| ONE LAST EDIT;; im not updating till the end of the year. comment all you want, it may help but mostly it wont. also, i have decided to have a new xanga with new thoughts and stuff cause this one is getting old. retrochic___princessx. you can still comment or look at this one, at the end of the school year i plan on officially having a funeral for this xanga. <3
one beautiful girl with teary eyes and a hidden heart.
heart full of hurt and lies. She sits up in her bed at night
and cries. shes having a hard time realizing that love isn't
just weak knees and butterflies
I'm not a perfect girl.
now for another real entry. the little xanga.com says the weblog community at the bottom. log, meaning journal. and journal, meaning a place where you can tell the truth. well it's time to tell the truth. im not going to say names, but someone says one thing and acts as if they mean it but goes and says something to someone else that doesnt make sense after what they said to me. some friends say one thing, and do the other. it doesnt make sense. why cant people just say what they feel? how freaking hard is that? im doing that right now. i shouldnt be complaining too much cause some people in the world dont even have a computer to let it all out. or even a piece of paper. this country takes too many things for granted. we are greedy and selfish. sortof like girls. girls like drama;; it comes naturally. they cant just say "no big deal." everything is a big deal. why? why does everything have to be a big deal? because girls are hormonal and need to take more midol. there isnt one day that i dont see a girl crying or being angry or in a bad mood at school. it's hard to be happy when you know how many sad things are going on every second of your life. it's sortof sad when you think of this world. some jerk in south carolina flipped off my mom cause she didnt see him pulling out of a parking spot. what is wrong with these people? how can they live every day knowing how horrible they are to people? it greatly saddens me. and seeing how materialistic our world is. like people like paris hilton and nicole richie(believe me i love them too) are more well known than important current events in the world. i say this is a problem. im really jumping around here, but im just trying to get the point across. then there's this thing that always happens to me. something is right there for me to have, nothings stopping me except i dont want it. but later down the road i do want it, && i wish i took it. cause now, that thing isn't there for me to have, someone almost has it. & now it's out of the question. i just miss being able to be happy with who i was. probably the last time i was like that was second grade, where barbies & spice girls ruled the world. it didnt matter what other people thought. i was all about girl power & my role model was baby spice. it's changed alot in the past seven years. everyone cares what everyone thinks, everyone judges everyone. & im not accusing anyone. i do the same thing. school. next topic. every freaking teacher thinks their class is most important & give way too much homework. i dont have time for anything else after school. im commited to church & havent been able to go to church choir or youth group for weeks because of all these other commitments. it's annoying, i feel like im involved in nothing cause i have to be involved in everything my brother and sister are involved in. i am dragged from softball field to choir concerts. its never about me. can't it be about me just once? can my friends think of me instead of their other friends when making plans just once? i guess they just can't. i truly wouldnt mind moving to a different school, another state for goodness sake. like in connecticut where gilmoregirls is set, in a small town where no one knows me & i can start new. where if i said out in the open that i wanted to be a writer people would think that is cool & say that that is a good idea. where i can meet friends who will actually acknowledge me outside of school & not just on a computer. i miss sixth grade where i had two of the greatest friends in the world. i could be who i was around them, & wasn't embarrased. that was the life. if i said i hated myself, theyd say "well, we don't hate you. how could you hate yourself?" i guess nothing gold can stay... i dont even care about that commenting thing down there cause it doesnt matter. this will be my last entry for a long time. okay, now a good thing. catrina lynn. she has been there for me ever since i was in third grade. she cared about any problem i had. she truly truly cared. she is the greatest friend i have, & the greatest friend i will ever have, even though we have fought in the past. it was always about stupid little things though that we would solve in no more than a day. she is amazing, & the only person i am truly myself around. you know what they say, one greatly amazing friend is better than 3098 bad ones. shes that one great friend. and, i guess i do have 4390 bad ones. sorry to some people who are good in school but no where else. well, that's your fault. go hang with your other friends. i guess you just don't get to know me. & that's too bad. because i bet you would get to know me & be able to understand me more. i think im going to move to france so that no one would have even heard of me & i could write a novel & drop out of school, & no one would care cause id be happy, no one cares now anyways. so, what im trying to say is that xanga is a way to express yourself & this is all me, all the truth. i don't care what you think;; this is what i think. this is MY xanga and MY entry and MY thoughts and MY feelings. i am who i am, deal with it. oh yeah, & i hate who i am so this is why this is so horrible.
lauren michelle:
black xx swan: your xanga is not working and i would comment but its not letting me. so heres what i would say if i could comment.
Auto response from jaimeee x: outtt. maybe. i dont know.
black xx swan: omg that entry made me cry. i am serious. i am crying right now.
that was a very genuine entry. you are completely true in the materialistic thing and i support you completely. i dont care about all the things i have because someday i know i am going to have none of that and i am going to be poor and living paycheck to paycheck. im not trying to be a martyr, but thats what happens when the carreer of dance chooses you. you dont choose it. you can prevent it, but you know when you are destined to become a dancer, its hard to explain. anyway, next year, corie wont be in our school and pretty soon she's gonna be driving herself. we're gonna have a blast doing chorus and band next year and we will try out for and make robe choir and we should also try out for the musical. you dont have to worry about not having anyone there for you cause you have so many friends and if you think you dont then you know i will always be here. i might be at dance or something, but if anything is really important, missing a dance class is nothing compared to being with a friend. i promise you, as soon as NHD is over and i have a chance to breathe, we will hang out. you deserve it. youve been working so hard on NHD and homework...we all have. our teachers are complete cows (keeping it PG) and i will tell Mr. Stryker when i see him on Monday that they are giving us too much homework. i agree with you, mr meletti's review sheet was a killer and they're all being complete butts to us. but we wont have to worry about that this week cause were going to states and not have to go to school and we will have two whole days to chillax/
black xx swan: we will have a party after the dance party and you and i can spend some time together. Amanda's being a butt too and will not reherse or cooperate, so i need some help too.
black xx swan: and you will never drop out of school. ever. i cannot imagine you doing so. you are so brilliant. you are in all honors classes, you play in the band, you play in the flute trio, you have straight A's and you cannot give that up. you are luckier than most...think of all the people out there who dont have the intelligence you have. you should move to france after you graduate because you also need to make a living and you can't do that as easily if you dont' have a high school diploma at least. and your parents would not like you to do that because they love you very much and i would not like you to do that because im your friend and i care about you. and please dont hate yourself because you are a wonderful person. you are nice, caring, considerate, polite, talented, amazingly funny, personable, brilliant, and just completely awesome. remember the first day of 7th grade? we had the same shoes. haha. i always thought you were amazingly cool for that whole thing and we have been awesome friends ever since. i dont know where i would be without you there with me and you are one of my best friends for that. i think of you as my Emily of school- emily, as you know, is my best friend at dance and weve been there for eachother since the beginning. well i have Jaime as the emily of school and emily as the Jaime of dance. my two best friends in the two separate worlds i hold close to me. i know i havent been hanging out with you very often but we're both busy and this summer we are going to hang out. after school ends and before school begins. my friends mean everything to me because i dont have much of a life, so i keep my closest friends right there with me. that means you. we come in a package deal and catch eachother when we fall. you have been there for me and now i'm now being here for you. i've had so many down points, but these are what makes the high points so happy and memorable.
Auto response from jaimeee x: outtt. maybe. i dont know.
black xx swan: ill talk to you tomorrow
black xx swan: feel better and lylas <333
black xx swan is away at 5:00:50 PM.
jaimeee x: lauren that made me cry i love you so much! i forgot to put in about you... bad moods do that sometime i love her too.
xx_jaime if you read this, thanks. if you didn't, don't even BOTHER to comment.
EDIT;;;
black xx swan: hey jaim
jaimeee x: hey
black xx swan: dont forget im supposed to remind you to remind your mom to remind mr. c
jaimeee x: i reminded my mom to remind mr. c i should again though
jaimeee x: lauren i love you soo much you are amazingly amazingly awesome just so you know.
black xx swan: thanks. dats wat im here for
black xx swan: your amazing too ya know
jaimeee x: lol why thank you
black xx swan: lol
jaimeee x: are you ready for this hardxxcore dance party?
black xx swan: heck yes i am! im building up my stamina for it babayy
jaimeee x: yes. you know i bought a tape to practice some moves.
jaimeee x: you should seee them. i got skills.
jaimeee x: more than napoleon
black xx swan: lol. i have to come over sometime and get some skills too. but this one gang wanted me to join them cause im pretty good with a bowstaff...
jaimeee x: yea. i bet. but i bet you dont have any skills in ddr.i
jaimeee x: i got skills in ddr.
black xx swan: nope not me.
black xx swan: we dont have a ps
jaimeee x: in fact i am going to go express my skills of ddr by playing ddr.
jaimeee x: so i willl seeee youuuu tomorrowwwwwwwwwwww<3
black xx swan: kk cy a
jaimeee x: <33333333 lylasss
black xx swan: we mite meet some cute nerds tho so practice those dance skills
black xx swan: lol
black xx swan: cyaa lylas
jaimeee x: oh yes.
black xx swan: cute nerds. theres the oxymoron of the century
jaimeee x: lol
jaimeee x: well we are cute nerds.
black xx swan: heck yes we are.
black xx swan: practice makes perfectt!
jaimeee x: mmhmmm
black xx swan: dats wat im talkin bout
black xx swan: **bobs head from side to side**
love that girllll <3 |
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