one can only hope the Border Patrol will sweep them away soon. Let's pray that the Chocolate City doesn't become the Salsa Cuidad anytime soon. Vanilla is fine, but Salsa? Never.
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Believe me it's hard to watch TV, play dorky video games and write a post at the same time. So truth be told I can feel for the cable networks that have to cover Brad & Jen, gay marriage amendments and Iraq at the same time. It's rough. Rougher than watching Roots while giving your mom the reach around. She really should shave.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 17:47:17 GMT

As everyone who has ever read this poor excuse for a daily blog knows I'm a big fan of rapists. From Kobe (allegedly) to catholic priests (definitely), I usually have the back of society's misunderstood. Usually.

Blueballed Devils

So by now you probably you've heard about the hubbub at Duke University. Long Lifetime movie short. "Bachelor" party for a couple guys on the Duke Lacrosse team. Now, I really doubt it was a bachelor party but still hate to be those soon-to-be wives [my note -- hey wifeys? make sure that dinner is made ... stat]. Anyways, a couple of erotic dancers slash strippers were hired. The guys get increasing boisterous. Strippers leave. A guy convinces them to come back. A stripper is (allegedly) raped.

An interview with accuser and witnesses ...

The woman who says she was raped last week by three members of the Duke University lacrosse team thought she would be dancing for five men at a bachelor party, she said Friday. But when she arrived that night, she found herself surrounded by more than 40.

Just moments after she and another exotic dancer started to perform, she said, men in the house started barking racial slurs. The two women, both black, stopped dancing.
"We started to cry," she said. "We were so scared." [snip]

The accuser had worked for an escort company for two months, doing one-on-one dates about three times a week.
"It wasn't the greatest job," she said, her voice trailing off. But with two children, and a full class load at N.C. Central University, it paid well and fit her schedule.
This was the first time she had been hired to dance provocatively for a group, she said. There was no security to protect her, and as the men became aggressive, the two women started to leave. After some of the men apologized for the behavior, the women went back inside, according to police. That's when the woman was pulled into a bathroom and raped and sodomized, police said. [snip]

Jason Bissey, who was on his porch next door during the party, saw the victim that night. He said Friday that he wishes he had called police at the first sign something was wrong.
He saw at least 30 men go into the white three-bedroom house, which Duke officials say is rented by three lacrosse team captains.
Bissey saw two women arrive and, after they were in the house 20 minutes, come out. As they got into a car, men shouted, Bissey said.
"Some of them were saying things like, 'I want my money back,' " Bissey said.
He recalled the racially charged statements at least one man was yelling at the victim.

"When I was outside, one guy yelled at her, '... Thank your grandpa for my cotton shirt,' " Bissey said.

Ha ha ha! Get it? Cotton. In case you didn't know Duke is in the South and as you'd expect with a small mostly white elite private school in the south they have their race issues. So people (and by people I mean women, the locals, the coloured folk, friends OK everybody except for these nice kids' parents) are up in arms to put it mildly.

What's funny is that the Smoking Gun has the arrest report and did a piss poor job of blacking out the names of the suspects. Dam* it must suck to be Adam, Bret and Matt on campus today. They'll never get dates to the formal/prom/cotillion. OK maybe not ever. But luckily for the Duke has pulled the roster from their Web servers so no one knows -- well except for those who want to know that Bret only had four assists in their eight games -- or heck ...

38 Breck Archer Midfielder 6-0 190 Jr. Sea Cliff, N.Y. (Taft)
31 Bo Carrington Midfielder 6-4 220 So. Charlottesville, Va. (Covenant School)
37 Casey Carroll Defense 6-2 180 Jr. Baldwin, N.Y. (Baldwin)
29 Mike Catalino Midfielder 6-0 200 Fr. Webster, N.Y. (Webster Schroeder)
17 Tom Clute Defense 6-1 190 Fr. Potomac, Md. (Bullis)
46 Kevin Coleman Defense 6-2 185 Sr. Ridgewood, N.J. (Delbarton)
19 Josh Coveleski Attack 6-4 205 So. Dover, Del. (Ceasar Rodney)
22 Ned Crotty Midfielder 6-1 180 Fr. New Vernon, N.J. (Delbarton)
40 Matt Danowski Attack 6-0 190 Jr. Farmingdale, N.Y. (Farmingdale)
8 Ed Douglas Midfielder 6-2 170 Sr. Baltimore, Md. (Gilman)
15 Kyle Dowd Midfielder 5-9 175 Sr. E. Northport, N.Y. (Northport)
6 David Evans Defense 5-10 190 Sr. Bethesda, Md. (Landon)
13 Collin Finnerty Attack 6-3 175 So. Garden City, N.Y. (Chiminade)
12 Dan Flannery Attack 5-11 190 Sr. Garden City, N.Y. (Garden City)
7 Gibbs Fogarty Attack 5-10 175 Fr. Chevy Chase, Md. (Landon)
25 Zack Greer Attack 6-2 185 So. Whitby, Ontario (All Saints Catholic)
23 Erik Henkelman Defense 5-10 175 Sr. Swathmore, Pa. (Episcopal)
49 Jay Jennison Defense 6-4 205 So. Richmond, Va. (St. Christopher’s)
26 Ben Koesterer Midfielder 6-1 195 So. Cazenovia, N.Y. (Cazenovia)
11 Fred Krom Midfielder 5-10 185 Jr. Summit, N.J. (Delbarton)
1 Peter Lamade Midfielder 5-9 180 Jr. Chevy Chase, Md. (Landon)
36 Adam Langley Attack 5-9 165 So. Glenview, Il. (Glenbrook South)
2 Chris Loftus Attack 5-8 160 So. Syosset, N.Y. (Syosset)
4 Dan Loftus Goalie 5-9 160 Jr. Syosset, N.Y. (Syosset)
34 Kevin Mayer Defense 6-0 185 So. Great Falls, Va. (Potomac School)
44 Tony Mcdevitt Defense 6-0 205 Jr. Philadelphia, Pa. (Penn Charter)
41 Ryan Mcfadyen Defense 6-6 225 So. Mendham, N.J. (Delbarton)
42 Glenn Nick Defense 6-1 190 Sr. Garden City, N.Y. (Garden City)
77 Nick O’hara Defense 5-10 190 Jr. Orachard Park, N.Y. (Orchard Park)
28 Dan Oppedisano Midfielder 5-11 195 Jr. Garden City, N.J. (Garden City)
32 Sam Payton Midfielder 5-11 185 Fr. Cos Cob, Conn. (Brunswick)
18 Brad Ross Midfielder 6-0 190 So. Darnestown, Md. (Bullis)
5 Kj Sauer Midfielder 6-1 190 Sr. East Rockaway, N.Y. (Lynbrook)
20 Steve Schoeffel Midfielder 5-8 165 Fr. Charlottesville, Va. (Covenant)
30 Rob Schroeder Goalie 6-0 210 So. Summit, N.J. (Summit)
45 Reade Seligmann Midfielder 6-1 215 So. Essex Fells, N.J. (Delbarton)
50 Devon Sherwood Goalie 5-10 160 Fr. Freeport, N.Y. (Baldwin)
47 Dan Theodoridis Defense 6-1 205 Fr. Norwalk, Conn. (Norwalk)
24 Bret Thompson Midfielder 6-0 185 Sr. Chevy Chase, Md. (Georgetown Prep)
3 Chris Tkac Defense 6-0 185 Fr. Gaithersburg, Md. (Landon)
14 John Walsh Midfielder 5-11 190 Jr. Bethesda, Md. (Landon)
9 Michael Ward Midfielder 6-0 195 Jr. Setauket, N.Y. (Ward Melville)
48 Rob Wellington Midfielder 6-3 200 So. Dallas, Texas (Highland Park)
21 Matt Wilson Midfielder 6-0 185 Jr. Durham, N.C. (Durham Academy)
43 William Wolcott Defense 6-0 190 Sr. Dallas, Texas (St. Mark’s)
27 Michael Young Midfielder 6-0 180 So. Manhasset, N.Y. (Chaminade)
10 Matt Zash Midfielder 5-11 190 Sr. Massapequa, N.Y. (Massapequa)

46 of 47 players had to turn in DNA. What about the 47th player? He's black. It's the one time racial profiling worked for him ever.
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There's something just so swarmy about this case. And I actually don't think it's going away. Duke has a pretty good student activist community (OK northern liberals) and the school that the accuser attended? Neighboring NCCU -- the first state supported liberal arts college for blacks. Oh there's gonna be trouble. Reason #23907 why your momma said don't become a stripper.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 04:52:15 GMT

Am I the only one who is already bored with the Olympics? I mean I'll watch it for the falls, spills and hopefully fights but outside of that? Not so much. That's why I'm not surprised that American Idol is doing better than the games -- it's almost a non-story. Just saying. I will say knowing that a couple of the ice skaters drank it up at my old college bar is nifty. But not nifty enough to stop playing video games or listening to Simon Cowell

My Number One Necessity

Dick Comes Clean
So Dick Cheney apologized on FOX News today for shooting an "acquaintance" in the face. Rock on. Of course, people will and maybe should continue to talk about whether Cheney was drinking. He admitted to a beer at a picnic lunch before the shooting. He "fixed himself a cocktail" after the shooting. There was a "beer or two" in picnic coolers. And in response to whether at least the victim had a drunk test? "No comment."

Now I don't know much of anything about hunting, guns or dick but there is one thing I do know ... And that my friends is alcohol.

No one has just one beer. And if a picnic cooler has only "one or two beers" it's because the rest is serving as belch fuel for the big fat guy next to you. Doesn't beer come in six packs anyway? Moving on, after shooting a man he fixed himself a cocktail, a drink, i.e. hard liquor. Remember America ... beer before liquor, never been sicker. Granted, I'd do the same thing but I wouldn't want to talk to the press or the police after said cocktail. Worse, as the story was posed, Dick Cheney most likely polished off the beer at the party ... say it with me ... dick move. Doesn't add up does it? Lies and dam* lies.

One lie I can always spot is "two beers." When I hear that from a driver that I've stopped for erratic driving, then I know that I've hit the jackpot. I don't know why 90% of drunk drivers say they've had two beers. It's like there is some sort of genetic code that dictates this answer. They could say they've had two glasses of wine or one martini but they rarely do. I don't mind though because it just makes my job easier.

Look at it that way and you can understand the conspiracy theorists ... But either way, it's much ado about nothing. If there was a cover-up, we'll never know. Let's focus on more important things like the growing conflict in Iran.

When Muslims Imitate the Red States ...
~~This is just silly~~ This is perfectly valid and acceptable when attacked by the great Satan. Please don't bomb me.

Not content with pelting European embassies with petrol bombs to protest against cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad, Iranians have decided to rename the "Danish pastries" relished by this nation of cake lovers.

From now on, the sweet, flaky pastries which dominate the shelves in Iran's cake shops will be known as "Roses of the Prophet Mohammad," the official IRNA news agency reported as pressure on Denmark over the cartoons took on a new dimension.

"No one is allowed to make fun of our beloved and respected Prophet," Hassan Nasserzadeh, a cake-shop owner in central Tehran, told Reuters.

Nothing like naming a sweet pastry after your prophet, praise and sugar be upon him, to make you feel true religious pride. Crucifixins' anyone?

Can a Guy Get a Parade or Something?
I lied two items up. I do know more than random alcohol facts, I also know football. And I can tell you that Super Bowl XL MVP Hines Ward is the first Korean American, rather first Asian American to win a Super Bowl MVP. Maybe I'm wrong but I think it's pretty cool. Asian men are making a comeback in the 2006. No more bukake jokes. No more small penis jokes. OK maybe a few.

Stepford Illustrated
Is it just me or do all these chicks look the same? Anyways, this year the people of Sports Illustrated aren't just putting out a swimsuit issue. Nooooo. For those of you tired of making the pages stick together, you can get

A digital edition of the swimsuit issue
8 specially produced videos available at iTunes
Promotional events featuring Busch ... Anheuser-Busch
Model video diaries
AND 360 degree views of photo shoots

The swimsuit issue is the most read single magazine issue in the world. And it's only getting bigger this year. The issue will be unveiled on Leno.

Bruce Wills Slams Oprah
A few media outlets have picked this up and by a few I mean a lot. Basically, Bruno goes on a tirade saying Oprah "sucker punched" author James Frey, Clinton lied on her show, how gossip mags lie all the time, to "f*ck Entertainment Weekly" because they hated Diehard III and don't want to see a sequel.

Most of the outlets (here and here for example) seem to take this sneering, the fat black lady has to go attitude.

Willis, a huge fan of Frey and his book A Million Little Pieces, has obviously had it with Oprah and her holier-than-everybody else attitude.

Perhaps its time for the girl to step off a little.

When in fact he said this.

"I know a lot of women respect Oprah and I do too, but I just think she did it because she got her feelings hurt," says Willis. "She got her feelings hurt and she went a little deep and you know what, he didn't know what she was going to say to him. She said, 'Come on in, it'll be alright.' And then she goes, 'Bang!' I'm a fan of Oprah's. She's doing great and she does great things. I mean, that whole book club thing is a really great idea, but I think that James Frey got treated a little unfairly." [emphasis mine]

OK he does come across as a wee bit chauvinistic -- oooh you know women and their feelings -- but still the media reports? Not so much. And the Clinton thing?

'Hey, Oprah. You had President Clinton on your show and if this prick didn't lie about a couple of things I'm going to set myself on fire right now.'

Slightly different. Considering Clinton was on Oprah in 2004 pushing his memoir which, by all accounts, wasn't a lie albeit far more boring. Clinton had 6 years of apologies and two books. Frey hadn't even admitted to any wrongdoing at that point. I think Bruce is just mad because Monica looks like a poor man's Demi Moore at last call.
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And on that MILF moment I think I'm going to go to bed. But seriously, the Cheney stuff? Makes sense doesn't it?