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| 1/2 Marathon!!Tomorrow I'm leaving early in the a.m. to meet up with my girls in Champaign to head to St. Louis for the HALF MARATHON!!
That's right.. I'm running a 1/2 marathon.
I don't run because it's easy or because I have a lot of free time on my hands. I don't run because shin splints, pulled muscles, and a multitude of other aches and pains are fun to deal with. I don't run because the weather has been nice or because spending hours on a treadmill is my favorite thing to do, and I don't run because I enjoy skipping dessert and watching what I eat. I don't run because I was born with the talent, and I definitely don't run to win.
I run because I don't think I can, and I run because I know when I get tired.. when my heart's beating too fast and my lungs are working too slow.. I have great friends there to encourage me.. a God to carry me.. and a Mom who's right there with me every step of the way.
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| would we have been ready to stand?Day 13- January 26, 2007
I've been looking forward to this day for awhile.. not only because it's the weekend.. not only because David and I are going to Stir Crazy (yummy).. and not only because we get to start the second season of "Lost" tonight.. we're hanging out with Tina and Craig tonight, and I just love the time we get to share with them. However, last time we hung out with them, I kind of realized how much our initial friendship that focused so much around the Lord (accountability, faith, praises) but had begun to shift to more of just a "regular" friendship of fun. Granted, we should be able to have tons of fun with them.. but I think God put them in our lives for a lot of special reasons. David and I don't have a lot of Christian friends-- people to have fellowship with. God has shown me that whether or not I'm engaging in such fellowship and relationships of accountability makes a big difference in my life. Tina and Craig were an answer to prayer for David and me.. we need to start using our friendships to glorify Him.
Day 14- January 27, 2007
After nearly being nailed by a driver who forgot to check his blind spot.. after having the back end of our car swing out in front of us and spinning around in a 360.. after crossing 3 lanes of highway traffic (and I mean traffic) and landing in a grassy ditch (instead of a cement wall).. (Not to mention the fact that David was navigating with his left hand only because I had grabbed a solid hold of his right hand in fear-- smart move, Maggie.) David and I just sat in the car without saying anything. After a period of silence, we quickly went through the catalog of all the things that could have happened to us-- my car being smashed/totaled, one of us (or both of us) injured… or even dead. It could have happened… in fact, the extreme amount of cars and slipperiness of the road made it seem like it even should have happened. But we were taken care of. We were protected. And at the end of the experience, when we pulled into the nearest exit to park the car, embrace, and cry… we remembered how fleeting life is… how quickly it could have been taken away. God decided to keep us here for a little longer; but it was such a blessing just to talk about the fact that if we would have died, would we have been prepared to meet Jesus? Ready to stand in judgment? Would we have been able to receive a "well done"? David and I have been through enough to know not to take life for granted; we just need to keep that on our hearts more-- remembering that we do not know what may happen tomorrow. It's all in His hands.
Day 15- January 28, 2007
Today I was told that a few people have brought up that I'm way too busy to David. That was really discouraging, for I've been focusing so much on releasing some of my responsibilities and over-scheduling habits. But, upon an examination of my life (guided by David, of course-- have you noticed a pattern?), I have come to realize that perhaps I'm still more frantic and obsessive, and booked than I like to pretend I am. It still freaks me out if I spend an hour or two of my time doing nothing.. but it shouldn't. God wants my life to be focused on him, not my to-do list.. and I need to stop praising myself for my baby steps of progress and instead stay focused on praying/asking for help and admitting that I am still a bit out of control.
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| love and Tough loveDay 9- January 22, 2007
By 2pm, I was already ready to burst. I had been up since 8 and still hadn't talked to David yet. But lately, I have come to learn that I perhaps I rely too much on David to make me feel loved. After I lost mom (and broke up with Bill a month later), I was suddenly left feeling incredibly alone. I was no longer #1 to anyone in my life. Though David and I have certainly agreed that God, not each other, always comes first in our lives, sometimes it's easier for me to rely on David for comfort and strength because I can physically feel the support of his hug and touch. Although I know David was put in my life as a great support system and reassurance of love, I must remember to turn to God FIRST in times of trouble. That's something the Lord has really been putting in my heart recently.
Day 10- January 23, 2007
There are great differences between knowing what the Bible says, keeping it on our mind, and actually putting it on our heart and living it-- I need to really focus on this last one.
Day 11- January 24, 2007
For the first time in awhile I had to ask God for physical strength today. I am starting to train for a half marathon, and even the early weeks of training require lots of running mileage. I've already considered giving up over a dozen times-- it just doesn't seem possible that I will be able to run 13.1 miles within the next several months.. I'm not a runner. But then, I figure, if God can get me through the pain and hardships that I've been through, He can get me through a couple of miles. I just have to believe in myself.. and in Him.
Day 12- January 25, 2007
In my attempt to put God (and not David) as #1 in my list of support system and assurance of love, I've come to realize that perhaps I don't feel as deep of a love from Him as I "should." This past year, I've grown in my assurance of God's good and perfect will-- even when that will includes something that will bring immense suffering.. and I've come to rely more and more on Him as my strength to get me through. I feel as though it's been a year of tough love-- God's been like a parent whose tried to teach me a bunch of lessons on my own. I have not, however, felt truly loved and cared for. However, although I could recite dozens of verses and speak a lot of "theology on how much God loves me, etc. When I confessed this all to David, he kept reminding me of reasons why I should feel loved by God-- He died for me, He always forgives me, and on and on. I continuously interrupted him, explaining that I KNOW all he was telling me.. it just isn't on my heart. I want it to be-- I really do.. and when I "argue" against what David is telling me.. I know I'm wrong. I know how much God loves me.. I just don't feel it yet. | | |
| just let Him inDay 6- January 19, 2007
In my first semester of college, I had begun to feel lovely and alone. I looked around at others, and I felt as though everyone else was developing these long-lasting, intimate relationships-- but I hadn't. I prayed that God would put wonderful people in my life.
Enter Maria, Jessie, and Collin. Those three have meant more to me than words could say. Not only did they rescue me from bitter loneliness, but they have also taught me countless lessons. They have been there to provide me prayerful support, accountability, and reminders of God's perfect will.
They were the ones who were there when my mom died. They gave me the first hugs after the phone call that changed my life. They held my hand and fly in the plane with me and hold my hand as I went to say my final goodbyes to her. With them, I got to share two or three or four absolutely incredible trips down south with them. They weren the ones I ran to when I found out my brother "had cancer." They weren the ones I ran to and rejoiced when I found out he was "cured!" And they were the ones who kept me company during my saddest of nights. This past year has been the craziest, hardest, and most monumental year of my life; and it was them with whom I shared it. This year has meant more tears, more fears, more laughter, and more changes than all eighteen put together.
Simply put, they were God's answer to my biggest prayer.
Today, after a full day of class and work, I'll be off to Bloomington for a mini-reunion with these beloved friends of mine. We'll be coming from all different directions-- David and I from Mt. Prospect, Richie from Palos Heights, Trevor from Bradley, and the rest from U of I. Though it breaks my heart to know that I will no longer be there to make thousands of memories at school with my best friends from U of I, I know this is not the end. U of I might not be the school I am supposed to get a degree at, but I certainly feel it was exactly where I was supposed to be for the past year and a half. God gave them to me, and I'm not ready to let them go.. so I won't.
Today, I am so very thankful for the amazing people God has put into my life. Despite my incredibly rough past year, they have stood as the reminders that He does not want me to face the troubles alone.
Day 7- January 20, 2007
Today my grandma on my dad's side of the family called to ask me if we could go to church together tomorrow, for she was in the area visiting my aunt. After the phone call, I started thinking about how much I have intentionally detached myself from that side of the family-- I just get an uneasy feeling from the amount of drugs, stealing habits, jail time, and arguments that run through the family. I suppose my clean record and academic accomplishments have caused me to mentally feel above them in some way. But who am I to judge? Their sins are no worse in God's eyes than mine are… and who am I to not show love to them? If Jesus can devote his time to the prostitutes and drug-addicts, I think I can spend some time with the family members I was given.
Day 8- January 21, 2007
Today was "surprise baptism day" in church-- my favorite. I excitedly watched person after person publicly profess their acceptance of Christ as their savior. I became oddly jealous-- jealous because I remember the spiritual high my baptism gave me. I wanted to be in their shoes. Yet amidst my jealousy, I realized that God is always ready to fill my heart with that spiritual high… I just have to be there to let him in. | | |
| more than SchoolDay 5- January 18, 2007
It would be a lie if I said that I'm not saddened to be missing out on life in the TIU dorms. Especially after a year and a half of dorm life at Illinois, I miss being constantly surrounded by my peers. However, only a week after I began the "commuter" life, God has revealed to me why it is best for me to be at home. For years I have been struggling with my obsession of being a "student." I put my role as a student first-- often ahead of my duties as a daughter, sister, friend, and, most significantly, follower of Christ. When I was at Illinois, I was literally constantly surrounded by school. Class was in the morning, then homework came next, my dormmates were also my classmates, and my activities at night were school-based. I ate, slept, lived, and played at school. The school's campus was its own little world-- I had no reason to leave. Everything I needed was.. at school. Living at home has allowed me to be able to physically separate myself from school. Yes, I go to school in the daytime.. and homework and studying comes at night. But commuting means being able to step away from school, again creating a physical separation of my life as a student; for my surroundings doesn't constantly remind me of academics. This is exactly what I need in order to reprioritize my life and truly focus on things of importance.
Though I was angry when God showed me it would be nearly impossible for me to live at school this semester, I am definitely beginning to see the perfection of his plan. Sometimes I wonder why I doubt first and trust second. I need to remind myself that all of this is all His doing. | | |
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