i hate myself...so much i hate myself for actually caring about someone i need to relize that im never going to be able to get that certain person. im such a lose im the biggest loser i know. he will never like me because im a WHORE!!! im a dirty little whore i cant stand myself i feeel gross i shouldnt have had sex wit nick i should have stayed with dylan or derrick. i actually maybe loved them kinda..i guess it hard to think of that feeling it was nice i really miss derrick that jackass. he made me happy and whole even though he did terrible eventhough i deserved most of it for what i did to him i still loved him hes the love of my goddamn life i want him back i really want him back i want to be able to smell him hes beautiful...damn i miss just being with him....i miss just looking at how beautiful he was damn he made me happy as hell...i know we had bad times BAD but he was still the love of my life he always will be. i loved the way he looked at me and touched me i loved the way he hit me i loved the way he smelled i loved the way his body looks in his t-shirts i love watching him box i love watching him! he made me so happy...why cant i have these feelings with someone else? i mean thats all i want i want to have  those feelings with someone else damn...i miss having those feelings they made me happy

i miss having a boyfriend...i need one ill probaly end up dating nick or ryan and get married to them and have my own misarble life with them....

nevermind i dont like ryan

hes annoying

heyyy

im so skipping school tommorow!!!!

heyyy

im so skipping school tommorow!!!!